Depression and PTSD

Enchanted_DreamFaerie · #1 15-01-2016, 04:59 PM

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to talk about this but all my life I've been dealing with PTSD and depression. Also a highly sensitive person and it doesn't take much to make me cry and there's times where I need space from people. Been in two abusive relationships and as a child I was abused by my father. I won't go into detail cause it might upset everyone who reads this. Just recently found out I had abnormal cells on my cervix and I go back in a few days to check if everything is cleared up. This worries me.....I feel like all my life I've been surrounded my turmoil and I just wanna be happy.

That's what lead me to this site cause I want to meditate, use crystals, herbs and relax myself. All my life I've always been spiritual and I've believed in ghosts and knew that we weren't the only ones here. A lot of people laugh at my beliefs and make me feel so low about myself. I'm guessing I suffer with low self esteem due to the past abuse. And I suffer with fear of abandonment. One thing I keep saying is "I'm sorry." I say this constantly, even when I didn't do anything wrong. I wish I could buy a book on how to stop yourself from saying your sorry. Whenever I read books, especially books on trying to lift your spirits up I feel better. I need to ground myself and stop beating myself up all the time.

I'm so tired of crying and being in this pain. I know I look weak right now but I recently got out of an abusive relationship and I keep having flash backs, I want them to stop.... In my past I did a lot of horrible things and got addicted to drugs but now I'm better. Please don't delete this thread, I just had to reach out cause I've been bottling this in for so long. If someone is willing on giving me some advice or thoughts, please give them to me. However please be gentle with me cause I'm in such a vulnerable state right now. Thank you.

Always,
Enchanted

Clover · #2 15-01-2016, 05:30 PM

Hi enchanted dream faeire,

your post is just fine, you didn't break any rules at all. Thank you for opening up and telling your story, you are a very brave person in doing so.
Myself personally, I would feel most comfortable knowing you talk to a professional or support group in your area who is more equip and skilled to offer advice on abuse and PTSD because it is a serious matter that shouldn't be taken lightly. I'd google for support groups in your area.
I hope someone here else can offer you more comforting advice on this matter.

Cloves

Hirae · #3 16-01-2016, 12:03 PM

Bad things happen because of bad vibrations. You are used to pain so try not reminding yourself about your past. The universe works that way - you say something about your way of living and it says "yes, that's how it is". Try focusing on healing and caring for yourself instead of digging in the past. About the cells you're worried about - turmeric is the thing you should look for.

Good luck and keep us in touch :)

Native spirit · #4 16-01-2016, 10:43 PM

Hi DreamFaerie,

You need to stop beating yourself up about your past,focus on the here and now go get your smear checked out,and focus on one thing at a time have you been to see a counsellor? about your PTSD.?
that would be your first thing to do it can help you dont be afraid to tell your counsellor how you are feeling.believe me you wont shock us we have heard all sorts.you need to get some antidepressants from your doctor.that along with the counselling can make you feel a lot better,

Namaste

Deepsoul · #5 17-01-2016, 01:35 AM

Dear dreamfarie ,I have experienced similar stuff to you , it does get better but it does take time and work ,this is a great place for learning ,I think you should be very proud of yourself and really see how far you have come ,the flash backs will get a lot less ,everytime you see one try to send the person or situation forgiveness ,none of us are perfect, Can you tell yourself often that you are important and that you love yourself and so does God too ,I had those cells ,keep up with the doctor ,what they did with mine was laser them and that was 20yrs ago and no problems since,Do you have a Domestic violence shelter or counsellors near you ,I did a course through them and learnt assertiveness ,it really helped me to stop saying sorry for everything, you are not responsible for other peoples feeling all the time ,so let them deal with there stuff ,if we keep being less than them that is how they will only see you ,we are responsible for our feeling and thoughts though and this does take time ,I hope that you do reach out and get some professional counselling and I'm praying for you that it will be with someone that can really help you to see things clearer and love yourself more ...Love and Light Deepsoul

Green.Heals · #6 17-01-2016, 03:23 AM

Be careful of antidepressants, they can make things worse. I know everyone is different. If one doesn't learn what it is that causes Depression, emotionally in their lives, antidepressants will not be any fix at all. They can make one quite ill, & yes I am sure there are a good few they have worked for.

They did not work for myself, (coming from severely depressive states) & I had to keep upping the dosage higher & higher, even when I felt completely numbed out. To the point where I got into other behaviors just so I could feel again.

I have a past of trauma, depression, & PSTD, to name a few. Some of them I allow to haunt me, & some I have been able to let go. I would definitely check in with a T (therapist) of some type, Enchanted. If you find one that suits. & as another mentioned, baby steps. Look after YOU, your health. Your mind. Your spirit.

The more you know & understand about what it is that causes you to respond, act, feel, think the way you do, the better in time you can & will feel, because you CAN change.

