Why could I not feel his love then?

Originally Posted by Brian100

Well it sounds like you are wondering if he really did love you. I don't think he did. . he was just like everyone else who moves on and tries to find a new love to replace the old one.

I can't move on . . my girl was stolen from me by lies. And I'm not messing this up with God. . (she was that special in my heart). I know my love for her was given to me by God and its not some bubblegum wrapper to be tossed to the floor. I believe God has the power to restore what I had 100x over.

There was one time I almost gave my X a 2nd chance.. but God showed me she was still a lair. Her lie broke my True Love up! God revealed to me what all happened this year.

Everyone else believes we just die so they go out and grab whatever love they can get before it happens. I don't want fake Love ---I dated 50 girls.. & never found one that did it for me until that one God sent.

If they understood the perfect match -- they could see what I see.

The devil stole my woman b/c I decoded the Shroud of Turin in 2018 some 20 years into the future. He tried to change my future!
http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...d.php?t=136236





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The larger issue is did you really love him? People in love don't ask if they loves me.. b.c it don't really matter. Love can make a person fall madly in love with you. But that all begins with you.
Yes I checked into if my girl really did. She really did. I played our whole life back over and over and found proof that God pushed her to Marry before she left for good. We ran off in secret! Only God could have put that into her head! I never participated in her divorce. I told her to take everything u want. She took nothing.

My girl met me one last time I gave her the biggest hug and said I luv you soooo much.. and then we parted. So my girl will never question it.
She probably thought I would break? Love endures.

I'm taking my love to the Creator and he will give me this Love with her.

God even allowed me to say goodbye to her! How many people have that? God can take your love from you with no goodbyes! How horrible would that be?

God left me with the best photo of her so I would never forget her! God soothed my heart with her photo! She took one like Marilynn Monroe for me doing the hands to knee thing. That's how I know she really loved me.
She took this photo her on own and left it on my camera!

She was so beautiful!! And she thought she was ugly. She had this red rose tat..
https://i.ibb.co/8zbw203/anna24.jpg

here's me 30 years ago. I had a great tan.. pool was awesome.
https://i.ibb.co/SK98GLw/brian100.jpg


So heaven is for 2 people.. and I know who will go with me. That's why I think people are crazy to not look for True Love with the Creator! Can you imagine a place where no love is? I see it right now..and there is no way I'm signing up for more of that!


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Hi, thank you for sharing this with me, nice pics. you make me think of the saying better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all.

but unlike you i think there is not only one love that is destined to be in everyone's life or life plan always. I think we are members of a soul group and in that group, if one romantic relationships fails there could be an alternative destiny, faith, another soulmate to step up, in time.

true, i did question if he really loved me the way I loved him and true I did not think he did when he could do something like that to me, and think us not getting married was no big deal. the more I thought of it the more stupid it seemed to have that kind of attitude when planning a wedding with someone. I don't want to back-mouth him but he had perhaps been an only child for too long and was still not in adult years ready to compromise. I thought it was real selfish of him to say that if I really loved him I was going to have the wedding like that. One time his friend said he showed up in the clothes he had plan to wear on the wedding and had apparently tried to book us in somewhere to get married and was trying to call me from his friend's place (so that it would not show that he was calling from his number I guess) and the friend had to really grab hold of him and shake him and ask what he was doing. It was over.

Anyways, yes at the time I did truly love him but I was too hurt after what he had said to me and it was not something I could just shake off and then start talking and seeing him again, what ever it now was that he wanted out of that. He had hurt me too much. I did not trust him. Before all this I would say I did trust him. The pregnancy did play an important role in all this that he never even knew about, like I was somewhere else entirely, going through it.

Yes, I use to think he did not really love me after what he had said, done, but I also forgave him for this because i thought he was still just a boy, not yet a man and he could not help where he was inside himself. but I could not sit around to see if that would even change, perhaps it was not all age, emotional maturity, but that like you think he simply did not really love me.

I hope you get your true love back :)

[Brian100]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Hi, thank you for sharing this with me, nice pics. you make me think of the saying better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all.

Yes, that is the message to you. Find that pearl! I know Love won't last in this world.. Old age will break any marriage anyways. I never want us to see each other old.
I was Catholic so God helped me with that.

So I made sure I used my only chance at Marriage on my sweetheart.. I was her first. Both ours! God pushed her into getting Married....& I thought she was gone for good and she came back just to Marry me and then left the day after the wedding.
God will reward. . that was Predestination. God forced her to my wedding. Mark 10:6-9. That was not luck for me. Destiny.

She came back to my Apt and was crying at my bed when I slept..(never changed the locks) I said whats wrong baby!! She said she messed up. I said I thought you were happy with the new guy? She said no I love you! And she Married me.
Then leaves me?? What the heck! God forced it on her and let no man tear apart!

Thank you for those nice words-- I just wanted to show you what a real guys love is like.

[Brian100]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Hi, thank you for sharing this with me, nice pics. you make me think of the sayi...

true, i did question if he really loved me the way I loved him and true I did not think he did when he could do something like that to me, and think us not getting married was no big deal. the more I thought of it the more stupid it seemed to have that kind of attitude when planning a wedding with someone.

He wouldn't have forced anything on you like that if he did. Everyone knows your Parents at the Wedding means the most their Sweetheart!

My girl ran off with me to a secret wedding b/c God forced her to. I said lets go get Married and she was like heck yeah! And then afterwards I saw her face.. I never want to see that again. (the face of nobody to see it) But God married us for the afterlife not for this life.

