Honestly thought I was over this shhhh

[MysticalShaman]

My tf journey began in 2013...summer of June 13 I saw the most beautiful human being in my life. They literally glowed to me and I was so drawn to them. I just put in off to strong attraction. But I do remember saying to my friend at that time...that’s my future husband, he’s literally me in man form. He’s so beautiful.

But I was too shy.

So I didn’t say anything to him.

And then I kept seeing him.
I went to a festival and saw him.

So after that I talked to him then next Ike I saw him.

And thing went well - we Hooked up.

But I regret that I kept it casual. I should have stayed from the start that I was interested in him as more than just a fling... but my naïveté won and I thought I could “win” his interest in me as a romantic partner and not just a fling.

It was a deception on my part that I didn’t realize what I was doing.

Anyway, things didn’t work out and I desperately wanted them too.

I felt so much towards him for such a long time and those feelings only got stronger.

I was changing too, and experiencing a lot of spiritual experiences that changed my life.

On the outside I looked like I was crazy to all who knew me. And I lost a lot of good friends in the process.

I regret that too.

But one night I went out to see him and on that night I was sexually assaulted and raped by a man I had never met before. This is the second time I have been raped in my life.

It sent me over the edge. I fell further into the rabbit hole and cling onto to the feelings I felt for my tf as they were the only positive thing I was experiencing at that time.

I got even more crazy and sucked into this world. And obsessing.

One night, I had a major wake up call. After the rape, I had blocked it out for about 8 months. This night everything came flooding back and I was able to start to deal with it and heal.

And I stopped.

And I stepped back.

I went to college and tried to focus on me.

I stopped trying to chase him, but I would still see him from time to time and it took everything in my to try to act normal or avoid him. Like it literally felt like trying to keep too magnets apart when I was around him.

I had to put these walls up to protect myself.

A year had gone by and we barely spoke or say each other but on Halloween one night he swept me up into the biggest hug just while I was walking down the street and left. That was it.

That’s the last interaction we have had. I have seen him a couple of times since then, but he hadn’t seen me.

I have no way of contacting him. No number, he doesn’t use social media, the bar we used to go to closed and his home was redeveloped into apartments so I literally have no idea where he is or what he’s doing. I wish him well...

But I moved country. And I have been trying to move on with my life. I had been doing pretty good. Hadn’t thought of this twin flame stuff in a few years. Got myself a partner who is an actual life partner and wants to build a life with me and loves me, in a way that is sustainable on earth. Yeno? It’s more real in the sense he’s my partner - and we have a great relationship. But I don get the overwhelming weird stuff I did with tf - it was just easy. We still met in a weird way. And we don’t have a shared “mission” - we are very much similar and opposites. But things are going well.

Until this week, when my tf’s name (first and second, his second name is rare ) kept coming up in my work. People I deal wth called his name. And then he starts showing up in my dreams. First dream he was taken aback in a conversation because I said “not like that” in a conversation with him referring to our relationship- I think I was saying “not casual”. Then in the other dreams he’s been chasing me?

Like I honestly thought I was over this tf stuff....

One thing that’s changed this week is I have been researching going back to school and I have thought of a really cool project I’d like to do for a masters that’s about teaching spiritual concepts and I’m going to apply. It could lead on to a phd. Which I feel like would be a huge achievement for me.

With tf I felt like we definitely had shared goals in that sense, or would have. But when we met, we were both hippie stoners. Now I don’t want anything to do with drugs. And I want a partner who can provide for me, who actually makes an effort in life for us, and wants to build a life together- which I have as well as someone I love....

I feel at peace with the idea that maybe me and TF are not together in this life. I feel like his spirit is my spiritual guide, and I know that we are connected throughout all of this.

But sometimes all these signs and dreams just hint at the unfairness of it all - if we’re supposed to be together then why couldn’t we work out? Why isn’t he in my life in some way? Why was it so painful?

And why come up and haunt me while I’m happy and moving on with my life? As like a reminder of what could be? Like *** Is that...?

If it helps, I feel like my partner has a tf in his life too, who he’s not with or never was but they remained friends.

I feel like if I had had that conversation with my tf at the start we’d have the same relationship my current partner does with his tf.

Me and my partner love each other too though. And my current partner is the one I feel safest and secure with. And I feel loved and there’s no doubts.

We can actually talk to each other when we have issues and we’re learning so much together. We are building a life of love together.

I can trust him to never hurt me.

I can’t trust my tf because on the soul level yeah - I have those deep feelings, but on the surface there’s just too much pain and insecurity.

I was happy being done with this idea for a while, these past few years.

