Stuck Until I Clear The Past

[Michelle11]

So it appears I came into this life with the soul purpose of facing some past life karmic energy. I have had bouts of intense severe depression to the point of wanting to completely destroy myself. There is nothing in this life that would cause such a response in me. This tells me it has to be from my past. Plus there have been clear triggers I can see were put in my path by design to get me to crash into the depressions. As well I have had numerous dreams telling me this was planned. So I accept that this is what my soul wants. I want to clear it as well. I feel on the verge of liberating myself from a terrible dark cloud but I have struggled with the intensity of the emotions so much so I sometimes feel like giving up. After one particularly tough day emotionally I woke stating, "The problem with ghost lives is the intensity of them. You are dealing with some really strong emotions." So it seem obvious to me that this was my soul's main goal in being born this life. That same night I had a dream that I am unable to go to the right which is conscious reality until I traverse the emotional instability on the left, which is subconscious thought and repressed emotions. The problem is every time I try to do past life work I am told I am not ready. And so it seems I am blocked from clearing my blocks though I have made a little progress.

I have one life I am aware of from a dream where I saw a few guys sorting a photo wall. It looks like based on the amount of photos I have been a whole lot of people. Anyways, in the dream I was thinking of bartending but they guy said I shouldn't. He then held up a photo of a girl who was a drug addict and said this life is of significance. I realize that this dream was in response to my thoughts about having a drink to feel better which I had vowed early in my life to never do but it reflected that in one past life I did use drugs/alcohol to ease the pain and it didn't end well but I suspect that life isn't the starting point and was after the life that triggered the self destructive tendencies so I am still trying to get to that life so it can be cleared but I keep hitting walls. I don't know a lot about past life regression but it appears as though I must start to focus on it more and I am just wanting to hear people's thoughts and impressions on it. I know it is a process that must evolve in its own time but I am just beginning my journey into it and since it appears I have no choice in the matter if I want to progress in my soul journey I want to hear what others have done and experienced, what worked what didn't work, just to get an idea what I am getting myself into. I think mine may be a bit of a wild ride.

[desert rat]

There are some methods using yoga , deep breathing , white light , ect. The idea is to focus on that life with problems then use some of the different methods . You may alreddy know this , I post my responce more for thoes that just never join a forum .

Personally, I wouldn't specifically focus on 'past lives'. There's no such thing anyway (in my opinion), just one life, multiple incarnations.

Lets simplify. if you had a job that you hated, and it messed with your head, then you left and found another job that was ok, you wouldn't be in a new life. The last job was the same life. Dealing with the emotions from the past job would still be vitally important, but not because of the bad job, but because of now and the future.

Same in the grander scheme of things.

For me, meditation helps. Quite often something will eat away at us and we're not entirely sure why. Some rounds of deep meditation will help bust that right out into the open so that we can understand it, and then tackle it.

Example. Just before I became a dad, I went off the rails a fair bit. I became very hostile, cold and 'logical'. People told me it was just because I knew my life was about to change for ever, which it was of course, but that's not what was eating at me. I was really hostile, I mean ready to fight (physically) all the time. This was driven by some feeling that my family was under threat, and I was going to do everything in my power, nothing at all ruled out, to protect them. People told me this too was normal, but not to the extent that I felt it.

Lots of deep meditation followed, in which I was given a series of visions. They were quite symbolic and a little bit difficult to interpret at first. They always featured a pack of dogs, and one "person" always just a few yards away but not doing anything, but their eyes were just a band spanning 360 degrees around their head.

I realised what was going on. A stupid health care worker had told my wife that the state would decide if we would be fit to be parents, and that the child would be taken away if they decided, on a whim, that it was for the best. Of course we would make fit parents (now 2 healthy happy kids are testament to this), but I was worried, subconsciously, that someone was going to try to take away my chance to be a dad, and I was ready to fight fiercely to defend myself, my wife, and our unborn child.

The pack of dogs in my visions, I realised, represented that if it came down to it, I would not be alone in my fight. I had (and have) a large and close circle of friends and family who are all ready to ensure that any threat to me or my family will be met with resistance from more than just me. The figure with the 360 degree eyes, never interacting, but never far away, I think represented that any threat will be seen coming in plenty of time. It was only having been on several of these 'vision quests' that I suddenly realised two things. Firstly, that I was blowing the whole thing of proportion, and I could easily deal with one health care worker who stepped totally out of line, and didn't represent the state policy but was actually just a nasty jobsworth, and secondly that no matter happened, my wife and our unborn child would be fine, because they are part of a very formidable "pack".

