how do you know if your on the right path in life?

[Baile]

Originally Posted by Wonderer

At this stage, I am not sure if it's our free will which leads us to where we are, or our destiny, planed life before we come to earth. Or maybe a combination of both. All I know is that some decisions are very important to consider them well as there is no going back. Now I have to suffer being on this island but with my loved ones, or be in a place that makes me happy and suffer without them. I choose the former, but it's still tough and trying to find ways to be happy here.

Thanks very much for posting your story Wonderer. As I read it, I realized that our response to questions changes when it involves real people in real-life situations.

But I don't think my advice to a person in that situation (you in this case) would change from what I previously posted. A relationship is two people making a true attempt to find their way in life, together. And it's that last word that is important to understand here. If either of the two chooses their family (mother, father, sisters, brothers) and their previous family life, over their partner and his/her wishes to create a new life, then that's a clear choice and a statement of intent.

It's that clarity that we strive to identify in any decision-making situation. And in this case, it's seems clear there's no real couple/togetherness bond here. I know from my own relationship experiences that in situations like that, it's best to part ways and go off and find your own separate futures. Having a child makes that decision harder and more complicated, yes. But IMO children are much better off living with parents who are living apart and happy, than parents who are together and miserable.

Originally Posted by Baile

Thanks very much for posting your story Wonderer. As I read it, I realized that our response to questions changes when it involves real people in real-life situations.

But I don't think my advice to a person in that situation (you in this case) would change from what I previously posted. A relationship is two people making a true attempt to find their way in life, together. And it's that last word that is important to understand here. If either of the two chooses their family (mother, father, sisters, brothers) and their previous family life, over their partner and his/her wishes to create a new life, then that's a clear choice and a statement of intent.

It's that clarity that we strive to identify in any decision-making situation. And in this case, it's seems clear there's no real couple/togetherness bond here. I know from my own relationship experiences that in situations like that, it's best to part ways and go off and find your own separate futures. Having a child makes that decision harder and more complicated, yes. But IMO children are much better off living with parents who are living apart and happy, than parents who are together and miserable.

You're welcome Baile :) And thanks for your honest, straight to the point post. That's what I have always thought you know, that when you get married your husband/wife comes before family. I guess people are different. The bond is there between us, but I think it's stronger between her and her family/friends..which is sad, but anyway.

As the days pass, it's harder and harder for me to 'fake' this life and being happy. But I'm just doing it for the sake of my daughter. Like you said, it's worse for kids to live in disharmony. But I'm keeping cool from outside, so she does not know. Though from the inside it's a constant battle which I cannot control anymore. My wife knows it all though.

The thing is that I love my daughter so much, that I cannot live without her, so my only option is to try and find a way to be happy here :)

Maybe that inner thing psychoslice mentioned will work :)

[Baile]

Originally Posted by Wonderer

As the days pass, it's harder and harder for me to 'fake' this life and being happy. But I'm just doing it for the sake of my daughter. Like you said, it's worse for kids to live in disharmony. But I'm keeping cool from outside, so she does not know. Though from the inside it's a constant battle which I cannot control anymore. My wife knows it all though.

I'm not trying to break up your family here Wonderer. But what about creating a life for yourself, near your child? That can be a starting point for change at least. Because right now, you're describing life dynamics that are happening because of the situation you're in. The moment you change the particulars of your situation, the life dynamics can and will transform as well. You can't know how things will change of course. You might discover that you need to leave the island for good. Or it could happen that living on your own near your child, becomes a lifestyle you really begin to love.

Just some thoughts, not trying to convince you to do anything crazy or drastic!

[awakeningheart]

Wonderer..I have a very dear friend who found himself in a similar situation to yours. Living in a place (also an island) that is small, yet safe with his family (wife and children). Living a good life but really, he never wanted to be there. But had he made the decision to leave when his child was small, he would have lost everything - the relationship with his child most importantly.

Now several decades later, he is suffering a crisis. He feels he has led a life of dishonesty. Those around him also feel that he has been dishonest with them - that he pretended to be someone he is not. He suppressed all those truths about himself that he didn't want to face.