But now I’m feeling pulled back....

Originally Posted by MysticalShaman

My tf journey began in 2013...summer of June 13 I saw the most beautiful human being in my life. They literally glowed to me and I was so drawn to them. I just put in off to strong attraction. But I do remember saying to my friend at that time...that’s my future husband, he’s literally me in man form. He’s so beautiful.

But I was too shy.

So I didn’t say anything to him.

And then I kept seeing him.
I went to a festival and saw him.

So after that I talked to him then next Ike I saw him.

And thing went well - we Hooked up.

But I regret that I kept it casual. I should have stayed from the start that I was interested in him as more than just a fling... but my naïveté won and I thought I could “win” his interest in me as a romantic partner and not just a fling.

It was a deception on my part that I didn’t realize what I was doing.

Anyway, things didn’t work out and I desperately wanted them too.

I felt so much towards him for such a long time and those feelings only got stronger.

I was changing too, and experiencing a lot of spiritual experiences that changed my life.

On the outside I looked like I was crazy to all who knew me. And I lost a lot of good friends in the process.

I regret that too.

But one night I went out to see him and on that night I was sexually assaulted and raped by a man I had never met before. This is the second time I have been raped in my life.

It sent me over the edge. I fell further into the rabbit hole and cling onto to the feelings I felt for my tf as they were the only positive thing I was experiencing at that time.

I got even more crazy and sucked into this world. And obsessing.

One night, I had a major wake up call. After the rape, I had blocked it out for about 8 months. This night everything came flooding back and I was able to start to deal with it and heal.

And I stopped.

And I stepped back.

I went to college and tried to focus on me.

I stopped trying to chase him, but I would still see him from time to time and it took everything in my to try to act normal or avoid him. Like it literally felt like trying to keep too magnets apart when I was around him.

I had to put these walls up to protect myself.

A year had gone by and we barely spoke or say each other but on Halloween one night he swept me up into the biggest hug just while I was walking down the street and left. That was it.

That’s the last interaction we have had. I have seen him a couple of times since then, but he hadn’t seen me.

I have no way of contacting him. No number, he doesn’t use social media, the bar we used to go to closed and his home was redeveloped into apartments so I literally have no idea where he is or what he’s doing. I wish him well...

But I moved country. And I have been trying to move on with my life. I had been doing pretty good. Hadn’t thought of this twin flame stuff in a few years. Got myself a partner who is an actual life partner and wants to build a life with me and loves me, in a way that is sustainable on earth. Yeno? It’s more real in the sense he’s my partner - and we have a great relationship. But I don get the overwhelming weird stuff I did with tf - it was just easy. We still met in a weird way. And we don’t have a shared “mission” - we are very much similar and opposites. But things are going well.

Until this week, when my tf’s name (first and second, his second name is rare ) kept coming up in my work. People I deal wth called his name. And then he starts showing up in my dreams. First dream he was taken aback in a conversation because I said “not like that” in a conversation with him referring to our relationship- I think I was saying “not casual”. Then in the other dreams he’s been chasing me?

Like I honestly thought I was over this tf stuff....

One thing that’s changed this week is I have been researching going back to school and I have thought of a really cool project I’d like to do for a masters that’s about teaching spiritual concepts and I’m going to apply. It could lead on to a phd. Which I feel like would be a huge achievement for me.

With tf I felt like we definitely had shared goals in that sense, or would have. But when we met, we were both hippie stoners. Now I don’t want anything to do with drugs. And I want a partner who can provide for me, who actually makes an effort in life for us, and wants to build a life together- which I have as well as someone I love....

I feel at peace with the idea that maybe me and TF are not together in this life. I feel like his spirit is my spiritual guide, and I know that we are connected throughout all of this.

But sometimes all these signs and dreams just hint at the unfairness of it all - if we’re supposed to be together then why couldn’t we work out? Why isn’t he in my life in some way? Why was it so painful?

And why come up and haunt me while I’m happy and moving on with my life? As like a reminder of what could be? Like *** Is that...?

If it helps, I feel like my partner has a tf in his life too, who he’s not with or never was but they remained friends.

I feel like if I had had that conversation with my tf at the start we’d have the same relationship my current partner does with his tf.

Me and my partner love each other too though. And my current partner is the one I feel safest and secure with. And I feel loved and there’s no doubts.

We can actually talk to each other when we have issues and we’re learning so much together. We are building a life of love together.

I can trust him to never hurt me.

I can’t trust my tf because on the soul level yeah - I have those deep feelings, but on the surface there’s just too much pain and insecurity.