I know my case isn't the same as your case. My point in sharing this story is just to highlight that the past is not what's important here. It is the present and the future that matters. You need to figure out what the problem is now, and tackle it head on.

Another way to look at it is like this. Imagine that in your childhood the school bully targeted you. That might affect you much later on, right into your adult life. You can look back on those days as much as you like, but it will change nothing. You don't have a time machine (I presume). Or you can challenge your thoughts and feelings about it now, and acknowledge that the bully was just a weak person, who was probably unhappy etc etc, and that if you met them now, yes you could probably give them some pay back, but there'd be no value in doing so etc.

So, have a deep look, and see what needs to be done now. If that search takes you into the past for info, then so be it, but don't make it *about* the past, make it about right now.

[Michelle11]

Originally Posted by desert rat

There are some methods using yoga , deep breathing , white light , ect. The idea is to focus on that life with problems then use some of the different methods . You may alreddy know this , I post my responce more for thoes that just never join a forum .

Actually besides having a past life regression CD I haven't done much so I don't know much about it. I really never thought much about pursuing past lives and struggled a little with the idea because I figured it was all just made up stuff in my head but my life kind of imploded and I have had a few dreams with snippets of my past lives but that is about it. So I am just looking for people's thoughts on it.

[Michelle11]

Originally Posted by Badger1777

Personally, I wouldn't specifically focus on 'past lives'. There's no such thing anyway (in my opinion), just one life, multiple incarnations.

Lets simplify. if you had a job that you hated, and it messed with your head, then you left and found another job that was ok, you wouldn't be in a new life. The last job was the same life. Dealing with the emotions from the past job would still be vitally important, but not because of the bad job, but because of now and the future.

Same in the grander scheme of things.

For me, meditation helps. Quite often something will eat away at us and we're not entirely sure why. Some rounds of deep meditation will help bust that right out into the open so that we can understand it, and then tackle it.

Example. Just before I became a dad, I went off the rails a fair bit. I became very hostile, cold and 'logical'. People told me it was just because I knew my life was about to change for ever, which it was of course, but that's not what was eating at me. I was really hostile, I mean ready to fight (physically) all the time. This was driven by some feeling that my family was under threat, and I was going to do everything in my power, nothing at all ruled out, to protect them. People told me this too was normal, but not to the extent that I felt it.

Lots of deep meditation followed, in which I was given a series of visions. They were quite symbolic and a little bit difficult to interpret at first. They always featured a pack of dogs, and one "person" always just a few yards away but not doing anything, but their eyes were just a band spanning 360 degrees around their head.

I realised what was going on. A stupid health care worker had told my wife that the state would decide if we would be fit to be parents, and that the child would be taken away if they decided, on a whim, that it was for the best. Of course we would make fit parents (now 2 healthy happy kids are testament to this), but I was worried, subconsciously, that someone was going to try to take away my chance to be a dad, and I was ready to fight fiercely to defend myself, my wife, and our unborn child.

The pack of dogs in my visions, I realised, represented that if it came down to it, I would not be alone in my fight. I had (and have) a large and close circle of friends and family who are all ready to ensure that any threat to me or my family will be met with resistance from more than just me. The figure with the 360 degree eyes, never interacting, but never far away, I think represented that any threat will be seen coming in plenty of time. It was only having been on several of these 'vision quests' that I suddenly realised two things. Firstly, that I was blowing the whole thing of proportion, and I could easily deal with one health care worker who stepped totally out of line, and didn't represent the state policy but was actually just a nasty jobsworth, and secondly that no matter happened, my wife and our unborn child would be fine, because they are part of a very formidable "pack".

I know my case isn't the same as your case. My point in sharing this story is just to highlight that the past is not what's important here. It is the present and the future that matters. You need to figure out what the problem is now, and tackle it head on.

Another way to look at it is like this. Imagine that in your childhood the school bully targeted you. That might affect you much later on, right into your adult life. You can look back on those days as much as you like, but it will change nothing. You don't have a time machine (I presume). Or you can challenge your thoughts and feelings about it now, and acknowledge that the bully was just a weak person, who was probably unhappy etc etc, and that if you met them now, yes you could probably give them some pay back, but there'd be no value in doing so etc.

So, have a deep look, and see what needs to be done now. If that search takes you into the past for info, then so be it, but don't make it *about* the past, make it about right now.