I am afraid for him. Afraid that he will not 'live his truth' because it is 'easier' to be dishonest about what he truly wants out of life. It's sad really. Because his truth has to come out in some way - who knows how - mental or physical illness, a breakdown in his relationships. I send healing for him every day that his life will become clearer.

[Baile]

I need to say this as well Wonderer. For me, love, and having a true relationship with someone, is the highest form of spiritual connectedness. I wouldn't stay in a relationship where my partner wasn't completely focused on the same ideal. Couples work together to discover and explore how their lives can unfold together. If that's not the focus, then there's no point in being together as I see it.

[lostchild88]

hey, horace. I've tried to meditate but, I can't seem to quite my mind. I have a very active mind. I have tried meditation music but they're scary lol I have also tried the breathing technique and I find that I end up falling asleep. so i kind figure maybe I'm just doing it wrong or it isn't time for me to do so yet. Terryj, I am almost 25. I have invested money into this field and if, I stop now I'll be working a minimum wage job for the rest of my life to pay off for school;so quitting isn't really an option at this point. I just think it all comes down to being lazy and never actually putting my all into things that makes it so much harder on me. That and all the questions and different levels of growing up that have been happening, is what's slowing me down.

[lostchild88]

I forgot to mention that, I'm one class away from graduation and the fact that I'm so close to finishing doesn't even make me want to do what I should.. I don't know if maybe I'm scared of the real world or if maybe I'm just suppose to do this at a later time.

Originally Posted by Baile

I'm not trying to break up your family here Wonderer. But what about creating a life for yourself, near your child? That can be a starting point for change at least. Because right now, you're describing life dynamics that are happening because of the situation you're in. The moment you change the particulars of your situation, the life dynamics can and will transform as well. You can't know how things will change of course. You might discover that you need to leave the island for good. Or it could happen that living on your own near your child, becomes a lifestyle you really begin to love.

Just some thoughts, not trying to convince you to do anything crazy or drastic!

Thanks for your thoughts :) And don't worry, I never take quick decisions, especially ones that affect other people :)

Originally Posted by Baile

I need to say this as well Wonderer. For me, love, and having a true relationship with someone, is the highest form of spiritual connectedness. I wouldn't stay in a relationship where my partner wasn't completely focused on the same ideal. Couples work together to discover and explore how their lives can unfold together. If that's not the focus, then there's no point in being together as I see it.

I know. That's one of the things that hurts me most.

Thanks.

Originally Posted by awakeningheart

Wonderer..I have a very dear friend who found himself in a similar situation to yours. Living in a place (also an island) that is small, yet safe with his family (wife and children). Living a good life but really, he never wanted to be there. But had he made the decision to leave when his child was small, he would have lost everything - the relationship with his child most importantly.

Now several decades later, he is suffering a crisis. He feels he has led a life of dishonesty. Those around him also feel that he has been dishonest with them - that he pretended to be someone he is not. He suppressed all those truths about himself that he didn't want to face.

I am afraid for him. Afraid that he will not 'live his truth' because it is 'easier' to be dishonest about what he truly wants out of life. It's sad really. Because his truth has to come out in some way - who knows how - mental or physical illness, a breakdown in his relationships. I send healing for him every day that his life will become clearer.

Wow. Seems like this guy and myself are sharing a similar life. And my island is small to!

The truth is out really. I am not 40 yet and just discovered that I have diabetes and high cholesterol. Was shocked, cause I don't eat much junk food/sweets and not over weight. Maybe the negativity brought it to me. It's hard for metal illness to hit me cause I am very strong psychologically, but I guess never say never.

My daughter and myself, we share a huge bond together. I want to be there for her. Want her to have that father in her life. In fact, I tried once, live away in another country for 4 months. The pain I felt being away from her was unbearable. So I can say that I cannot live away from her. Same for her. She could not even speak to me on Skype, guess she was trying to protect herself and blocking the feelings. When i went back, I could see her different, and it took me 6 months to make her feel secure again and seeing her happy and enjoy life. So I cannot do it again to her :)

I feel that the only way is to find a way to be happy where I am. At least, that's how I see it now. Don't know how, hopefully will find a way.

Sorry guys for all this rambling, and thank from from the deepest of my heart. It's nice to have someone hearing you :)

PS: Sorry LostChild88, I derailed your thread a bit!!! Hope I did not bother you much :) Thanks!