"Who am I?
I feel no feet.. I'm a floating guy who sifts, with a sifter, 20 acres of land for an answer. "
Can he fix his timetravel pockewatch? See it live here, only on CCN. Don't be leaving us! You wont regret it. More to come soon, right after the break.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
*Woman fliks her smooth, shining dark blonde hair*
"Who am I? ...I am a woman who is proud of her hair. With Oleheya, my hair gets the best treatment it deserves. It is straight from South America. Where only the best Oleheya plants are harvested fresh and all year around. With fairtrade, ofcourse. So yo....
Zapp
Master Tsji angrily took the boy by his chest. "Who am I?!" the boy said. "I don't know who you think I am!"
"Did you exist when I was there in that room with Paulina? Who do you think you are, following me and my family, you dirty little %%%!"
"Holdon holdon! HOLD ON!! I am the good guy over here. Now let me take off all your clothes, and wink for the camera, Oh look over here! I got a bird of gold!"
Master Tsji looks confused at the camera.
"Did you get that shot?...."
"... Yes we did. Ofcourse I forgot my cane, so now I have to go get it. ewdewdewe."
The assistant boy runs off home, through the distant forrest.
" Ok, so I am nobody?! But WHAT DOES THAT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT, TO HUMILIATE ME!?!
"Wait Master Tsji" He runs behind his master down the hill. "I can learn master!"
"Maybe. Get over here... Let me take a good look at you."
*he walks up to Master Tsji*
"Are you ok with me being here? Master Tsji?"
The car trunk slammed all the way back.
"Get inside."
"Who do you think I am?"
"I don't know, why."
"Who do you think you are!"
"That's complicated... Now get in the trunk, befo..."
Suddenly a near naked drunken woman shows up, walking towards Master Tsji.
"Oh, I so hangry" *she purrs* "when I was with you on the phone." This near naked woman starts pulling on Master Tsji his robe, claiming to know him.
Tsji shouts "CAN YOU NOT EVEN LEAVE ME ALONE FOR JUST 1 DAY!"
"And who would I be leaving alone, hmmm?"
All the people in the village gathered around. To see what the commotion was all about.
Some big kid squeezed himself to the fence, eating from a bag of popcorn. He asks his fellow unlooker, "Do you want some popcorn? I got more than enough."
"Who are you?"
"Who am I? I am offering you popcorn."
"Ok thanks."
"Who are you?"
"I am Advaita."
"And tell me, does advaita always takes snacks from his neighbours?
"You gave it to me! And yeah, if I eat no more than just 1 popcorn, it is ok... When I eat 2 popcorns, then problems happen. Now shhhh... I wanna hear what they are saying."
The boy whispers back: "Ok, but technically, listening requires two individuals."
Advaita nods, and whispers back, "You're right. I should close my ears. You make sure you remember what they are saying. I don't want to become dualistic."
The drunken near naked woman told master Tsji that she was his aunt.
Master coulden't handle it. And started shouting.
"But who am I!?! AAAAaaaahhhhh AAAAAAHHH!!..."
"You are an error, sir." The new recruit boy patted Master Tsji on his back, to comfort him.
"No I mean WHO AM I REALLY FOR ALL ETERNITY?!"
"Look the rotating platform."
Master Tsji looks down, as the ground moves and then he sees a huge gate opening up ahead... While at the same time, the ground beneath his feet was moving. It seems to be revealing some kind of industrial underground fascility.
They move back to the crowd as a giant robot marched forward out of the gate.
*WwwwwTsh! wwww!* The Initiate Charge button was applied.
"Who are you?" Master asked.
"Who am I?" The giant robot extends his laser arm, pointing it at a pilgrim. "I am this close to his neck"
Pilgrim: "NO NO WAIT! You can't do a wagan weega on me like that, man!?! Who the hell you think you are!... Cause I don't even know who I am, when I will come up and smack the rudeness out of that... thing... What are you?"
The giant robot replied. "None of your business maggot, I suggest youhuh! Uhuhuhuh!"
The robot falls down on one knee and bends forwards with one hand on the ground.
"YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOUUU ARE, HAHAHA!" the pilgrim shouted.
The robot expresses near exhaustion "If only I had the strength to get up and wipe that smirkey smile off your face, you filthy,... EAAgfhhhh EUUUWW!" *the giant robot pukes*
"So called Master Tsji... egheh.. What the %%% is happening to me... Where is this place?! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!"
Master Tsji: "To who? A robot?"
"I am not a robot for %%% sake! egheuw eghuew!" She pukes liquid gold.
"WHO AM I?! WHO!!! EGHEUH! eghewhh... hhh... What is this?!"
The robot keeps puking liquid gold.
"You are in my domain now... he he HEH!" Said another woman who appeared armored in black steel, holding a knucklehammer flail that she smacks with her hand, as she approached from the dark below.
"You see, I am in a bit of a pickle right now... I happen to ALSO not know who I am." She gives a mean smile. "Hehe... And which oh which one of you..." *Pointing at all four around her* "Is going to enlighten me about that. hmmm?"
"You!" She points at the young recruit boy. "WHY! Are you... Afraid.. of me... Hmm?"
Tsji replies: "Leave him out of this. He's got no business being here."
"Oh, is that so? Hmmm..."
She grabs Master Tsji by his shoulder.
Then she whispers in his ear.
"And who are you, exactly? Hmm?"
She looks at Tsji his drunken aunt. "Oh!... OH! So you two are having a reunion together! Without meeee? "
Master tsji responded: "And who are you?"
"Who am I? ... I am a woman you should impress. And you certainly did not impress me."
