A question about twin flames.

[SMT3Master227]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

no they never actually did tell me go away. Their mother told me they didn't want me. And that is what I listened to in the physical reality because I knew by now that if I didn't I would end up in the situation certain other people around here end up in.

But there is an awful lot of room for ambiguity in terms of what is 'true'. Because I wasn't told explicitly by her, I could have gone off in all sorts of fantasies about why we should be together anyway if I'd wanted to do that again. Or I could have done exactly what I did and said wait a minute, I can be such a nag maybe she wouldn't tell me directly because she didn't want to deal with me?

Oh. Well why dont you try to find this person then? You keep leaving info out each time so I dont know your whole story.

[FallingLeaves]

part of the reason I don't like trying to get over my twin is I've had to deal with this so many times now and I always end up back here anyway, having to do it all over again, and I begin to despair that this is all I will ever have.

The only time I get to be awake, aware, not sleepwalking... I get... this... so sad...

Another part is much more sinister, sometimes what ends up happening is I hear words that strike me to my core once I get over her. And it often seems much much more entertaining to be continually waiting for a tomorrow that will never come than it does to risk those words.... so even when I'm trying I don't particularly want to be serious about it...

the words by the way are:

'if only you'd gone on just a little longer, we'd be together'.

and lest i turn back and continue on then I hear

'but you didn't'.

'and now it is too late'.

that just hurts so incredibly much whenever i hear it, it can be life-ending for me.

Even though I've come to think now that that is like anything else, just rudely tugging on my leash, and I know it doesn't mean anything beyond that, I still think it would hurt incredibly much if I heard it. So I don't want to hear it so I'm again not incentivized to go to great effort to get rid of my twin.

[SMT3Master227]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

Even though I've come to think now that that is like anything else, just rudely tugging on my leash, and I know it doesn't mean anything beyond that, I still think it would hurt incredibly much if I heard it. So I don't want to hear it so I'm again not incentivized to go to great effort to get rid of my twin.

Im confused by your situation. If your saying the mom was what told you to go away and not her, why dont you try looking for this person?

[JustBe]

Originally Posted by SMT3Master227

I Im willing to wait a bit, but not forever. I do think if we meet again that we will rediscover our love we had for each other as kids, but that is no guaranteed. In the mean time, I will do me and make myself happy since thats all I can do.

Yes traumas make us clingy and attached in unhealthy ways, so it’s natural to find yourself holding into something that feels right and true in you. Sometimes the trauma just wants to feel love and be loved by something/someone you have feelings towards. Our trauma needs to be felt fully, which often these paths like the twin flame one, draw us in closer, to something we genuinely feel connected too. Our trauma will come to the surface in such connections and yes it can get very messy if you’re not prepared for such things.

The more we open to another, the more the trauma surfaces. It’s in that safe feeling with another, we let go to open to everything most often.

It sounds like you’re aware enough without being too caught up in yourself or the external situation.

People use terms like divine union, I think this applies to the true self as one. So any relationship is an opportunity to build that union as you. Use those external reflections to notice how you feel, what you’re still attached to. When you build true peace, you’ll not hold on tight to anything.

You learn that everything is temporary in life. The more we hold onto things that might not be, we can waste so much energy on not living fully.

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by SMT3Master227

Im confused by your situation. If your saying the mom was what told you to go away and not her, why dont you try looking for this person?

im gonna say, because, I have been through this so many times now and I'm no longer willing to entertain the idea that if I did that it would work any more than it did any other time I did that.

I won't say I'm not tempted, I'm just saying 'no' to myself as loudly as I can.

I don't mind her, but no matter what I want I also know I don't want to be chasing her again. Terribly much I don't want to do anything that reminds me of chasing her, which includes any possibility of trying to reach out to her again in any way, or trying to believe that somehow this could work despite the fact I'm not going to chase her.

Whatever else I might want is just going to have to go away. Chasing her was one of the most horrible times in my life and I don't wish to repeat it. I don't want any part of it (now is the time where he waits for someone to try to drag him kicking and screaming back to the point where he would chase her sigh).

[SMT3Master227]

Originally Posted by JustBe

Yes traumas make us clingy and attached in unhealthy ways, so it’s natural to find yourself holding into something that feels right and true in you. Sometimes the trauma just wants to feel love and be loved by something/someone you have feelings towards. Our trauma needs to be felt fully, which often these paths like the twin flame one, draw us in closer, to something we genuinely feel connected too. Our trauma will come to the surface in such connections and yes it can get very messy if you’re not prepared for such things.

The more we open to another, the more the trauma surfaces. It’s in that safe feeling with another, we let go to open to everything most often.