Depression can be causation of many things, deficiencies in nutrition, or (a food allergy), emotional pain (ptsd)

Saying sorry, is something I automatically did for a very long time. Even though I knew I never meant it, for me it was automatic word vomit as I was afraid to JUST BE. Alive. In anyone's way. YOU get a turn too. You have just as much right to be here. To act. To have a chance, To have AN OPINION.

If you can find a T you trust, look into therapies such as CBT or DBT. DBT can be a powerful tool to help you with getting grounded, being mindful, interpersonal relations, self soothing and much more. It may be a good starting field & you may find a T that is more suited with past trauma's in this same area. You can do one on one, & they also offer group. I am only stating this, as the fear of abandonment spoke very loud to me with the Depression/PTSD/past trauma -growing up. It may be helpful to you & it may not. Hopefully you are able to find a place in your area that isn't costly. Some are private practices & others are not, such as out patient clinics.

All the best to you, Enchanted.

Clover · #7 17-01-2016, 10:45 PM

Just a heads up for members, we can't make the judgement for someone else to advice if "antidepressants" do or don't work, that is best known for a professional to recommend. Although, I recognize pharmaceuticals do have a bad reputation, they do work for some people. That saying, I do want to caution with giving any kind of medical/medicine advice, plus, it is a forum
rule

DF, I know some people may recommend Meditation, personally to me it requires a lot of discipline at first ( and I am sure you can get there). Maybe more helpful if you just practice on simple breathing techniques. Really, sometimes breathing is enough. I recommend looking into Pranayama (Breathing) Exercises. It sort of a type of yoga.

Deepsoul · #8 17-01-2016, 11:51 PM

You can also try Googling sites like ,How to be assertive ,get self esteem and love unconditionally , the topics are endless ,I ve found them very helpful ...

Naked Guru · #9 18-01-2016, 01:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enchanted_DreamFaerie

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to talk about this but all my life I've been dealing with PTSD and depression. Also a highly sensitive person and it doesn't take much to make me cry and there's times where I need space from people. Been in two abusive relationships and as a child I was abused by my father. I won't go into detail cause it might upset everyone who reads this. Just recently found out I had abnormal cells on my cervix and I go back in a few days to check if everything is cleared up. This worries me.....I feel like all my life I've been surrounded my turmoil and I just wanna be happy.

That's what lead me to this site cause I want to meditate, use crystals, herbs and relax myself. All my life I've always been spiritual and I've believed in ghosts and knew that we weren't the only ones here. A lot of people laugh at my beliefs and make me feel so low about myself. I'm guessing I suffer with low self esteem due to the past abuse. And I suffer with fear of abandonment. One thing I keep saying is "I'm sorry." I say this constantly, even when I didn't do anything wrong. I wish I could buy a book on how to stop yourself from saying your sorry. Whenever I read books, especially books on trying to lift your spirits up I feel better. I need to ground myself and stop beating myself up all the time.

I'm so tired of crying and being in this pain. I know I look weak right now but I recently got out of an abusive relationship and I keep having flash backs, I want them to stop.... In my past I did a lot of horrible things and got addicted to drugs but now I'm better. Please don't delete this thread, I just had to reach out cause I've been bottling this in for so long. If someone is willing on giving me some advice or thoughts, please give them to me. However please be gentle with me cause I'm in such a vulnerable state right now. Thank you.

Always,
Enchanted

You are the same as everybody else on the planet, you are ignorant because you have not found your way out of your emotional and psychological problems, and that is why you were here in this body to achieve this, you need to learn an awareness Meditation technique, you need to learn some yoga, you need to challenge your physical limitations by getting yourself super fit, then you need to learn how to challenger your emotions and transform them. These things will solve all your problems. Do not waste your time with beliefs or theories, just go out and do the physical things.

Green.Heals · #10 18-01-2016, 02:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clover

Just a heads up for members, we can't make the judgement for someone else to advice if "antidepressants" do or don't work, that is best known for a professional to recommend. Although, I recognize pharmaceuticals do have a bad reputation, they do work for some people. That saying, I do want to caution with giving any kind of medical/medicine advice, plus, it is a forum
rule

DF, I know some people may recommend Meditation, personally to me it requires a lot of discipline at first ( and I am sure you can get there). Maybe more helpful if you just practice on simple breathing techniques. Really, sometimes breathing is enough. I recommend looking into Pranayama (Breathing) Exercises. It sort of a type of yoga.

Gotcha, I have read the forum rules, I do not always remember them.

I guess I felt a little thrown back upon reading a moderator giving the advice to use antidepressants. It seems however, that I am in the wrong a lot on this board, & need to watch myself as I've possibly ticked off a few mods already.

Thank you for the heads up. Sometimes I need a reminder.