I was happy being done with this idea for a while, these past few years.

But now I’m feeling pulled back....

really sorry for your horrific experiences and so strong of you to explain it here. Could you have a mental/telepathic connection with this ex "fling"/twin flame? try also to look back in time. were you rejected somewhere by someone at a time? a parent? someone else? sometimes we accept feeling more and doing more for someone else because we don't think we are worthy of more (even if dead wrong to think that).
I think we have many soulmates. Ask yourself - are you truly in love with this ex fling/twin flame or is it an old dream that did not amount to anything? Who are you in love with? Who do you love the most?
What kind of game is this ex fling/ twin flame playing with you? If he believed he is your twin flame I don't think he would be playing like that, do you?

I'm one of those who learn the hard way to change and to think one always has to watch ones relationship because it is constantly alive, it is not like ok, now we're together and will be that for the rest of our lives and he nor I will never ever be attracted to someone else. It does not work like that. People just don't talk about it. Somewhere, somehow you or him will be attracted to someone who too will be attracted to you or him even if you, him are in a relationship. It is not something that will happen every day but one day it will happen if it has not happen already, that does not mean one has to chase after it, it can just happen, and foremost one does not act on it, but for it to even happen can be a shock.

To be present in the current relationship and chose, every day chose - is he/she right for me? Can be small things to show it's us, a phone call during lunch hour, something little. To be present. See that person. Really see. I have had my problems in my relationship and when I began to think this way I felt better about it, to just be present. And all relationships goes through some difficult times. They, again just don't always talk about it. If we are present enough, see each other, really see each other - it will be more difficult for someone else to enter the picture.

Imagine this ex fling/twin flame instead of your current partner - would you really like to have him? Would you like him replaced? If the answer is no - that's your answer. But it is every day, every night based.

I think you can have a mental connection with him and if you do a quick cut it loose thing it will come back.

Could it also be that if you are happy in your current relationship and not use to being happy - that you going through something like this is because of fear? And maybe you don't think you deserve it because a part of you has been treated badly (and too by the twin flame by him not giving) and I don't even want to think about what the rape has done to you.

The only way to get rid of it is I think to get at the bottom of it, to it's root and then see what it is all about. It can be something in your childhood, for instance, it does not have to be about him at all, you'll figure it out. And then you can cut the ex "fling" loose, mentally, and it will work.

[MysticalShaman]

Originally Posted by asearcher

really sorry for your horrific experiences and so strong of you to explain it here. Could you have a mental/telepathic connection with this ex "fling"/twin flame? try also to look back in time. were you rejected somewhere by someone at a time? a parent? someone else? sometimes we accept feeling more and doing more for someone else because we don't think we are worthy of more (even if dead wrong to think that).
I think we have many soulmates. Ask yourself - are you truly in love with this ex fling/twin flame or is it an old dream that did not amount to anything? Who are you in love with? Who do you love the most?
What kind of game is this ex fling/ twin flame playing with you? If he believed he is your twin flame I don't think he would be playing like that, do you?

I'm one of those who learn the hard way to change and to think one always has to watch ones relationship because it is constantly alive, it is not like ok, now we're together and will be that for the rest of our lives and he nor I will never ever be attracted to someone else. It does not work like that. People just don't talk about it. Somewhere, somehow you or him will be attracted to someone who too will be attracted to you or him even if you, him are in a relationship. It is not something that will happen every day but one day it will happen if it has not happen already, that does not mean one has to chase after it, it can just happen, and foremost one does not act on it, but for it to even happen can be a shock.

To be present in the current relationship and chose, every day chose - is he/she right for me? Can be small things to show it's us, a phone call during lunch hour, something little. To be present. See that person. Really see. I have had my problems in my relationship and when I began to think this way I felt better about it, to just be present. And all relationships goes through some difficult times. They, again just don't always talk about it. If we are present enough, see each other, really see each other - it will be more difficult for someone else to enter the picture.

Imagine this ex fling/twin flame instead of your current partner - would you really like to have him? Would you like him replaced? If the answer is no - that's your answer. But it is every day, every night based.

I think you can have a mental connection with him and if you do a quick cut it loose thing it will come back.

Could it also be that if you are happy in your current relationship and not use to being happy - that you going through something like this is because of fear? And maybe you don't think you deserve it because a part of you has been treated badly (and too by the twin flame by him not giving) and I don't even want to think about what the rape has done to you.

The only way to get rid of it is I think to get at the bottom of it, to it's root and then see what it is all about. It can be something in your childhood, for instance, it does not have to be about him at all, you'll figure it out. And then you can cut the ex "fling" loose, mentally, and it will work.

