A million ways to cope with depression

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

blessings to you Louisa.
it is normal to be weird.

[Louisa]

Blessings to you.

Yes, it is very normal to be a little weird, agree.

It's a matter of degree, how far outside the norms, in what ways, how many ways, etc. But even so it helps to see that we're all weird, and what is taken to be normal, really isn't normal. It's just the agreed on thing we can all pretend to agree on. Or.. ha, something like that?

When one starts questioning the agreed upon things and digs deeper, it can take you to weirder and weirder "realities", and yet, I am so glad I'm as weird as I am.

That is one of my best coping mechanisms, actually. Many of my weird things are coping mechanisms.

But hey in normal society, a huge percent of what is on this forums is called weird, .. or crazy too.

It's a good thing we don't always have to care what others think or pay attention. Yay for that.

[Louisa]

Putting some more thoughts out here about this. I haven't started sending the messages about depression coping ways. I guess I got overwhelmed and self conscious. Anyway, I'm getting some inspiration about where to begin. I thought, I needed to find just the right angle to begin, kind of like "make a good first impression", with this, so my relative will decide to listen to my ideas about coping with depression (not to be pushy or anything, but really, something NEEDS to be done, I feel, and so,.. I just feel I have things that can really help her but need to have her see this before she'll take steps on her own).

But then I thought, maybe instead of a big idea, it's about the daily life stuff, caring and being there, however I can. I felt I was in a "bad alignment" to help her, and so I kept on delaying starting this... Still not sure.

I have a problem with this because unless my relative gives me feedback, then the daily caring is one sided. I understand why, in her case, it might be that way, and yet... Such caring may be even taken as offensive and disturbing for the other, burdensome, intrusive,.. (especially because of the possibility of Borderline Personality Disorder, I feel this might be an problem, and the individualistic modern "me" culture that says "everyone has to treat me this way I want to be treated (maybe through first mind-reading what that is supposed to even be.. lol), "and if they even care in the wrong way, I have the right to feel upset about it", etc.). But they might not feel able to say so, out of a misplaced sense of politeness... I have heard my relative complain about how others treat her, even when they're trying to be friendly and caring in little ways, and so that worries me. She can get very upset about small gestures like asking how school is, etc. She feels they don't really care or that they need to care in more elaborate ways than just asking about that, or that it's nosy.. Ugh.. (Btw, I know some might read this and judge her, but it's not about judging and I don't want to get into any kind of judgmental concepts about it, it's just the way it is.. She means well and her life has been hard, complicated, isolated, so I understand her reactions even if I think they're too extreme).

It's fully understandable for my relative that she might not feel able to tell me what's going on, because she's depressed. She is also very wrapped up in her boyfriend, so that she spends most of her time with him. We also don't have that much in common in some ways, which makes talking and connecting harder.

It's understandable, yet it makes the above, "daily stuff" hard. She gives me little gestures of caring. Sometimes like cute videos of animals and funny videos and pictures, and stuff like this. I can't calm down enough to feel mellow and peaceful and enjoy these things. They helped me in past times, when I was very depressive. But now when I get any free time to think straight, it's filled with reading, writing and divination. These are the only things I enjoy (at this point in my life) and help me with my problems, and with just rest, intense recovery, and energy healing.

So I just don't relate to her, and it's sad and I don't know what to do right now. I also don't feel I relate to most people very well, and yet,..

And yes, I really do feel like certain that I have things to offer her that can really help her, but again, it's trying to motivate someone to climb out of a pit, when they might feel that it's too dangerous to try, but I can see better than that, from my perspective,.. I KNOW there are things she can do that will help and not make things worse. Still of course, she has to choose it, and I wouldn't try to be too pushy. I just want to help to make these things enticing enough for her to want to choose it, to feel enthusiastic about it and have enough hope and that is my task.

I need to do this in a way that makes it exciting and pleasant, and seems very doable and believable for her. That is what I need to do, and I ask, gods, how? How so that I will feel I can keep on going strong, without doubt in what I KNOW is good, without self consciousness and feeling like I'm being judged as unhelpful, when I KNOW what I have to offer will help her

I really feel I KNOW what would help her, at least to get the ball rolling, where she can continue on and will be able to find her way, with my support as a close friend. ..Not that every suggestion would help her but that some of them would. I know her situation well enough to be pretty sure of that. I could be wrong, but I highly doubt it. Unless there is some kind of hidden physical problem, but I think it can't hurt to offer her these suggestions, anyway, as long as I'm not pushy or judgmental in how I do it.. And that is the reason that I really need to keep myself motivated and to find the right angle to share these things to reach her...

