How do you talk to your friends about your TF?

[scoobawater]

Many days, especially when I'm filled with love or when I'm deep in despair I want to share this with my closest friends, but I know they won't understand. They will be supportive, of course. And will listen. But from experience I know they will tell me I should leave the situation alone, that I am wasting my time, that I deserve better (TF has been in a relationship long before we met, it is an open, long distance relationship). They aren't spiritual in the very least and even if they tell me, "Go for it if it makes you happy" I do feel like they judge me (i.e. I am trying to steal someone else's boyfriend) and are just waiting for this whole thing to blow up in my face. Trust, I know they love me, but they know I won't stop doing something just because they think I should.

It makes me sad knowing that I don't share my feelings on how much real love I feel for my TF. And feel so alone when I'm sad about my TF.

How do you guys cope without others judging or telling you to just "move on"?

[Jatd]

This part is SO hard, NOONE understands. People think I am crazy, so i just don't talk about it. Which is why I am here, on this forum.

Yes I'm lucky to have 1 friend who knows me well enough to know this is right outside my normal behavior so she doesn't object too much - she still throws the odd comment in but hey I probably need to hear them sometimes too lol

Find someone on here you resonate with and PM them - this helps too

[Element 5]

I can really only talk to my sister about it. And she's preoccupied with her own experiences. I've tried to mention it to my mom and the second she called my twin a crush I shut down completely. I was offended, but realized that she just isn't going to understand...it's not her fault. It is hard to want to share little miracles with people you care about, knowing you can't.

[Element 5]

Originally Posted by Loving_Soul

Find someone on here you resonate with and PM them - this helps too

This is the best advice. Find people who WILL understand and share your experiences.

[Quest]

For some reason, most of my friends and family have just been quiet since I usually open up and don't leave out any details. They trust that when I tell them why my TF left and that he still loves me and suffers just as much as I do, this is the truth. They don't want me to get hurt, and I see their behaviour as the best they can do at this time, whatever it is they are doing. One friend actually said I guess he moved away now, so it wasn't meant to be and he obviously didn't love you. It's when I get comments like that I notice that some people really don't get it, and I just leave them be. This friend is actually one that I won't have around much anymore since she is on a totally different path than me, buying the biggest, most luxurious home, not willing to share her horse with others cause it's "hers" and hers alone, etc. I just don't function like that anymore, in fact some days I feel like moving into a little yurt with just a bed and something to cook on! I'd love to experience that, no luxury, just myself, maybe some books, and peace and quiet so I can truly listen within.

Anyways, don't expect everyone to understand it, and forgive those that don't. People have preconceived ideas and it's hard to change. My parents have blown my mind as to how far they have come in understanding my Tf, from being completely over the top angry at him for leaving, to now accepting it and seeing why he did it and that it was the best for me too, even though they spent sleepless nights worrying about me.

It's sometimes the people you least expect it from who understand at a deep level, while others are just not on the same wavelength. But that's ok. Forgive them, love them anyways, and know that you are ok within yourself. We don't need to be understood by everyone! It's enough if we ourselves understand, and even that isn't always necessary either. If you can accept what's happening, it's all you really need.

So if someone judges you, send them love and forgiveness. That's how you heal yourself, and ultimately the planet. I have come to realize how important it is for me to speak the truth, so I have shared with a lot of people that I had an "affair". I don't care anymore if they judge me or not, if they do, I send them even more love than I would have otherwise. But it really doesn't affect me anymore since I don't depend on anyone's approval.

Wow, I'm sometimes speechless that I have come this far, the little "grey mouse" in the corner who never dared to speak... I now stand up for myself and have an inner strength that I never thought I could find before!

And yes, PMing members on this forum has helped me a huge deal! It's wonderful to be able to talk to people who understand what we are going through, and you bet the majority of people here will get it ; )

[scoobawater]

Much much love to all those who have responded so far. I myself still have to shed many ideologies of traditional relationships and still struggle with ego so I know it must be that much more difficult for others who have never experienced such a deep connection. I love that I finally have a place to talk to others and hear about their stories - this forum!

To my face too face friends, I just don't talk. At all. I have one friend who knows what I think but it was very easy to share that with her because she is interested about spiritual stuff as well. But even with her I don't really talk about it. She has other things in her life. Luckily I have found nice people from here to talk to!

[EricDraven]

Originally Posted by Quest

I'd love to experience that, no luxury, just myself, maybe some books, and peace and quiet so I can truly listen within.

Yes yes yes!

I have nobody in my "real" life who understands, so I have basically given up trying to explain it.
All my friends have doubts about my TF, whereas I have none. They can't seem to understand how different the dynamic of a TF relationship is, compared to "regular" love or romantic relationships. While my relationship with my TF is very much a romantic one, it is also one of growth and self-realization - which I know is needed by both myself and my TF!
Actually my TF has said it to me himself, comments like "we're not like other people", or "they're not like us". While he doesn't believe in the concepts of soulmates, etc ( ) he does realize and acknowledge that our relationship is different.
And, as others have already mentioned....having other people's approval or understanding really isn't necessary