My father died and I spoke to him in spirit

[LoveWater]

Well, I am lucky I guess?

My father just admitted to me that he had sexually abused me. I had always suspected and basically knew this, but now it's a fact.

God, that was an ugly turn I did not see coming. Perhaps that is the scar on your aura and the enter, the door, of the low levels, that you have had so much trouble with when channeling, your brain still in it's way having protected you somehow from this. As ugly as it is now perhaps more than ever is the time you can deal with it though even if it must be so very hard, I can only imagine.

[LoveWater]

Originally Posted by asearcher

God, that was an ugly turn I did not see coming. Perhaps that is the scar on your aura and the enter, the door, of the low levels, that you have had so much trouble with when channeling, your brain still in it's way having protected you somehow from this. As ugly as it is now perhaps more than ever is the time you can deal with it though even if it must be so very hard, I can only imagine.

Yes, it could be a scar/hole in my aura. I must heal my aura, for certain.

I knew it all along. I even confronted him with it about 8-10 years ago - denial. He was sexually abused himself, and never told a single person. Until me.

I feel so sorry for you, so he did not deal with it himself during life and instead passed it on to you. I've heard that is pretty common but still no excuse for it.

There must be a cut in how you see him, can also make grieving more complex.
Wishing you healing and strength on your way.

I thought of another thing. What helped me after one incident (not family, ex) is that I had this experience, maybe self comfort, imagination, who am I to say, as if loved ones relatives who had past on came with this sort of blanket over me and from that moment on I looked at my body as if it was made like these pieces from my loved ones that had past on and those still living and me then naturally perhaps taking out those I did not have any connection, love for or a cut in how I felt about them, they were out. I sort of made the others dominant.


my incident is nothing compared to what you have gone through and the depth of the pain there must be there for you, but still I thought maybe I could "say" something.

With my "incident" with the ex I til then did not know that could happen to me, that someone I had a relationship with would do that but that was still just an ex. I always thought it was some stranger in a park in the dark or something, hadn't really thought about it before. When it is someone you are in a relationship with, where there is all these components, and you being just a child in this...your own dad. God, no I can't even phantom the pain. Must be hard now too when everyone around is grieving him and he is most likely painted up to be this saint all the way when you know what he has done and have both I am sure love for him, this other image/parent of him and then the other that must have been a monster to have done this to you, but a victim himself a long time ago. It's horrible when people we care about and who are suppose to love us don't let their love for us stop them from hurting us. Made me wonder before then what is that love worth? But then I think only people who are wholesome or at least have empathy in their system they are able to give that love, they won't let themselves do such things. It is about them, they're the messed up ones and I think people like that hold love in one hand and their other defects in the other and they do not see that there ought to be a correlation between them. They feel this in that moment and that in the other moment, but they don't get the bigger picture.

Wish you all the healing the more now even from before with all this on your shoulders as well but I am hoping you can put it behind you now in a better way now that you got that confirmation, acknowledging of the crime he passed on. I am sorry he was not whole enough, strong enough in himself to have stop himself, but this is 100% about himself, not you. Those who are damaged the ones they hurt are the ones closest, family etc and they can even be righteous about it. They are in reality too ashamed, can't face that it is them, they're the one with the problem so they try to project that onto innocent people. I am sure as your dad will have his life review he will then feel ashamed. You however have nothing to be ashamed of and I hope you know that. I write shame because I know projectors and I know those who are responsible people in general always think about what they could have or did wrong in a situation even if they are completely innocent, and especially children blame themselves when it most certainly is not their fault, never was, never will be, and I am just afraid if that somehow would have continued to follow you into adulthood. There are meditations, experiences one can have when one returns to childhood and look at how one was back then and simply feel sympathy. I did one of those on myself and I embraced myself (Hi hi) as a little girl and somehow I even felt motherhood in me as I did it, that I wished I had been around back then but as a mom too, to myself (LOL). And this sort of experience sort of parted us but in a good way than how it used to be with me. So hard sometimes to try to describe it with words, it was a positive experience.

Wish you all the best.

[LoveWater]

@asearcher, thank you so much for your kind words and support, and I am so sorry that you've experienced something similar with your ex. It's not an easy issue to grapple with.

This confirmed news certainly changes my grieving process, for sure. I have I suppose now some conflicting feelings about my father. Yes, I do love him, and yes, I will miss him. And yes, he was a far better father to me as an adult. And yes, there were many good qualities to him.

It's true that my viewpoint will differ from others about my father. He was viewed as a saint, and I have a very different perspective. I suppose I also view this with compassion towards my father and sympathy. He was abused, so he passed it on to me. It's unfortunate that he did not know any better and that he had to hurt me. But, I saw him grow into a different person as he got older, and things shifted within him. He became a better man. And that, I do see and embrace. Those are the good things that I want to hold onto about him.

AND, I will have to keep this information private. I cannot share it with any other family member. My family doesn't even know that I am a channel/medium. They thinks it's a medical issue that I have (ie, hearing voices).

I did tell my husband and one of my best girlfriends yesterday. It's too difficult to keep this completely private and to deal with it all by myself. I have a therapist, and I will talk about it in therapy, too.

Ultimately, I want to be able to forgive him, and to hold onto the positives about him, while also integrating this information. I know that I cannot waste another second of my life feeling angry, hurt or resentful. I don't wish to be that way. I want to focus on only positives, positive emotions and positive memories. This is where I need and want to be.

So, I will forgive him when I speak to him next. That will likely release both of us from the hurt and shame.

Originally Posted by Native spirit

I am a medium and i have never had a conversation with my husband since he passed

I am so sorry NS..... I hope someday soon you will

[LoveWater]

I asked my father WHY he told me this. He said because he needed to tell me. I asked ArchAngel Michael WHY I needed to know this about my father. He said for my own healing.

It messes me up for sure and changes my grieving process.

Im so sorry buddy

[LoveWater]

Thank you.