[Louisa]

Hello.

I just thought, in case anyone is interested to learn more of my "million ways to cope with depression", I am trying to articulate it and write it down, for my relative, but like I've said, I think I need to tailor that to her personality, to reach through the inertia that depression and spiritual depression and physical and life concerns can all create.

To break through the inertia, I have to find the ways I can really reach through all that inertia and overcome it, and that is no easy task. Especially as my own depression seems to be fighting to come back to life again, lately,.. And my physical pain and illnesses and fatigue and brain fog too. I thought I had them all better, mostly, for a while now, but it seems oh well, it's coming back.

That might actually be good, because perhaps it will help me to see more clearly what others might be going through.. To see the burdens, the stagnation, the tiredness, the lack of faith or hope or enthusiasm or emotional energy, etc.. Firsthand, and intensely.. So I don't get too chieery or too intense in my attempts to help others help themselves, (hell, now, too, to help me help myself).. Baby steps, etc, when dealing with this kind of thing..

So... anyway.. Yeah just wanted to say that I'm starting a thread documenting my journey of trying to send these things to my relative, but it hasn't really gotten going yet. I'm more in the preparatory and planning phase lol, which I am talking about now in that thread, .. But I eventually am going to write the coping ways in that thread, for anyone who is interested in that. It's in the "your space" section.

It's titled "The Happy Jar". I am going to put my ideas on slips of paper in a jar, which is decorated with pictures and art on the outside of the jar. I already began this, for my own use, but I want to do creative, fun stuff as a way to share it. I'm making Pinterest boards as well but I have yet to really get those off of the ground,.. Gathering so many ideas now which I have yet to post. Deliberating what order to present them for the best impact and effectiveness, when it comes to all this more than anything.

Because a million ideas of how to do something that might be a very linear process, where you have to start with the right thing the right way? Yeah, I just have to do it right or my million ideas might not have any effect.

[Louisa]

So here is the thread that I mentioned, where I'm writing of my thoughts on how to relate and connect to her, ..

And, eventually, I will put my coping ways there, but like I said, it could take some time to feel I've found the best way to reach through and break through any resistance (the whole "I'm too depressed to want to try" things where she might even resent and start shutting me out because she thinks I can't help her how she wants helping.. It's not so obvious how to help someone that only wants help in a certain way, but, doesn't know themselves what that way is, just that it is not THAT way. Which, if they say it's not THAT way, then they're right, because only they can choose for themselves and there are so many factors, physical, emotional, and spiritual and existential, that can be very complicated, but can't be ignored, when it comes to addressing spiritual/existential depression and ordinary clinical depression too. Psychologists are the "go to" method for many, and yet they didn't help me much, for example. It can be complex.

The thread, though, for anyone interested:

http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...ad.php?t=99260

[Alice_1]

Interesting!

[Louisa]

Hm, maybe I should note, that thread I linked to, in my last post on this thread, lost sight of its original purpose. It's no longer primarily about that but just about sorting through my own stuff, mostly. And about diverting me away from my own depression, or working through my own issues, rather than offering solutions that will help others. It might be more depressing to read than helpful at times. Mostly, it's just totally personal, irrelevant to others' problems or depression altogether I suppose. Dreams, my relationships, and randomness.

I still try to keep the original purpose in mind and return to it when I have the clarity and energy and am not too distracted with other problems and such. However, times like that have been truly pretty rare. My life was harder than I thought, somehow. I'm not very depressed, but then again, maybe I am and I just am not as depressed as before, and somehow I didn't realize I was depressed. I guess that is what it boils down too. But, that was a good self reflective discovery.

In addition to that her problems are more sensitive and different from mine than I thought. So it's like help is not quite wanted, (or even needed either) much of the time, and becomes awkward. I'm glad though I experimented with the idea, before really trying to force the issue and push my "help".