what are men attracted to in women

[John32241]

Originally Posted by Lostgirl

My boyfriend is basically 'if she has a pretty smile thats all that matters'....i think theres more to it than that but thats what he likes.

Alot of you guys on here are saying how you like confident women but alot of guys ive come across are intimidated by myself. I am a strong, confident young lady. I know my self, im sure of myself and i have my own opions and am not afraid to express them. Im sure of myself in who i am and sexually and im not afraid to express either. However when some men meet me im sure they are intimidated or is that all part of it?!

You are all bvery confusing.

On some days I have been intimidated by more than one woman. That is OK with me, it goes with the territory.

There is one thing that I have discovered about life, and that is that our opinions are biased. We are all conditioned to think and feel in particular ways. Being a strong confident young lady is good. Knowing yourself is essential. That provides a good base for expanding you views of reality.

It is funny but the first thing that I noticed about you was your screen name. Could it be that you are wise enough to learn more about life?

Sincerely,
John

[SeaZen]

Originally Posted by LightFilledHeart

She said if you want a man to disappear from your life and never bother you again, don't tell him straight up to do so... that will only present a challenge, and he'll NEVER leave! The quickest way to get a man out of your life, according to her, is to say the following..."I want to marry you and have your children!" She says they will be out of there so fast they'll leave skid marks on your driveway!!!

...But in the early part of a budding relationship, strong protestations of love from the woman DO seem to scare a man off.... even though they've been in hot pursuit and seeming to WANT them! ]Maybe she's right to a degree when she says from the male perspective it's all about the challenge.

ROFL!! Your friend is right about that and has a great trick up her sleeve to get rid of guys she is not interested in. However, you are confusing strong protestations of love with strong requests of committment. BIG DIFFERENCE! Therefore the challenge analogy doesn't really hold water though Im sure it is about the challenge for some guys.

[SeaZen]

Originally Posted by Lostgirl

Alot of you guys on here are saying how you like confident women but alot of guys ive come across are intimidated by myself. I am a strong, confident young lady. I know my self, im sure of myself and i have my own opions and am not afraid to express them. Im sure of myself in who i am and sexually and im not afraid to express either. However when some men meet me im sure they are intimidated or is that all part of it?!

You are all bvery confusing.

Whats your phone number lost girl? Lets talk! Just kidding!

You make some valid points. There will always be some guys out there who like the "old fashioned" submissive, cocquettish girl, and there are some meek, shy guys who may be genuinely intimidated but rest assured, there are alot of evolved guys out there who would jump at the chance to meet a girl like you! As far as your personality and essence is concerned, stay as you are lost girl (you dont sound lost to me at all). However, when it comes to the bedroom, you may wish to experiment with all the variety of feelings that are available to us e.g. making tender sweet love, being the ravisher or the ravishee etc. etc.

[SeaZen]

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

LOL...SeaZen & Kapitan...I read your deepest wishes....LOL...Kapitan's sounds a bit easier to fulfill...I jest. In all seriousness...and I grant that I of course do not speak for every woman...I will tell you right now that for me...

The only way I can be these things...[you have to be the tigress...faking it is pretty cheesy]...is with the man I love, heart and soul. With anyone else 1) nothing is happening...not interested and 2) couldn't fake it if I wanted to, which I don't.

So, if you want a woman to be & do these things for you, LOL...IMO you need to be the other half of her soul. In which case she would go to the ends of the earth and be the tigress on at least a regular basis, and would be at least passionate & loving the rest of the time.

Cheers!
7L

7L you hit the nail on the head! Thank you very much for your response. I agree with you and believe every word you said wholeheartedly about the tigress dynamic. We need to have these types of discussions.

The number one way most guys like for women to lovingly communicate and reach out to us is sexually. It doesnt have to always be intercourse. It can be as simple as a loving embrace and massage with your hand on a certain body part as you tell us how much you love make us happy this way etc. etc.

Women on the other hand find it very fullfilling and important for guys to reach out and connect, love and meld with a womans soul as you describe and I dont think guys have a problem with this or object to it. On the contrary, us guys find this very personally satisying and soulfully fullfilling to please and connect with a woman in this way. But ladies, dont forget to reach out to us the way we prefer!

