Fem & Masc equality

[FairyCrystal]

I was at an event, group of women and 1 man who was there with his partner.
At some point we were outdoors and about to dance around the Maypole with ribbons. One woman was chosen as May Queen and had to hold up the pole. Now it may not have been very heavy, but holding that up for an extended period of time will make it heavy.
So I suggested something like, “We have a man present. Maybe he can be the May King and help out?”
Then I got some serious knee-jerk reactions, mostly from his partner and another woman, possibly her gal pal but not sure.
Something along the vein of that being old-fashioned etc.
I decided to leave it at that moment. We were celebrating, not the right place to start a discussion and make things awkward.

But it did make me think.
In my country we have progressed quite the bit with the equality thing. We’re not 100% there yet, but no country is. Not yet.
In some professions –also simple work like restocking a supermarket- women and girls get paid less still than their male counterparts!
But in general we are doing really well over here.

To then come across these knee-jerk reactions... I felt that was strange.
Thinking about it seems they’re stuck in the phase of ‘I have to prove myself!” while true equality is about NOT having to prove yourself anymore.
When we’re equal it’s about having the freedom to do and choose things that used to be for the other gender only.
Also about getting respect for what you do which is especially important for a woman’s choice as for thousands of years we’ve been taking for granted. There was no acknowledgement, pay-check, respect, status, promotion etc. for being a housewife, mother, partner.
And for a long time we’ve had to fight hard to have the right to do and be the same as our male counterparts. But the peak of that has gone, at least in my country (I’m aware it’s not like that yet in other countries, incl. other first world countries).

So what is true equality about?
No longer having to prove you can do it.
Getting respect for what you choose to do in life.
Having the freedom to do what makes you happy, incl. when it’s something that used to be for the other gender only.
And...
It’s also about acknowledging your own weaknesses! AND being okay with that. Which goes back to nr 1: not having anything to prove anymore. And realise that it's not a weakness.

Generally speaking women aren’t as strong physically as men. Considering what happened last weekend, that part seems to rattle certain people’s cages?
But what is wrong with it? Nothing!
Women and men are created for different purposes. Our female bodies are built to have children, and probably also to be softer and rounder to be more attractive to males which is quite important when it comes to procreation and our species survival.
The difference in our bodies is found in fat and muscle tissues and hormones. All Divinely orchestrated. Our brains produce and/or regulate all that stuff for us.
Conversely, the male body is hard, muscular, not curvy, and to make procreation work women find such males attractive.
*** All generally speaking, there are exceptions, I know!

So... if that makes woman in general less physically strong, what’s the big deal? Why have a problem with that?
It doesn’t make us less and certainly not unequal to men.
Men and women aren’t supposed to be the same. We’re supposed to complement one another.

Personally I see more strength in being able to embrace our differences and being able to acknowledge you’re not physically strong enough for a certain task. It’s something that I feel deserves respect, more so than someone trying to do it anyway even when their body lets them know it’s too much.

If you still feel and act as if you have to prove yourself to show you’re equal and as good you’re not equal. Then you’re stuck in the process of getting to true equality and deep down (re)acting from feeling not good enough/less/not equal.
Then you're stagnant, not equal.

Of course it’s quite the process, both individually as in society as we’re up against changing an entire huge collective field concerning this.

Nevertheless, I was surprised to meet such knee-jerk reactions. For the most part because it means people (still) don’t understand what it’s all about, still get their hackles up, and don’t understand the meaning of equality.
And that’s what I in turn don’t understand, them not understanding.

[lostsoul13]

I understand that you were only trying to help: it’s a big issue masculine and feminine.

I think we have come a long way but we can’t deter from the fact men are more stronger than women I’m not talking about the 20% that body build but a man is just being polite???

If that’s old fashioned then I don’t understand? Women should have the right to have a go and what men do and be paid the same. There’s no doubt in that but why put your self out for something man just finds easier to cope with??

Women have children and I’m old fashioned here are probably the best for the child- a father is also but you can live without a father but there would be no child if it weren’t for the mother???

[inavalan]

Many people seem to think more in terms of what others owe to them, or do to them, and less in terms of what they themselves do, and might owe to themselves and others. That'a a sure way to cause yourself suffering.

We create our own reality according to our beliefs, feelings, and expectations, consciously and unconsciously. It only seems that our experience depends on others.

