True/future dream: Should I stay or should I go now?

A while back I had this dream that I was going to an event. There was some trouble in the car as my heels of one of my shoes broke or something of the sort, my friend who was at first waiting came to the car (then parked, we had gotten there), then ran back and forth to a home and came out with shoes for me to borrow, but they did not fit. They were made of glas (Like cinderella, LOL). It was to be in the house, made of wood, that the event would be at and it was so big that many guests could fill it up. I was in the car with some girlfriends.

Then I i saw on a bridge nearby the house a boat attached to it on a lake, close by my childs dad sitting there posing with children and someone taking photos of them laughing and smiling. They did not see me. He was holding his arms around children.

I felt the same alone feeling I have always felt with him when in company of others. I woke up with this strong genuine grief of it. I had somewhat forgotten about it.

After this dream I have been told by my friend that there will be an event, lots of people, and water nearby. I could never have quessed any of it. My child dont like to be on boats but was having a good time on one with the dad in the dream that is. We, me and him, were apart like we used to be anyhow in the dream so nobody would be able to tell a difference if we were still a couple or not. I wouldn't be able to tell a difference either because of how disconnected we used to be.

He would say while in therapy that it wasn't just him - he had noted how I was shut off as well. All of that began one evening long ago, when in the company of his family and friends, he took me to a corner of a restaurant and told me he did not want me to show physical tenderness to him. The reason given was that he did not see anyone else doing it to their partner. That that would show off "our happiness". I had been told before by him that "we are not close" the way he felt I was with my family.

I was to understand that they were not comfertable displaying any physical tenderness. That included if one was to hug if and when to see and to part. "We don't hug", they would say.

Because of his rejection of me that evening I vowed to never touch him again in company of others. I said he was welcomed to do so with me when and if he now found that OK, but I came to even regret saying that because if and when he did I thought it was just fake (even if he said it wasn't and I would tell him to lay it off as I knew he did not deep down really want to and that I was over it.).

It would never feel the same as it had felt before, before he told me I was forbidden to touch him that evening and when he did not touch me, those hours at the restaurant with his family and his friends (and I was far away from home, not in control, did not have the car keys so I could just leave - and I wanted to just leave him and the restaurant so badly that evening, but I had to compose myself).

I remember taking off the shoe, made of glas, and the ground was made of brown gravel where the car was parked, and I said no, I can't do this and I couldn't walk with those on. They were very uncomfertable.

Is this a true/future dream?

[Deeprem]

Just some thoughts on this dream. The dream reflects your current state of mind regarding your aloneness and your partner. And like any
internal pattern of mind, it will play out in the external world.. the real issue is your aloneness and sense of separation. People go into relationship to try to alleviate this feeling. It usually never works. Your partner reflected this when he said he didn't want affectionate hugs in public. You took this as rejection but you wanted the hugs so you could appear "normal " to others in public. Both of you fear what others will think of ye. So your partner is reflecting yourself in some way. The shoe symbolises your understanding of life. Yours breaks i.e. not sure what to do. Your friend lends you her glass shoe (glass symbolises crystallized thought pattern ) however this doesn't sit with you. Maybe you need to reflect and come to a new understanding yourself. The dream implies that you are happy or have arrived when you are with your girlfriends. Maybe friendship is the answer to your aloneness. Your partner and lots of children and a house full of guests won't solve the issue. Hope this helps..

Yes, Deeprem, that does help. Thank you very much. Lots of good points that I think is accurate.

You are absolutely right - that that evening in particular - I did very much care about what the others thought of me, as I wanted to be approved of because I loved him so much back then (and for them to not think he should be with someone else), so yes, spot on. That evening I did care.

Yes, I felt the rejection when being told "We dont hug" another time. Here I thought families and couples should have no difficulty showing mental and physical signs of tenderness, but I was in for a surprise. But before he would tell me that he and his first family are not close the way he thought I was with mine and with my girlfriends. That was all he said about it.

I think one must feel vulnerable, and dare to be vulnerable to allow to feel and to give love - and so he closed that channel that evening. He was becoming "one of them" and I had not been prepared for that. I was still a newcomer.

I've been shut down ever since in his company around others when we were a couple, even if he broke his old ways, and would at times insist to hold my hand. When I would object he would go "No, I really want to. Let me just hold your hand".

We had this stupid rule between us that I (can't blame him there) had come up with. It was that when he know felt it was appropriate and wanted to then he was welcomed to touch me in some way around others but that I made it clear to him I would never touch him again around others.

Kind of childish now I realize when reading through these words. Hum...I mean, childish of me.


Again, thank you so much and about the rest too. You are really good at this. Sorry for all the complaints.

[lostsoul13]

The slipper represents your dream relationship with the self- and your ideas and morals-

Thank you so lostsoul13 , yes could very well be - and me not being able to connect that with him or his family and friends before. This is such old stuff I thought was burried and gone with so when I felt the grief of it - that was something. Then maybe good to feel something again - instead of just feeilng numbed and to not dare or feel like giving (as I would always think me showing physical signs of tenderness was my way of giving)
God, I sound bitter... Guess I am in the phase to feel anger in the process, LOL. Before just grief. And here's comes the anger. Perhaps anything is better than the numbness - knowing I will move forward, shoe or no shoe on, LOL.

[Deeprem]

Thanks for the feedback. It's great your so open and honest. and agree that vulnerability is essential to a loving relationship. Thanks again.