Thank you so much for your comment!

That is the dose of reality I need!

I am thinking about it a lot. It’s nice to talk to someone who has also gone through some hard times with their SO.

My current partner does so much for me and I him.
I can trust him with my life. He is the most supportive partner I’ve ever had. He wants to support my future and build a life with me. We will talk openly if we have an issue and address it.

What I know of the person I perceive to be “my twin” is that when I knew him he was a stoner. And that’s how he made his living. No judgment but that doesn’t fit in with what I want or expect in my life anymore. And sure yeah, I had this connection with him - sober on my end - that I didn’t have with anyone else. But I don’t know him. As his life was, he would not be able to support me or help build the life I want. I haven’t seen him in years and I don’t really want to.

I think that’s the simplest answer I can get.

Maybe I just want closure from that part of my life.

But I’m not likely to get that with all these signs and stuff and the weirdness of our connection.

So I’ll take those signs and let them wash over me and be done.

Originally Posted by MysticalShaman

Thank you so much for your comment!

That is the dose of reality I need!

I am thinking about it a lot. It’s nice to talk to someone who has also gone through some hard times with their SO.

My current partner does so much for me and I him.
I can trust him with my life. He is the most supportive partner I’ve ever had. He wants to support my future and build a life with me. We will talk openly if we have an issue and address it.

What I know of the person I perceive to be “my twin” is that when I knew him he was a stoner. And that’s how he made his living. No judgment but that doesn’t fit in with what I want or expect in my life anymore. And sure yeah, I had this connection with him - sober on my end - that I didn’t have with anyone else. But I don’t know him. As his life was, he would not be able to support me or help build the life I want. I haven’t seen him in years and I don’t really want to.

I think that’s the simplest answer I can get.

Maybe I just want closure from that part of my life.

But I’m not likely to get that with all these signs and stuff and the weirdness of our connection.

So I’ll take those signs and let them wash over me and be done.

Glad you feel I could help :)

I have my own little theory of destinies and it is that well, we don't just have one, and sooner or later someone that is too a soulmate or/and twin flame will show up, regardless if you are in a relationship or not, and then it is just there to recognize, no more. Unless one decides one is no longer in love and will end that part of the relationship, of course.

Because I got so many, too proved, past life memories I can see past life soulmates in this current reincarnation I am in now, even if roles can be different, sometimes they really aren't because they all started out somewhere, the base/foundation is the same underneith the costumes.

I guess what I think is that your twin flame may very well naturally have been in your past life/lives as well and will continue to be in your future life/lives, but each situation is different, each life is and too how you feel and/or how that person feel is.

I believe we with our free will has the choice to chose our destiny and the choice can be made way before we actually think we made it and then embark on that road.

Why too so important to listen to that little voice inside of us if something feels wrong, then it feels wrong for a reason even if that reason is not obvious just yet.

I did not listen to mine, in my past life, and ended up later paying an expensive price for it. Then everyone else who had pushed me to make that choice put their hands in the air and go "I didn't do it!".

Guess I wish to say yes, listen to advice, but only your inner voice can tell you what road you should take. This from someone who learn that lesson too late, e hum...

I too have troube understanding why some of my soulmates has returned in my current reincarnation and I really don't know what to say about it. Does this just work automatically? Or is there some destiny with it? I guess I just have to go with it, acknoledge "I see you", and perhaps in the after life I will get an explaination. Some are with you for a period in your life and some are with you longer than that. And some can come in and out.

Is it possible that you were/are worried about him considering he is a stoner? Maybe you're an empath and easily feel responsibility for someone else's actions?(I have this problem...), if you are worried about someone it still does not have to mean you are in love with that person any more. Only you can tell : )

Or maybe just because he is a member of your soul group you are simply connected to him. Me, for instance, have years back when I visit a tourist place in Spain recognize a red house and was washed up with memories throughout our vacation there. ended up crying alone in the bathroom for my bofyriend not to see. Felt very much like science fiction, like 1 was 2 people but 1 at the same time, had no control of it, those flashbacks and the dreams and me just "knowing". In that recent life, there in Spain, in that house, I remembered having been with a childhood, teenage friend who in that period in our lives had gone from friendship to girlfriend,boyfriend and I remember how safe and in love I had been. he was a healer, something scandalizious in those days, and it got me in trouble with an ex husband, the daddy of my beloved kd. In this current reincarnation suddenly there he was again, that old healer. Even if no longer in love the foundation of friendship is there. I can feel how he feels before even coming to see him and I can tell his energy is wrong with just before he gets sick. I feel it before he does. which is crazy, I think. It does not mean I'm in love with him. I am the same way with some females in my soul group too, does not mean I am in love with them either, ha ha.

