How do you know if you're having a spiritual awakening?

SmallVoice · #1 22-04-2023, 08:22 PM

I have looked up videos and articles that list all the signs, and I think I have most of them. I have just recently come out of what might be called a "dark night of the soul" that pretty much forced me to process my traumas, reevaluate all my beliefs, change jobs, and give up on some of my dreams. I've gone from feeling angry, bitter, depressed, unable to sleep, and suicidal to genuinely enjoying life again. I've been seeing "angel numbers" everywhere, I have been seeing bright lights while I meditate, I have been wanting to be out in nature more, to be of service to the people around me (even though I generally don't like people lol), and I'm coming off of an anxiety medication I've been on for two years.

Still, part of me thinks that it's all just all in my head. I always feel happier in the spring because it's my favorite season and I get to go outside more. Plus, I just got out of a really bad job and now have a really great one, so that helps. The angel numbers could just as easily be confirmation bias, and I'm seeing them more because I'm looking for them. I'm also just a little nervous to explore all this because I grew up in a really devout Catholic household, and so much of what one might call "New Age" spirituality was considered demonic. I even got scolded by a priest once for saying I believe in reincarnation. I was also told over and over again that God wanted nothing to do with me because I'm gay. So part of me feels like I won't actually get anywhere on my spiritual path because people like me aren't welcome.

So how do you know? How do you know if you're waking up or just delusional?

inavalan · #2 22-04-2023, 09:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SmallVoice

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So how do you know? How do you know if you're waking up or just delusional?

As long as you still have doubts, you aren't delusional. Not kidding.

iamthat · #3 22-04-2023, 10:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SmallVoice

...I've gone from feeling angry, bitter, depressed, unable to sleep, and suicidal to genuinely enjoying life again. ... How do you know if you're waking up or just delusional?

Some teachings speak of the burning ground, a period of difficulty where we are compelled to examine all areas of our lives and let go of whatever no longer serves us. This is a time of purification. You seem to have been through such a process. Your description sounds like you are now on the right track and you seem to be more aligned with your spiritual purpose.

So is this a genuine spiritual awakening or is it all in your head?

I would say, don't over-think it. Do we need to give these things a label of spiritual awakening? The reality of what you are experiencing is what counts, whatever label we give it. Flow with whatever happens and see where it leads.

Yes, you do have the particular challenge of a Catholic upbringing, with all the ideas of sin and guilt which that implies. I suspect that God does not give a damn whether you are gay or not. What counts is what is in your heart, not who you might be attracted to. Don't worry about the opinions of any priests - they are just ordinary humans with certain beliefs and fears.

At the end of the day you are the best spiritual authority on your own spiritual path, so don't be afraid to trust your own inner wisdom.

Peace

Miss Hepburn · #4 22-04-2023, 10:58 PM

OMG, people will fill your brain full of so much nonsense...God loves gays...He is gay...think on that one!

Love is love!! And He loves love - all from my personal experience!
OH! I just read you were Catholic, my sympathies....you got a lot to shake off, m'dear!

SmallVoice · #5 23-04-2023, 02:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iamthat

Yes, you do have the particular challenge of a Catholic upbringing, with all the ideas of sin and guilt which that implies. I suspect that God does not give a damn whether you are gay or not. What counts is what is in your heart, not who you might be attracted to. Don't worry about the opinions of any priests - they are just ordinary humans with certain beliefs and fears.

The thing is, I know this in my head and I even know this deep down, but it seems to always in the back of my mind. I worry that the only reason I'm seeking "alternative paths" is because I'm not willing to sacrifice my marriage to follow the "true Christian path" and therefore, just fooling myself. Though, to be honest, their stance on homosexuality is the least among my disagreements with mainline Christianity/Catholicism. I have considered the idea that maybe I ended up gay for exactly that reason: to steer me away from rigid dogmas towards a more authentic spirituality. Purging myself of all the indoctrination has probably been about 90% of the inner work I've had to do up to this point. My inner critic is much quieter than it used to be, but it still crops up from time to time.

SmallVoice · #6 23-04-2023, 02:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

OH! I just read you were Catholic, my sympathies....you got a lot to shake off, m'dear!

LOL! Thank you. That really made me laugh. Yeah, it's a lot. My therapist got her money's worth out of me.

SaraTherase · #7 23-04-2023, 06:20 AM

I think you awaken to your senses. You awaken from the inside out as in you start to feel at peace, joyous and alive. You become in alignment with yourself as in your heart and mind start to align. You become in alignment with the universe and your natural manifestation abilities start to activate within you attracting your wants and desires.

I think you become aware of who you really are. It's a really beautiful thing to experience. I went through the dark night of the soul that which you described in your first paragraph then I awakened after doing the hard work. I am presently going through another dark night of the soul and it's been really challenging to put it mildly so I guess one can have several awakenings in their lifetime.

You sound like your doing well and that in itself is something to be proud of as life can certainly throw us some curveballs. Sometimes in life we thrive, sometimes we survive but their is much I find to be gained from both though the first is a much more joyous experience. May you find your joy and inspiration on your journey. Best of luck to you on all your endeavors

AngelBlue · #8 23-04-2023, 06:34 AM

Oh my goodness . You just KNOW. One day you open your eyes and everything is different. Everything looks different, feels different, YOU are different and everything is strange and new and wonderful.
There will be no doubt about that.
Please please PLEASE do NOT berate yourself or wonder if you are still "worthy" because you are gay.
I fully understand the concept of non believe in certain things connected to the Catholic church. I have many years of experience of it myself...
Let's be honest here...
God loves us all. Each and every one of us. There is a place in heaven for all of us . We are all God's children regardless of creed, colour, sexuality , etc etc...
And you COULD go one step further and say that if indeed you are on an awakening journey that makes you ever MORE special, like one of the "chosen" ones.
Another very important thing to remember is this.
The soul is just energy and is genderless !!!!!

Native spirit · #9 23-04-2023, 09:12 AM

so true

Namaste

iamthat · #10 23-04-2023, 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SmallVoice

The thing is, I know this in my head and I even know this deep down, but it seems to always in the back of my mind. ... Purging myself of all the indoctrination has probably been about 90% of the inner work I've had to do up to this point.

Yes, we may know these things on a conscious level, but the subconscious programming can go very deep.

We are told that we deliberately choose the circumstances of our birth and upbringing prior to incarnation to provide us with certain necessary experiences. It would be interesting to see the full picture of why we have made these choices.

Peace