Yes, I get that but you had to see the root cause of your anger to be able to release it. Yours was a very recent situation with an immediate threat but in recognizing what that threat was you were finally able to release. Had you not seen the actual trigger point you may have never known why you were so angry and threatened. You would have just stayed angry and threatened. There is some out right rage for me like you felt but there is also a very intense desire to self destruct to the point of nonexistence in any form. There is absolutely nothing in my life to cause such self loathing. I actually plainly see that there were specific points/events in my life where I was to be triggered into the feelings as well I was directed in a number of dreams that this was planned for me to face the darkness inside. But the aftermath of those events was so out of proportion to the actual situation it was clearly unrelated at least that my perception of the situation. It truly feels like the situation were planted mainly to trigger the emotions. Granted I could just say release and be gone pain but it isn't working. I actually did that the first two times and the feelings just come back the next time I got triggered. I stopped long enough this last time to see what it was so I know what I am dealing with but just telling myself to love myself is not working. There is some sort of belief that there is some huge flaw in me that I cannot get past. I am sure it is out of proportion to why I made the perception about myself in the first place but sometimes we need to see the source event or situation to be able to have that clarity that there isn't something to fear or be upset about. That clarity for me likely resides in a past life. But you are correct in the whole scheme of things I don't need to know about my past to release it but not know is keeping me stuck in an honest to god belief that I am not worth anything. Well anyways, past life regression has been coming up for me so I thought it worth looking into but I'm not pinning my healing on it. If nothing comes of it I am sure I will figure it out some other way.

[froebellian]

I feel there is more than one issue to deal with so it may help to break them down and try to resolve one by one gradually.
As I said, you must face and confront the dark.
I know you have tried many things perhaps cutting the cord on a past situation and forgiving yourself?
I know the blocks are frustrating and we want to get rid of them as fast as we can ( I do) but in reality it will happen when it does.
Even when I have cut cords, it doesn't happen overnight..

[Michelle11]

Originally Posted by froebellian

I feel there is more than one issue to deal with so it may help to break them down and try to resolve one by one gradually.
As I said, you must face and confront the dark.
I know you have tried many things perhaps cutting the cord on a past situation and forgiving yourself?
I know the blocks are frustrating and we want to get rid of them as fast as we can ( I do) but in reality it will happen when it does.
Even when I have cut cords, it doesn't happen overnight..

Thanks Froebellian,

I made this post after I just had the dream that I was unable to move forward until this was fixed so it was a bit of a shock I guess. Not that I didn't know an issue needed to be resolved but just that the magnitude of it hit me that it was that much of an issue as to prevent me from doing anything else but focusing on this. I am now aware this was my main goal in this life so I guess it makes sense it would take time to figure out. I did have a dream just last night that was encouraging. I had a dream where I had to run up a really steep ramp with two really heavy fellows. Well I initially had my whole group trying to get up the ramp at the same time but it didn't work so we decided to break up into smaller groups. Most people turned back and went the other way because I assume it was too difficult to get up but by breaking off into smaller groups all of my group made it up the ramp so I think I will get it. That made me feel a little better about myself. So I think the dream is saying what you have said, I should just try to focus on smaller chunks. I guess I do have a tendency to want to get it all figured out right now but I don't think expect to get all my past life all at once. I suspect it would come in bits but just wondering what others did to achieve their past life information. So far I have only gotten a little bit through dreams and I plan to continue to use my dreams for clarity to get me through but I just didn't know what else was out there for past life regression. Ultimately though it almost seems like the way to confront the dark is by looking at the past where the darkness was born. I could be wrong. I am stronger at handling the dark moods then I was not that long ago but not really sure how else to clear it. If it doesn't happen that way though I would be just as happy. If I clear it out without ever having knowledge of a past life it will not be a problem. Thanks for your thoughts and I appreciate the reading from before. It was really helpful.

[froebellian]

Just sent you a PM, not sure if you have tried the akashic records, but sometimes it is the timing too. When you are ready to ask!

[Michelle11]

Thanks Froebellian. I Pm'd you back.

[sea-dove]

Originally Posted by Michelle11

and was after the life that triggered the self destructive tendencies so I am still trying to get to that life so it can be cleared but I keep hitting walls.

Past lives will come up for clearing when its time, you cant really rush this stuff, there seems to be right and wrong times for it. A spiritual healer who works on clearing past lives would be the best to see if you really think your dream was over a past life.

You do not even have to remember a past life to have it cleared. The denser energies around it etc can be pull out and removed. Thou many people do remember past lives when healer is working on them in this manner.

I suggest to put more focus on spiritual things rather then trying to gain past life memories by past life regression (even if you did remember a past life clearly, that doesnt necessarily mean that person will be able to clear the energy of it. Some people have ended up quite messed up by getting past life memories before they were truely ready for them.

best wishes