The ying and the yang! You gotta love it!

I said something similar to this before on another thread that became controversial in the past, but if men were to reach out and connect to a womans soul as you describe and a woman were to reach out and appeal to a mans physical sexuality the so called "battle of sexes" would be thankfully over. This is especially important in the beginning of a relationship to establish a good base of mutual fullfillment and enlightenment. We would be so busy pleasing one another that we wouldnt be able to think of anything else! Now wouldnt that be absolute bliss!

Of course women also like to be reached out to sexually and men like to also be reached out to soulfully but I think its safe to say that if we primarily appealed to each other as the way I illustrated above things would be hot!

Now back to the tigress thing, the only other instances I can picture a tigress type of situation other than the one you described above is a rock star - groupie dynamic or a something between 18-20 year olds whose hormones, longing, desire and sense of experimentation are raging.

Originally Posted by SeaZen

Hello White Wolf!

Actually, I like being seduced more than occasionally, I just said that to ease you women into the idea . I cant answer the first question as I dont behave in that manner and cannot understand why a guy would act that way so I will leave it to someone else. I will however try to tackle the second one.

Im not sure I understand the context of your second question, but I will assume that this is a person you are trying to meet and/or recently met and are trying to have a relationship with. In other words, this is not a boyfriend you are already having sex with as that was the context of my earlier response though I also do love getting seduced as you described. BTW, this is the question posed in most womens magazines as well so you are not alone in your confusion about this. Let me give you my take on what is happening.

First of all, let me explain to you the nature of guys. We are visually and sexually stimulated when we first see a desirable woman. In other words our first thought and impulse when we first see a woman we desire is "wow, it would be great to have sex with her!". So we go with it that impulse and chat her up.

As the evening moves forward we come down to earth from our base impulse and realize, hey, this is about more than just the sex, she wants a relationship as well so we then try to determine if this is someone we want for more than just sex i.e. a relationship. There are 2 possible answers to this

1) "Yes we would love to have sex with you but no we do not wish to pursue a relationship with you".
2) "Yes we would love to have sex with you AND pursue a relationship with you"

Number one is clearly a mixed signal that contributes to confusion. It looks as if you may fall into the first category with this particular individual White Wolf. If it is your intent to only have sex without the strings of a subsequent relationship with this guy, you should make this very verbally clear to him in which case Im sure he will respond positively.

Guys have thankfully evolved and we do not wish to act on our base sexual impulse with someone who clearly wants more just to drop them and move on after we had our taste of sugar and leave her devastated. That was how guys acted in the distant past thank God.

Do not let this discourage you from actively pursuing and seducing guys! Women reject us all the time for whatever reason at whatever stage in the seduction process and Im sure many of you have done some rejecting in the past. Its tough on us as well when we get rejected but we learned from an early age to bounce back and move forward. Im sure every guy remembers the extreme pain we felt when asking a girl to dance at age 14 at the school dance just to get rejected.

Godessess, welcome to our world! Its all part of the dance. Some may respond favorably at first and not want to follow through, some may follow through. Now you know what its like when the shoe is on the other foot . The trick is not to invest too much emotion in a guy you just met and to never ever judge yourself as unworthy if you get rejected.

Hello SeaZen,

Thank you for taking the time to write such a detailed response. Now I just have to work out how to answer without getting moderated for a X-rated post. LOL

The relationship - for want of a better word - is new, from a certain perspective. (We're not lovers yet ... unless extremely, um, hot emails and phone calls count.)

Re: seduction. I'm an extremely "affectionate" woman, so within a committed relationship, I enjoy dressing up in lingerie and I do tend to seduce my man quite frequently. (My ex never once complained about that side of my personality.) TMI? Sorry. However, I have never had the confidence to pursue a man...

Without revealing too much of my friend's private business, he went through a really ugly divorce, then quickly fell into another relationship with a woman who didn't understand the concept of monogamy. Then he met me - and I am ridiculously faithful. (In practical terms, that means that I won't date anyone else even though my friend and I are not actually lovers, yet.) We've both been hurt badly before and have so many walls around ourselves it's pathetic.

