How to deal with this situation

[Guff779]

My father just doesn't wish to listen, he used to complain all day for weeks.

And he's negativity is appalling, he is fine now and in the future even financially. He lost his job, but he is getting £100 a week, I give him £100 a week(£50 for bills, other for food and petrol), he has two big bank account savings and will get pension when older and has the mortgage paid off. So he is fine now and fine when he gets older.

He used to say only give money when the bill comes, and I give every week, now he is saying give every week and now give on top of that for the food too.

He got very aggressive when I did not give it for one week and then I gave it.

Even if I miss out 1, 2 or even 3 weeks, he will be fine.

No excellent track record will be good enough for his extreme irrational worries. Its way over the top.

He is losing it for me and him and my future.

He also says 'I'm not clever' 'i have to be clever like my sister'. That is quite a bizarre statement to make. What does he want me to be? He is so insecure with what people think of him.

I don't think its right that he continuously says negative thigs and ridiculous statements like 'I have to be very clever'. When I'm already quite clever and doing well on the side. He thinks I'm doing rubbish, I have no money or need to be told when I'm already doing well.

He just has shoved all the obstacles I've overcome, I had to be more responsible, mature, independent, everything I've achieved and my track record. I don't know what he thinks.

Their is no reason to him saying 'I have to be very clever; when I am and he thinks my situation is bad when Its not, he says struggle with money for me, when he does not listen, does he think I'm 12 years old and think we need the family's help? Does he need their acceptance? Does he think I'll make bad decisions?

He used to care too much what other people think of him.

His he scared of the uncles, aunts(as I've stated in other threads how they behaved towards me) and the community thinks?. He says I'm not clever like others when its ridiculous. He tells me to be clever. For goodness sake, I've achieved a lot and moving forward, doing well too, which I say 'watch until January' and he says ok we will see and other statements.

He doesn't even allow me to move out, when I said I want to do it because I'm moving forward, so he is stopping me from living my life and my future is at stake too? He doesn't take his own son's future into account and for betterment for both. He is close minded in not a good way too. He doesn't wish to listen to anything.

The uncle, aunts have a right laugh seeing his negativity and negativity towards me, seeing his attitude that implies I'm not doing well when its very uncalled for from my father, its unjustified too.

He is ruining it for himself too.

I don't know how to deal with this situation which is having an emotional impact on me. Its uncalled for. My head isn't feeling right because of his attitude and thinking.

Thanks for your time

[Native spirit]

The time is right for you to move away from him and leave him to his negativity.
you have your own life to live, he sounds like a Bitter lonely man.

you have to do what is right for you,he has had his life Now live yours



Namaste

[Guff779]

Thank you for your comments and suggestions Native Spirit.

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by Guff779

I don't know how to deal with this situation which is having an emotional impact on me.
Its uncalled for.
My head isn't feeling right because of his attitude and thinking

And there you have it.
I think your peace of mind is most important. Life is short - at least be at peace.

Come up with a couple of solutions on your own.
Close your eyes, relax and see if they work in your mind, how do they feel?
Then do one of them.
That's my take. :)
Best wishes.

[Unseeking Seeker]

In my view, we should get to a stage where we are able to accept that each person acts as of his consciousness as at this time. Whilst there is no need to trauma bond, perhaps an empathetic understanding may pave the way for our compassion to unfold. Look upon it as an opportunity, not as an obstacle.

Be at peace

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by Unseeking Seeker

In my view, we should get to a stage where we are able to accept that each person acts
as of his consciousness as at this time.
Whilst there is no need to trauma bond, perhaps an empathetic understanding may pave the way for our compassion to unfold.
Look upon it as an opportunity, not as an obstacle.

Be at peace

I agree.

I also think while accepting, 'that is where the person is at',
also, having compassion and understanding for whomever
and how and why they act a certain way -
this may be an opportunity to get a lot of clarity as to what it is you want in this life.
Do we choose to stay around a dumping area or do we decide to sell our house and
move next to a flower garden or stream?

[Unseeking Seeker]

Lotus beauteous blooms with joy in swamplands
Vibrant bliss throbs within wherever we stand

He sounds like a subtle control freak using blackmail to keep you chained to his life.
I agree with others above, you should move out. If you're giving him £100 + a week it should be affordable, depending where you live. Aside from London and the South East you should get a flatlet on £400 a month.

Enjoy your independence. Once you leave, give him a couple of weeks to cool down then make contact but beware any new blackmail. Keep your strength up.
.

[Guff779]

Thank you very much everyone for your comments and suggestions.

[Sethra]

Talking about and actually making the move out can be a hard cross-road on many factors weighing on the mind. In my own troubling circumstances I have decided silence will become my best policy. I had a slight out-burst last night, though every word hit home and the truth once heard could not become combated. I am not suggesting to do this. Though in my past when I had to make a hard move, a song came on the radio and it gave me wings of courage to set myself free from the cage I was held within.

Not that your situation involves a lover -song name -50 ways to leave your lover.

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free