[kris]

I think we should not celebrate equality without acknowledging uniqueness.

[JustBe]

As the one looking into all this, you alone can decide to build understanding where people reside in their process and life choices. How others set up their world, their ideas, their reality is the celebration of differences only you can embrace. Even others in their knee jerk reaction, that’s all part of letting others be in the way they see things.

And to do that you do have to acknowledge uniqueness as Kris has said.

Uniqueness means we all see and feel differently..we each hold a unique perspective on life.

Does that mean it’s a permanent view?

Not at all..

[SmallVoice]

The reason why is because no one actually values the feminine, including most so-called feminists. Femininity and all its associated attributes is seen as weak and inherently inferior and subordinate to masculinity and its attributes. Hence the need to prove that women are or can be as "strong" (i.e. physically strong) as men. There are many nuanced reasons for this, one being the long history of men using their superior physical strength to subjugate women, control our sexuality, control our bodily autonomy, and exploit us as a reproductive resource. Because of this, many women are rightfully triggered by the reminder of male physical strength, because it serves as a reminder of all the ways it can and has been used against us. So many women react to this by trying to prove that they are "just as good as men" by partaking in various manifestations of "masculinity," i.g. pursuing a high-powered career, climbing the corporate ladder, being good at/interested more physical activities, pursuing casual sex, viewing family and children as a hinderance to personal growth, valuing rationality over emotion, etc. Of course, these are all very shallow, immature manifestations of masculinity, which comes with many more virtuous attributes, but this still what a lot of women think of when looking to "beat men at their own game." No one ever questions if it's a game worth playing; women who've been conditioned to devalue femininity just take for granted its superiority because it a game played predominantly by men, often to their own detriment.

If we actually valued femininity and actually considered ourselves of equal value to men, we would embrace the associated attributes: compassion, creativity, emotional intelligence, valuing relationships and community, being nurturing, maintaining a work/life balance, living harmony with nature, viewing family and children as a source of strength/love, pursing meaningful work, pursuing sex as a means of bonding, etc. That being said, look at the list of masculine traits versus the feminine traits and ask yourself: which is more admired and rewarded within our culture? When masculine traits and behaviors earn greater social/financial rewards, embracing them becomes an act of survival.

[inavalan]

Originally Posted by SmallVoice

The reason why is because no one actually values the feminine ...

This is quite extreme, an definitely it isn't true.

If you believe that, then that's what you'll experience, because the reality you experience is the consequence of your beliefs, emotions and expectations.

[Redchic12]

I so agree with Inavalan.

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by SmallVoice

.....That being said, look at the list of masculine traits versus the feminine traits and ask yourself: which is more admired and rewarded within our culture? When masculine traits and behaviors earn greater social/financial rewards, embracing them becomes an act of survival.

True, and it's going to take time even though the change has already started.
Thing is, no one really remembers what it should be like as no one has seen this manifest, yet.
So we're re-inventing how it should be and it cannot take form (yet) the way it once was as our society is entirely different. Meaning giving it form within the workings of our current society.
It is happening but I think it has been the hardest on the female forerunners who had to be the spearhead to break through masculine walls and rules and ways of doing things.
I've had such a woman for a manager at some point. Man, was she a biotch!! You were 10x better off dealing with a man. She was tough as nails, no sympathy, empathy, hard as glass. But then, she had to maintain herself in a group of male directors and if she'd show some feminine softness it'd be taken for weakness and she'd be walked all over. She'd had to fight like crazy to get where she was.

Let's just hope that the generation that can follow in the footsteps of these forerunners can do it in a gentler, more feminine way.

we will get there, but you cannot stop a locomotive that's running at 100 kms per hour in one go and turn the other way. It'd wreck the entire train and destroy the engine.

[A human Being]

@SmallVoice - excellent post, you nailed it for my money. It would be very unfortunate if women en masse started behaving more like men and suppressing their feminine attributes in order to gain parity in a man's world, although I fully understand why this happens; no, it seems to me that what the world really needs is more empathy, compassion, vulnerability, openness. In other words, what the world needs is a deep embrace of the feminine principle.

@FairyCrystal - I'm only surprised that you're surprised by the reaction of the women at the event, to be honest, that sort of hyper-sensitivity is what I've come to expect, particularly from more liberal types.