BTW, SeaZen, the topic of a one-night-romance was raised a few months ago, and he said he definitely didn't want that with me - hence my confusion. He told me he loves me, and he's shown me he wants me, and frankly I can be not so nice at times, yet he keeps hanging in there ... so I'm just trying to understand how to get to the next "level".

White Wolf



Edited by SF Staff

Originally Posted by LightFilledHeart

I have a girlfriend who plays by "The Rules". She insists it is the only way to "get a man"..! [Personally I'd rather not HAVE one if I can't attract him simply by being myself, primarily because I don't want to be someone I'm NOT for the rest of my life..!] I don't put much store in her opinions on this subject, but she did say something once that made me laugh and had a ring of truth to it. She said if you want a man to disappear from your life and never bother you again, don't tell him straight up to do so... that will only present a challenge, and he'll NEVER leave! The quickest way to get a man out of your life, according to her, is to say the following..."I want to marry you and have your children!" She says they will be out of there so fast they'll leave skid marks on your driveway!!!

Of course I realize this adage does not apply to all men...I'm not so silly or shallow as to believe there are no men seeking love, marriage and family! But in the early part of a budding relationship, strong protestations of love from the woman DO seem to scare a man off.... even though they've been in hot pursuit and seeming to WANT them! Maybe she's right to a degree when she says from the male perspective it's all about the challenge. Remove that completely from the page prematurely and POOF! He'll be gone.

[I know you were asking your questions of men, White Wolf, so I hope you'll forgive me for jumping in with my two cents..! ]

LightFilledHeart

I appreciate anyone's opinion. Even if I don't agree with it, I'll still think it through.

I absolutely LOATHE those rules / games / whatever some women play. (Maybe I'm lazy, or inept at being a woman, or something...) Generally, I attract alpha-male types [make of that what you will] so they do the chasing anyway. That's why this one-step-forward-one-step-back thing is so confusing.

BTW, I mentioned marriage to him - thinking he'd head for the hills and save me from the horrible break-up process - but he didn't budge an inch.

I've never met anyone quite like him before - in both a positive and negative sense. In so many ways, he's amazing, warm, adorable, you get the idea - but when he's hurt, he clams up more than I do. (If isolation was an Olympic sport, I'd win gold for Australia...)

White Wolf

Originally Posted by Kapitan_Prien

In relation to the first question - from my view, as a guy, I would have to say the annoyance would come from the answer taking so long. The disbelief would be related to that. Perhaps there is a certain 'directness' with most men. I realize that I'm the exception to the rule on many things - if a woman were attracted to me in all ways - I would want her to say so. This is because I don't like this 'emotional dilly-dallying'. When things are put out, it clears the air - and that's what I like. Then I know where she stands, and then I can give her an honest answer where I stand. I have emotions - but I'm not 'emotional'.

As for the second question - unfortunately I have had bad experiences with women (online) who would 'seduce' me and I would wind up getting really hurt. So - I don't really 'do' this seduction thing, and this is why I like things to be 'up front' and 'open'.

I do not wish to marry or to have kids either.

I'm no 'landsman' - I do not have the 'disposition' of a 'landsman'. I'm an 'old school' sailor. My frankness has often been a put off to many because I don't 'play the game' (which I think is stupid to begin with).

Kapitan_Prien,

Thank you for your response.

The first time he asked me if I was in love with him, I actually wasn't, so I evaded the question. The second time he asked, I evaded, too. By the third time, I had fallen for him - but I've never been the first one to speak of love in a relationship before, so I didn't handle it well.

White Wolf

Originally Posted by John32241

Hello White Wolf,

You do ask some very good questions.

I am not sure that you can appreciate how much most men are afraid to place their trust in a woman. Naturally most guys will go to their grave in denial. Yet in my view, the evidence says otherwise.

Now the question is, how does a girl deal with such a thing, if it is true naturally. So here are a few things to consider, as I see it.

When a girl is angry with a guy, she does need to express her degree of her frustration without frightening him. Easier said than done for sure, for it does require some composure.

For question (1), the thought that comes to the guy is why? His logical mind will create all kinds of reasons that can trouble him quite a bit. So if you reach a point where you speak of your love for a guy, explain to him authentically those things about him that touch you the most.

