Can I ask for awakening overnight?

[FallingLeaves]

maybe you should try another tact and forget dealing directly with the fear. Sometimes, turning from resistance and embracing what you don't want, even supporting it in some way, has a cathartic effect over time. What I'm saying is you are drowning in your thoughts, and I'm suggesting you go along with them and maybe try to emphasize them a little instead of fighting them. Kinda like, try to swim, but swim with the current rather than either letting it overcome you or swimming against it.

I can't guarantee that will work of course, trapped where you are it is hard to find anything that works. But it will at least give you something to do other than sitting there feeling helpless...

[inavalan]

Originally Posted by Sarahpro

This is something my therapisf doesn’t seem to believe me about but the minute my heart opened, my life changed for the better, everything was beautiful, but I still had to go through hell. Still a ton of anxiety and depression, but I could face it.
I am just waiting for that moment....cuz I don’t know how to live my life like this. Just praying that overnight by the grace of God my heart will decide to open

If you go to a therapist, and take medicines, that opens a different discussion, because whatever you may be advised on a forum, even with the best intentions, may interfere with your condition and treatments. You, and all the well meaning advisers have to be careful.

Generally fear is the a byproduct of anger.

You might want to think back, if you experienced anger. Often when people get into deeper love for everybody, compassion, sensitivity, they discover others' pain and suffering, and wallow in it. Usually that is accompanied by anger toward perpetrators, social injustice, those who don't care, even toward the self for not doing enough.

Anger, fear, hate are the worst feelings one can have, no matter how justified they seem to be.

Those feelings won't help the victims, won't hurt the perpetrators, but will hurt the one who feels them, and materialize in his/her life in situations that will perpetuate and amplify those feelings.

I hesitate to give more suggestions.

Good luck!

[Sarahpro]

I don’t think it’s anger I think it is just fear.
Pushing the fear down has not been successful, it has only caused more damage, this is why I pray for the equanimity and strength to face it. Facing it right now is not a good idea in the condition I am in
I just really want this to work haha this awakening during sleep. It hasn’t been happening during the day. I don’t see why not but also so far no success

[Sarahpro]

I know it isn’t so realistic . But how it happened last time was I was trapped in my head, my heart opened spontaneously one evening, pure equanimity, and then a few days later my mind was super quiet and all of a sudden the fear came back but I just watched it, and shattered my ego.
Right now I crave this experience as I feel trapped in my ego and very separate form myself and everyone . But I can not control it. It is the opposite of control- surrender. But I don’t trust my mind to be able to surrender. So..I fantasize about my soul awakening in sleep. Why not? Souls know what to do. I kind of know the truth which is that my soul is just waiting for me to realize itself if only I stop thinking , but the issue is that my mind is building up walls even more in response to the fear. It is endless. I don’t have any cracks to let the light in. Except maybe a tiny crack. I burst into tears for like 2 hours the other day. But after that I was just left feeling empty again. How can I get the experience of true equanimity if my mind is constantly constantly clinging?

[inavalan]

You seem to perceive crying as a good sign. You also have other strong beliefs about "what is" and "what you want to be".

I can't tell you that you're right or not, but you should not force yourself into something you believe to be. What if you're wrong?

That's why I said: maybe what you experience now isn't a setback, but a step ahead. Maybe the fear you feel now is the result of what you did, and you shouldn't return there, but go forward from here.

Regarding dream incubation ... You have to relax well mentally before falling asleep, and give your subconscious a suggestion to do whatever you want it to do.

Not too long, clear, positive form (not "don't" something but, "do" something). You can repeat it a couple of times, meaning it, like you know it'll happen. Don't keep mechanically repeating your suggestion. Then go to sleep not thinking about anything.

Repeat this every time during the night when you go back to sleep.

If you're too tired it's unlikely to work.

When you wake up write down what you recall. You can write down during the night too. This improves recollection.

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by Sarahpro

Pushing the fear down has not been successful, it has only caused more damage, this is why I pray for the equanimity and strength to face it. Facing it right now is not a good idea in the condition I am in
I just really want this to work haha this awakening during sleep. It hasn’t been happening during the day. I don’t see why not but also so far no success

I have some understanding of where you are at. Growing up I was crippled by fears. In my 20s these fears were pushed to the surface. And of course, I resisted. Eventually I reached a point where not facing my fears was causing me more pain than anything I might experience by facing my fears. So I began to open up to feeling all the suppressed pain and fear within me. And I found that it was actually OK. Feeling the fear and pain allowed it to be released, and afterwards I felt clearer and lighter. This was not an overnight thing - it went on for many months.

So try to sit and just be present with whatever arises within you. Open yourself and welcome it all. It will not overwhelm you.

Try reading The Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin - it may help.

Peace

[Sarahpro]

Hmmm ok. That just feels impossible right now, facing it. But Thanks

[Sarahpro]

So far no success waking up awakened ahah

[Sarahpro]

just wanna resurface this.... what does it take for an empty heart to burst open again? To find it’s way after feeling increasingly lost and barren? Nothing makes a sense anymore, nothing brings me joy, I am incredibly self absorbed and don’t care about or connect with anyone or thing. I miss my awakened loving self. Every night I pray I wake up feeling different [/i]

[Fatimasque]

I don't know that you can 'decide to wake up awakened' and it happens like poof.
otherwise we all would do it, because it sounds as easy as ever. lol
(not saying it can't happen... its kinda happened to me in some ways, but not as you described, by simply demanding it)

but like mentioned somewhere above
I feel like you are making demands on your heart and your mind and higher self, like they are your things or machines
which you want to work in a specific way.

it is good to miss your loving awakened self, and I promise that I know what you mean and feel, I've had my setbacks and my movements forward and then setbacks again.
I've learned that it is a cycle, and setbacks don't worry me as much anymore.
when we 'set back' and fall into fear or other anxieties again, it just means we have issues to deal with
before our next cycle of awakening. so the higher self is saying, we can't move forward, until we've untangled this little mess
and then the next awakening will be even bigger possibly than the one before.
but I don't think that making demands is the way to go. it sounds like the attitude of an ego, not a loving accepting self.

let it be, and let it go. have faith it will come back around..
in the meantime, focus on life, and see where you can move forward in your mental and physical bodies
whether it is study or exercise, or cultivating the positive friendships you have...
we are not just our spiritual self with the spiritual relationship with the divine or the equanimity of this self.
we are also humans with families and friends and jobs and health and worldly responsibilities.
we cannot ignore these parts of ourselves or think them less important than our spiritual journeys.

it is normal to miss a step or two. it is normal for the cycle to fall before it rises.
if you approach it with anxiety and fear, you are keeping it away. love doesn't respond to fear. it responds to love and trust.
love and trust yourself that you will get there. and let that be good enough for now.

deep breaths. tomorrows always come.

love and peace

fats