How about this for a discussion..
About 2-3 times a week, I am wracked with migraines, vertigo, nausea, weakness, fainting spells, gastrointestinal upsets, chest pain, palpitations, and a choking sensation in my throat.
These attacks can last anywhere from a few hours to all day..sometimes I don't get a break from it for weeks on end.
Yes, I have been to the doctor....many, many doctors and I have undergone hundreds of tests over the past 20 years.
Their diagnosis? Psychosomatic Disorder. My subconscious mind is trying to kill me and one day, it will succeed and there will be no physical "cause of death" beyond my heart just stopping.
After going to doctors for this 2-3 times a month for the past 20 years, only to be labeled with such things....."Somatization"..."Conversion Disorder"..."Fictitious Disorder"..."Munchausens"..."Hypochondria" I have learned through conditioning NOT to go to the doctor when I feel sick...no matter HOW sick I feel. It took a while to condition myself to do that.
As I cannot tell the difference between "real symptoms" and "physical hallucinations" there will be no medical intervention for me....if I live, I live and if I die, I die. It is God's Will and in His hands...but of course I still go to the doctors twice a year for a check up just to keep my family happy.
In doing research on unexplainable deaths, I found out that what I have is rare, but also not totally unheard of...happening more than doctors would ever admit to.
https://www.bbc.com/future/article/2...rself-to-death
The treatment option is to externalize my awareness to constantly "ground myself" so, meditation is totally out of the question, however mindfulness isn't.
The more radical approach is to adopt the Wim Hof method to make the body and mind more resilient to damage caused through forced adaptation...I mean, my adrenal glands are totally shot and doctors can agree on THAT at least..so my "cause of death" will most probably read "adrenal exhaustion".
Yeah, I have been taking adaptogenic compounds for about a year now with little to no effect...there goes that old "nocebo effect" again and some doctors have even said to me "you don't need a doctor, you need a priest" and I start wondering whether my head is gonna spin around while I start speaking in Latin and vomiting pea soup.
It is difficult explaining it to my loved ones when they see my body wracked with pain, having seizures, passing out and they say "what is wrong with you?" only for me to say "nothing" and then I get accused of fabrication as IF I had any choice/say in the matter...I only wish that I DID so that I could pi$$ this annoyance off once and for all.
I have been to hypnotherapists, psychiatrists, psychologists...been on every medication from Anafranil to Zoloft...done CBT, DBT, NLP, EFT, EMDR...I could write a book on all those things and nothing anybody has tried has even managed to scratch the surface of this.
So for now, to keep myself happy, I have chalked it all up to "Kundalini Psychosis" and/or "Demonic Possession" and in such cases there isn't anything that anybody else CAN do...the only thing one can do as an individual is to stop fighting it and putting up resistance and just give in...surrender to it. Death may occur and it may not occur...but whether it does or not shouldn't be the issue.
It is just one hell of a scary ride...but I also understand the more one lets go of the handlebars, the less scarier the ride is.
Linear Mode