For question (2), understand how question one will influence his feelings. What is the ladies motivation or reason for saying that She Loves him? Why does he have such a hard time with trust? For every guy, there is a list of reasons that all go back to his fears and concerns about a woman's true motivations.

It is not really unconditional love that a guy requires. It is an open and honest exchange of authentic thoughts and feelings. Something that does not happen all that often in our culture at this time, as I see it naturally.

There are some deep insights in that material that I posted from Kryon. If you are inclined to ignore them, then there is little that I can say that would help anyone.

John

Hello John,

Thanks for responding, and I apologise for paraphrasing your words about love.

As I mentioned in a previous response, my man has been hurt badly in two successive relationships, and I think I'm getting the fallout from that. And I did try to tell him what it is about him that touches me so deeply, and he said they were the most beautiful words he'd ever read. (I'm a writer by trade, so I express myself better that way than by verbalizing my thoughts.)

White Wolf

You're Welcome White Wolf *smile*

[SeaZen]

Originally Posted by White Wolf

Hello SeaZen,
Thank you for taking the time to write such a detailed response. Now I just have to work out how to answer without getting moderated for a X-rated post. LOL

Re: seduction. I'm an extremely "affectionate" woman, so within a committed relationship, I enjoy dressing up in lingerie and I do tend to seduce my man quite frequently. (My ex never once complained about that side of my personality.) TMI? Sorry. However, I have never had the confidence to pursue a man...

I am very happy to hear how affectionate and seductive you are and I hope that whatever man you are with appeals to and satisfies your innermost soulful needs and desires.

TMI?? Are you kidding me? Dont worry about it WW! We need to be honest and open about these things just like anything else. It looks like you have been edited anyway which I cant understand because how will we grow and evolve sexually if we cant talk about it. I can understand editing vivid sexual storytelling but when discussing our questions and concerns thats a whole other matter. Anyway thats the subject of another post. I think I have enough to work with here to answer you though.

The relationship - for want of a better word - is new, from a certain perspective. (We're not lovers yet ... unless extremely, um, hot emails and phone calls count.)

Without revealing too much of my friend's private business, he went through a really ugly divorce, then quickly fell into another relationship with a woman who didn't understand the concept of monogamy. Then he met me - and I am ridiculously faithful. (In practical terms, that means that I won't date anyone else even though my friend and I are not actually lovers, yet.) We've both been hurt badly before and have so many walls around ourselves it's pathetic.

BTW, SeaZen, the topic of a one-night-romance was raised a few months ago, and he said he definitely didn't want that with me - hence my confusion. He told me he loves me, and he's shown me he wants me, and frankly I can be not so nice at times, yet he keeps hanging in there ... so I'm just trying to understand how to get to the next "level".
White Wolf
Edited by SF Staff

From what I just read it sounds like your male friend has been through some very, very rough relationship times. When this happens to a guy the last thing he wants is to enter another relationship right away. He needs time to heal and clear himself of the negativity of the past relationships before starting a new relationship.

Now, given that, we still have that strong male sex drive we need to deal with which puts us between a rock and hard place (pun intended). How do we deal with our sex drive when we dont want to enter a relationship quite yet? Quite the dilemna! Your male friend is obviously dealing with it via the hot emails and phone calls with you.

What throws a monkey wrench into all of this is the one night romance discussion. You would think that he would jump at the chance for this but he doesnt. There are several possibilities here:

1) If he follows through with the one night romance, he may not trust himself and would want to do so again and again which would constitute starting a relationship which is something he is not ready for. Sex is a very powerful magnet for guys.

2) He may want to wait until the time is right and he is clear of the negativity of the past relationships so that he can start fresh and make that first moment with you special and enduring.

3) all of the above (I think its all of the above)

As far as taking it to the next level, I would mention to him that you understand he is healing and clearing himself of the past negative relationships and that he needs time for that and ask him how long will he need to heal and if there is anything you can do to help. Of course ease this into the conversation and say this as diplomatically and undemanding as possible. This should start a discussion that should answer your questions. I hope this helps WW! Let me know if you have any more questions or concerns.

I wish you well dear! Hang in there!

SeaZen