Whatcha thinkin' about ?

[FallingLeaves]

I'm thinking i can't imagine life without cheese!

[A.B.Hope]

Lately thinking about Pro Life vs Pro Choice.

[girlsearching]

Whatcha thinkin' about ?: I have been thinking about turning 30 this year, and what I'm going to still do with my life. Also I'm thinking about spring, I'm tired of this snow.

[Maisy]

I was thinking about pitt bulls because it popped up on my twitter feed. Saw such a sad and disturbing video. Also thinking about lunch. I think I will make tofu and cauliflower.

[FallingLeaves]

i am wondering if I ever get beyond treading water?

[Maisy]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

i am wondering if I ever get beyond treading water?

What do you mean by treading water? That's what I am thinking about!

[FallingLeaves]

hi maisy

um ok, what i was meaning is I do certain meditations (kinesthetics) and I'm always like well I seem to be 'progressing', so it would seem like things are changing and growing. But, it crossed my mind a while back that even progressing steadily can be a form of treading water, if one is fixated on measuring change and growth so you can puff out and tell yourself you are progressing for example at the expense of actually making meaningful progress. So I've been going down this road a long time and sometimes I'm like am I really progressing or am i just going around in circles and treading water? Could be either I guess... I really can't tell the difference from where I am. I no longer want to randomly claim I've got something I don't have any right to think I have so I was musing will i tread water all my life?

Of course the only problem here though is I still care if I'm progressing. Whereas I also know full well that what I'm doing has a life of its own and is beautiful by itself no matter where it leads (or maybe doesn't) (wolfish grin)....

well that is what i am thinking about what i was thinking lol...

hope that made sense!

Originally Posted by Maisy

For me it's Hulu or Netflix these days! If I could eat cheese it would sure be pizza as well!

Your detached attitude reminded me of her. Thank you so much for that
I'm at this point where, when I look at other people, I always find a small thing in them to remind me of her.
That's either true love or I've gone bonkers!
(Just joking, it's the same)

[Maisy]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

hope that made sense!

Yes perfect sense!

I have no idea if I am progressing in something. Certainly not in making cookies. I've tried three times and they came out bad each time. Progressing Hmmmmm. I don't think I can accurately remember how I was so I can't compare it to how I am. My feeling is I have always been the same.

I started as a baby and just been cruising along making mistakes. Things around me change and my body but I don't think I ever do. Still am making a lot of mistakes and as confused as ever.

I don't think I've learned much. Oh I learned to do and say less. That way I will make less mistakes. Oh right I've learned I make a lot of mistakes. So that's a lot.

Treading water sounds better than making mistakes.

[FallingLeaves]

hi maisy

sometime after i started i had a 'big event' and decided i wanted more of that... but that is basically all i knew about it for a long time. So I kept doing certain things I associated with it, sometimes something would happen and more often it would not. At the beginning I would work on it for a couple of days or a week or two and then get bored, only to come back six months later and have better success... I used to sleep through the winters, only to awaken in the spring or summer... not so much any more... that is how i learned, it is ok, not to be 'doing' for long periods and you could still 'proceed'.... before that I fell for the misconception you gotta work non-stop to attain goals or they were unattainable... now i just love my naps!

Anyway it got to a point at some point where I could sometimes get 'different' somethings happening. And I really had no idea how or why any of this would happen just that it would sometimes if I would go on... and I attached value to it for whatever reason... beyond that I had no clue the only mistake I kept making was trying to figure out what was going on and how I should react, as I found that to the extent I 'name' it and what my reactions to it should be I keep it at bay lol...

I wanted the big event though so I just stubbornly kept trying. But as I kept going i learned more about it, and what would help with it, and what would hinder it... and I gave up a lot of stuff that seemed terribly important to me along the way... so fast forward many many years where I spent a lot of time poking at things as well as changing who I was, then observing the results of my activities and reflecting on the things I knew I was doing wrong, and now I know lots and lots about it and the cycle time is also way down, so i can see changes well enough to sorta measure them. Although it is still like being in a fog I guess lol...

And I kinda feel closer to the 'big event' in some ways. Although my conception of what that is has necessarily changed as well... so much so that while I still have a desire for it, I'm willing to do without if that is the way the chips fall. It seems that now I feel like, there are bigger fish to fry than big events... although sometimes some things can be fun lol...

It is very much like being a child again, going back to school, mastering new skills... you start by not being able to sense anything real but over time things crystalize and you start to see patterns...

But a lot of the things you have to do at least on the path I'm on is do lots of things God has told us to do over and over but we are busy having fun playing with each other so we just don't... so, my endless chasing of this has brought me closer to god as well... it is a little different though, I'm not looking to beg him for favors the way many others seem to, I realize quite well that he may want to muddle my life up and cause some level of strife sometimes... as that seems to be the only reliable way to get my attention anyway and besides i'm 'attached' to the idea that I don't want him doing that and how else am I gonna learn?! Can be definitely uncomfortable though...