The top ten worse scenario I have had for years was the mental, telepathic connection I had with an ex evn if we both so long ago moved on with our lives. when it was at its strongest turn out he ws in a depression and using his intense part of his personality and doing spells on me for me to return (even if he dumped me, but hey, why keep it simple, right?). We had unfinished business. I had not told him some important things. He felt guilt that he had chosen the wrong road. For him that road meant success big time in his career, I was just happy I had a job and so we played different ball games already in our youths. There was one moment he was talking about what to name our future children if we were to have any and I said to him was he ready now to start a family (because I was) but he said no that was for the future, there were so much he wanted to do before and for us to do before, we were young.He said he wanted to go to the top (career) before (even if we could live well on the money we then had, we werent poor). I did not know it then but later his friends said that was the point he kept coming back to. That was when he thought I was changning and he wished now, looking back, he would just have said yes. I think he missed having a family, stability at that late part of his life but he had chosen his freedom, his career, the women he was attracted to and so on. I was surprised to hear this because it really wasn't a big deal to me, I could wait too and it was not the reason, well, it was not any reason, really. so I think he had regrets and imagined if we had lived together how different his life would have been, but he did maybe not consider that I would think there are more important things to life than getting to the top of some business, and that too much stress ain't good. I think he had to go where he had to go at the time and too he had to regret it too, if he truly felt he had changed from the within, his choice. Then he had been on that road he wanted to go on before. There was something perhaps unexpected to touch me during his funeral , I ended up somewhere in the end with a lady who work as a cleaner at his job, she was grieving him, like for real, said he was the best boss she'd ever had, always check on her, knew her kids names, would crack jokes, always show respect for her, she felt like she was his mom or something, and I thought to myself : this is your legacy (to him, the soulmate, ex up there), not those other cold fish big bosses standing over there, closer to the coffin, who will already have forgotten you tomorrow. THis woman, right here, the cleaner-lady, that was for real, now you got it - finally you got it. I would not be surprised if her children and her grandchildren will all know of him.

Your ex fling, stoner could be on a similar energtic level than you are and perhaps he has found his channels and thereby the signs you keep seeing? but it is good not to let it mess with your head too much - you know who you are in love with anyhow :)

[Aldous]

Before I woke up this morning I was dreaming and felt like I was having conversations with my twin almost. One thing I remember is the subject of marriage between me and her which she is still opposed to. I'm fine with that. I used to think about her all the time and couldn't stop thinking about her and would often imagine talking to her. In this form of her, she became an imaginary friend of mine. One time I tried using self hypnosis to get me to stop thinking of her and it didn't work. The self hypnosis worked for other things I didn't want to think about, but it didn't work with my twin. I just accepted it and tried to be at peace with it. Its more than a memory, its a form of telepathy. Over time it decreased in intensity, but was always there. I tended to think that me and my twin wouldn't ever be together in this lifetime. In 2002, I read about twin flames on the internet and went to The National Spiritual Science Center in Washington DC to see if I could get any insights from the psychic readings. One of them said she saw me reading a lot of information and "what you seek, seeks you" and also we can be together, but its up to me and if I do nothing it will just fade away. I felt a lot of anxiety at the time and didn't want to go through the trauma like I did before in 1978. I wrote a letter to my twin and got a reply 14 years later. I found out she was married at the time I sent the letter and she said she was divorced when I heard from her in 2016. We communicated by email a lot in 2016 and at the time I accepted the separation so I didn't worry too much. I haven't heard from her in a couple years. I'm curious about it because I'm interested in spiritualism. Contact with my twin seemed to cause me to remember things from before I was born including knowing her from before I was born, but not having any clear idea where or when that was. One time I felt I could remember that we're all sent here on some sort of mission from some magnificant place in the spirit world (Heaven?).

Another message from one of the millions of lesser prophets.

[july14]

Hello darling :) how are you?
A few days ago I did a meditation. At some point I was calling back my lost soul fragments. The one left with the guy I used to label TF, came out of his heart in the shape of a thorn. All these past 7 years I’ve cried and moaned plenty about my pain, but never once it occurred to me the weight, guilt or pain I may have put on him for not responding to my needs. As my friend advised to me, think of him for a moment and see what you can do to remove yourself. They need to heal too and as long as we send out a vibe of blaming, they cannot.
Lots of love to you

i think sometimes we decide to not be with our soulmates for a particular life time, to be with others in our soul group