Why Help Others?

[Gem]

Originally Posted by Louisa

I like to help people because I feel like it keeps my feeling of love and understanding of interconnection alive, which helps satisfy social needs for connection and feeling like I am a part in the social web of humanity and life on earth. Helping people makes me feel the connection, whereas just thinking and talking about it can leave me feeling cold and wondering if I'm really that connected. When I actually help people, then I don't doubt it- I feel our common humanity and the love that I have for others.

But I don't always feel the love, when I try to help others, and I don't have to, and I shouldn't try to feel it if I don't feel it. Nor should I help people unless they want the help and are benefiting from it. I also know that I can't help everyone - I need to help those who I really relate to and feel drawn towards giving to from a sincere level of empathy - so I relate to those who I understand, who are similar to me, who I have a real relationship with, etc. It's not all just unconditional, and nothing in this conditional world is unconditional, I think.

I appreciate this thread, because it has helped me kind of see where sometimes I have a bit of a martyr complex. I thought there was nothing wrong with martyring myself for a higher cause, but I see that I was wasting my energy. What's worse was that I had egoic validation reasons to want to help others, even though I didn't think that was the case.

So removing another layer of the ego, now I can see how I can help people from a more authentic angle.

It's best to have awareness of own needs wants beliefs and personal
values, and not be in denial of them under a guise of spiritual correctness, because that's how to prevent imposing own issues, standatrds, beliefs and wants on the people we help.

Thanks for the insightful post.

[relinquish]

Originally Posted by Gem

I guess if ones self reflect then the reasons that motivate them are more apparent, some members have posted more detail.

There are many cases where another person is dependant and has needs, helping doesn't feel pleasurable all the time at all, sometimes it's almost too much to bear, so help is inspired by more than feelgood sensations.

Good point. I didn't think of that. In that case, rather than a feelgood sensation being the motive, there would be a perceived necessity in it's place.

We all have things we 'know' we need to do. Some of those things may be considered by most to be quite undesireable. Of these things, one personality might say, "I know I need to do this, but I really don't want to, so I won't.". Another personality might say, "I really don't want to do this, but I know I need to, so I will.".

It comes down to the conditioning, and no one ever created their own conditioning.

[Gem]

Originally Posted by relinquish

Good point. I didn't think of that. In that case, rather than a feelgood sensation being the motive, there would be a perceived necessity in it's place.

We all have things we 'know' we need to do. Some of those things may be considered by most to be quite undesireable. Of these things, one personality might say, "I know I need to do this, but I really don't want to, so I won't.". Another personality might say, "I really don't want to do this, but I know I need to, so I will.".

It comes down to the conditioning, and no one ever created their own conditioning.

It's being aware of whatever conditioning we have, because it's not the same as another's, and we really don't want to impose our own on other people. That's why self reflection is important. There aren't any external reasons in this subject because people have different needs and are also conditioned differently... I think we have to be sensitive to that.