My situation is so strange since if you asked me 5 months ago (before I rediscovered this person), what I thought about my past and my traumas and this girl, Id probably have little to say lol. Its so weird how this has changed everything since I been working so much in the last few years to where Ive just ignored alot of my personal problems and have ran from my past for quite some time. Id say the only reason Im even considering waiting is that Im still just working all the time and not really dating, so I dont mind spending some of my time on this, but obviously, as my life progresses, things will have to change, but for now, this is where my mind is at.

Ever since I read about this person again, things just got weird. I think what did it was that, this girl was also an artist (not sure if she still is) and alot of her work was about her traumas from childhood. It was very bizarre going through her works since it basically told me her life story, which was similar to mine. Same went for her life on social media over the years, we did alot of similar things in college, both went to grad school, both lived in big cities, its like if I asked chatGPT for a girl like me, well this is what it would give me lol. It almost seems like not real at times.

I guess thats why I wanted to see her again so badly, Ive never encountered someone so similar to me. But it was weird as kids how she wasnt that open about alot of things. I knew some stuff about her, but nowhere as I did now. Also, it was really weird how she wrote me this letter/note thing as a kid when I moved away for a short bit saying to call her anytime if I need someone and we werent really that close (I hung out with a friend of hers that I was closer with and she was just always there), so I still wonder to this day if like there was something else there. I know some people who could eventually give me those answers, but its going to take a while to get there since so many people are busy now a days and getting time to talk to anyone is tough.

I say this too since I looked up other guys she hung out with...like not to brag but those guys seemed like bums compared to me lol. They were way more socially ackward than I ever was and I had self esteem issues, but I was really funny and she loved my jokes and I was nicer to her than alot of guys, so it made me think a bit. If they were hanging out with her, like if I just opened my mouth and asked her to hang out, it would have been easy no problem. But back in those days, I had alot of home issues due to being poor, even though her being well off she had problems too, so it was weird how we came from two separate yet different worlds. I think me being from a lower socioeconomic class was why she might have liked me though, since all these rich kids were mean and pretty boring, while I guess I really was different. Shes pretty eccentric too, so yeah, I guess Im still trying to explore the past to see what the truth really is.

But I guess no matter what happens, Ive learned some of the truths of my past. I still have a long road ahead of figuring out everything that happened and am trying to fix the damage from long ago, but I think this girl will be in my heart forever. I cant thank her enough since shes like woken me up from being asleep so long. Its sad the damage she was dealt and its sad that she doesnt want to talk to me (im assuming many reasons, forgotten about me, is scared of men now, is scared of most people, brain fog, stress, life, etc.) but I dont think I will ever forget what Ive learned from her.

[SMT3Master227]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

im gonna say, because, I have been through this so many times now and I'm no longer willing to entertain the idea that if I did that it would work any more than it did any other time I did that.

I won't say I'm not tempted, I'm just saying 'no' to myself as loudly as I can.

So you tried in the past and what happened? I think if its possible you shouldnt give up, well, I guess that depends on how much this person means to you. I wouldnt give up until there is no way to reach them, but thats just what Id do. Then again I used to work in sales and am trained on how to deal with rejection

We all have free will and can do what we want, but at the same time, anything is possible. I know rejection sucks, but anything worth while is tough. Again, I dont know the specifics of whats going on to tell you what makes sense, but I do know if you and this person have some sort of bond, its not dead, at least as long as neither one of you did something horrible, and if that bond is still there, the connection isnt really dead, it would just take effort to revive it.

[FallingLeaves]

i've tried to reach her other times and it is always the same. It never works.

As far as 'anything is possible' I grimace at the way I believed that these days.

It kept me going long past the time I knew to quit... maybe tomorrow will be different than all the other times I tried it??? because anything is possible???? So lets try it again???? One more time???? and then after that One More Time??? and then after that One More Time??? Anything is possible so it IS going to work!!!! So One More Time??? (shudders)...

it is kinda like charley brown and lucy and kicking that accursed football... right now though I want to not kick footballs more than I want to see if 'anything is possible' will pan out the ten millionth time I try even though all the other times it didn't...

[Aldous]

Why does every chance to see my TF never work out?
https://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/s...d.php?t=125990

[SMT3Master227]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

i've tried to reach her other times and it is always the same. It never works.

As far as 'anything is possible' I grimace at the way I believed that these days.

It kept me going long past the time I knew to quit... maybe tomorrow will be different than all the other times I tried it??? because anything is possible???? So lets try it again???? One more time???? and then after that One More Time??? and then after that One More Time??? Anything is possible so it IS going to work!!!! So One More Time??? (shudders)...

it is kinda like charley brown and lucy and kicking that accursed football... right now though I want to not kick footballs more than I want to see if 'anything is possible' will pan out the ten millionth time I try even though all the other times it didn't...

I guess I dont know your situation enough to really judge it since you keep leaving out details lol. I guess I wish you luck and im sorry this is happening. I hope you find peace.