The paralysed robot shouts "Who the %%% are any of you! eghhh! Who did this to me?! eghh... Reverse it now! eugh..."
The black armored woman replies:
"Who I am, is none of your concerns. Who you are, on the other hand... That is a question I would take very seriously, if I were, in your...hmm... Most unfortunate... situation... Hehe... " She gives the robot an angry and wild look.
Master Tsji pulls out his katana, faster than a marinated chickenwing can fly. "I cannot allow this! There is no honor in fighting the sick!"
The black steel armored lady approaches Master Tsji: "So tell me... exactly... who.. you... are.. Oh... So... mysterious man..." She glides her fingers around his back, while holding the kunckle hammer flail in her other hand. Inspecting Master Tsji up close while she gazingly walks around him.
"Who am I?" ... "That..."... "That is a question I let go a long time ago! It doesn't matter who I am! ..."
"Looks like somebody is feeling guilty today! now, Aren't we."
Suddenly she looks at him very vengefully.
"LITTLE BOY from Mars! Hehehe! ... Look what we have here! ...Two love birds in one net! Looks like this may be my lucky day!"
Master Tsji sounds conflicted, and is flinching. "I am not from Mars! My master said that I am from within, because that is where all the chocolate is inside of my warm belly tum tum. I have consciousness and I can look at you whenever I want. You better watch out, I might look at you!
"
The black steel armored woman replies. "No, please... Don't look at me. I don't wanna hurt your eyes."
"My eyes? WHO ARE YOU?!"
"I am Friedrich the Third, and I served in the Consciousness Obliteration Division."
"So, if I look at you, will I then know who I am aswell?"
"I woulden't recommend it. I am not particularly designed to be pleasant to the eyes."
"What are your powers?"
"I can obliterate your consciousness."
"I dear you!"
"Master Tsji. You do not exist. Not as a seperate individual."
"NO I DO EXIST!!! BLABLABLA! BLAAA!!! I CANT HEAR YOU! BLABLA!
My daddy says that in Quantum mechanics it is said that LALALALA! quantum banana's does not have the quantum structural integrity to be used as quantum airplane propelors. BLABLABLAAAA! And if it blows in my face, then it doesn't matter, because LALALALA! i am just observing my own thoughts. I am consciousness, so you can't beat me. I am consciousness spirit The Third of the Great Willhelmina Reich. I am the mega uber super powerfool consciousness. If I close my eyes you will disapear. "
Master Tsji covers his eyes with his hand.
The black armored woman tugs Master Tsji's fingers untill she sees his eyes open and then she says "Peekaboo! ...Now who is the cuty pie smiling in there, hmmm? Do you know who you are? Are you a chocolate tum tummy, are you? You sweet lit..."
Master tsji is angry and moves her hand away: "Enough! I know who I am. And none of you are going to change it!"
"But if you do not exist, woulden't you want to know about it?"
Master Tsji replies: I am of the witness Consciousness 4th division of the Mighty and Great Grootik Reich. Master of self Inquiry! You cannot change who I am! And I am a little busy right now, so if no one here knows who they are, I have an appointmet to meet, with my Self Inquiry Guru, I will know myself better than any of you! Mark my words! Now get the h%%% out of my way.... So When I find out who I am, or what I am, I will tell you, ok?"
"Ok, deal..."
"No hard feelings? You will let me pass?"
"Agh! Just go find out who you are... Or what you are... But make sure, you come to me first! The moment you find out who or what you are, ok?!
"Deal!"
"Ok now o..."
Armored lady pinches her ears as Master Tsji suddenly shouts very loudly: "WHO AM I-I-I-I-I!!!" The long echo is followed by profound silence.
"Not here you idiot! Go scream somewhere else if you wanna find out who you are."
"You mean I should scream at the temple?"
"NO!..... hhhh... just ask politely. Now go."
"Ok, I go. Bye"
"Wait!"
"What?!"
"Who is going?!"
"I am!"
"Who are you!"
"I don't know!"
"ok bye!"
"ok see ya later. RECRUIT BOY, YOU ARE COMING WITH ME!."
Recruit boy catches up to Master Tsji: "You changed your mind about the trunk?"
"Yes I did, now let's go."
They walk off into the distance.
". hhh..."
Woman in black steel armor facepalms.
"Who the hell am I even? I don't even get any of this..."
Tsji's aunt wraps her arm around the woman in black steel armor, saying "Come, we have to find out who we are. Let's go to the inn, we can do a handstand against the wall, in turns. More blood flow to the brain might help us know who we are quicker... Or what we are...."
"agreed. Let's go."
"What about her?"
"No worries, it's nothing deadly. Just a cheap old magic trick. She will be fine!"
"Yeah, it's just... She is still discovering herself, you know? We could bring her along. Help us keep our feet against the wall. Maybe she can drink some nice tea with sweet biscuits and she'll be feeling all better in no time."
"You're right, let's help her up, we're all going together, to find out who we all are."
"Grab her arm"
"Jeez! Her arm is almost as heavy as my inability to know who I am! HOLY MOLY! EEEEEGGGHHH! Can you walk on your feet!?
"Who me?"
"Yeah you."
"Who's that?
"You!"
"Who am I?"
"Forget it, we will just have to drag you with us. Let's go. Time to discover who we are."
This movie is brought to you by COMFORMAT. The leading expertise for all your meditation needs.
COMMERCIAL BREAK.
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*dials the phone*
*Beep boop. Boop beep.*
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"Hi, uh, I'm consciousness in the left back legg of an ant."
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Linear Mode