When shes sees how far I went for our Love with God she will love me for forever!

I know the devil took her away for discovering the Shroud of Turin secret. . (changing time) (I had 10 year depression), but Luke visited me in 2003 and said I wrote something. . . which I didn't find until 2020. http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...d.php?t=136236



Asearchers... so you know what my Heaven is like Watch this.
http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...d.php?t=136265

Watch the video of Paradise and being in Love with your woman. I want that with my True Love in the next time afterlife. . The Loverboy Music video. Look at her face! You see heaven in her smile.

A man will sell all he has for his True Love to be with her in Paradise! Who would pass on that? This dusty world ... nothing lasts here. But it lasts with the new Heavens and New Earth! Heaven must be nothing but Beauty! Nothing but real!



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[Brian100]

Originally Posted by asearcher

No matter what I never wanted him to become so reckless with his life and not taking care of himself or others and dying like that.

I know why he got wreck-less...b/c he couldn't control you and it was his way of saying I'll mess up my life so you notice it. Why would he want to put more pain into your life? Maybe he thought he could make you come back if you saw him go off the wall. You have to realize that Love wasn't in the driver seat here.

Anytime something ends bad there is a reason it ends. You just have to ask why did it end like that????? I'm thinking he said nobody can come to the wedding so you would call it off. He really gave you no other choice, and him saying that to you created distrust in his intentions. Distrust that the whole marriage with you would be his choice. .You were right to end it b/c nobody can be a doormat like that. But if you ran off with him to elope, some other force would have done it to you. But no other force was there. You had control of this.

I didn't have to force my girl, and a hidden force pushed us both to it.

I asked her why she married me only to leave again.. she said "I was stupid." I'm guessing that meant she loved me. B/c People that don't love you won't marry you, and then say I was stupid.
I honestly think God made her elope, and once we got bound its a done deal. Over the long run . . God knows the plan?

My girl totally disappeared... 20 years.. no facebook. no social media. No friends, no family either.

So my love might be the only thing to save her. The next time (afterlife) we meet I want her to see me as a Shinning knight.

I'm too old now . .& love is only for young people. Anything above age 35 is God aweful horrible. God makes sure you will miss young and beautiful very fast!
That's why Jesus said 'don't store up anything in this world'... where it goes away. He said to store it up inside your heart!

Turning to religion is very easy when you lose #1 your True Love + #2 your good looks. B/c that's the only place you will see it last (in Heaven).

Marilyn had all that money and still she wasn't happy, b.c God is the only one who brings happiness.



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Originally Posted by Brian100

Perhaps not telling him about the baby sent him on his wreck-less course. Kids change a man very fast. But if you had fights like that isn't love. That is just two people who thought they had love.

True love will tell them its your choice if you want me here or not when you move out. Take what you want I don't care take all I have..and I only care about your happiness with or without me.

You're probably just feeling guilty that you sent him on this course to self destruct? Just forget about him. If he loved you he wouldn't have treated you or your mom with violence. And I think you're going back to him to find out if he really loved you.. but the real issue is did you love him? That should of been your main title if you had. I wont even ask what happened to the baby. I'm sorry all that happened like that to you.

My girl left pregnant too and I have no idea what she did to it, and if something bad had happened then I get it fixed with the Creator, too.

And it doesn't sound like to me you will find heaven to fix it for him either so its better to just forget!

True love would have told him about that baby? Hiding that is really bad. My girl told me it was the new guys baby! Give me a break. But at least she told me.


The new guy will have nothing in the afterlife (Mark 10:6-9)
She lost him and the house they had in the financial crisis.
The new guy stole her from me using his house as bait?

And I'm the one with the paid off house by 40. Not him.

Your descriptions of your relationship sounds like me and MY previous X.. nothing but trouble. I will not remember her anymore.
It seems like you have no current True love memories to erase this guy with. . and that sucks if that is what you called Love. Its probably more likely he would've beat you than loved you if you've gotten married.

Hi Brian100!

I have now read through all you have written. Very sorry you had to go through that turmoil with your true love.

I 100% agree that it was wrong of me not to tell the ex of the pregnancy. It is not an excuse, but a reason for it was that I felt too weak both emotionally and physically at the time and I wanted to get to a better place when I would tell him, so that I would be strong enough to deal with his emotions, responses as well because when it concern him I had no walls to put up, and I needed to get to that place first. There is always a chance of miscarriage up to the third month and I did not know if we were gonna make it or not and if it was not meant to be then it was no use in exposing him to that. It was a miscarriage. I did not do an abortion. I did not feel a need to tell him afterwards because that would only be sad and we were moving on with our lives separately. All this time I have kept it to myself and when he died it surfaced - big time.

He was not violent, he did not get violent with my mom or with me, but he was angry and frustrated the time when my mom threaten with the calling the cops if he did not respect my wish.

He had an own responsibility that he could not escape from. It is always this thing with me where one side of me take over someone else's responsibility because i feel too much with that person, and the other side of me has to say STOP! that there is a line that should not get crossed in the sand.

I wish I had told him of the pregnancy. I can't undo this. I am very sorry I didn't. It was his too. He had a right to know. He had a right to be in the process too as it was going on.

Had this not happened to me I would have thought that of course I would have reacted so and so and of course I would have told him right away, logically I could see what was right or wrong but emotionally I could not get myself to the place where I would do the right thing then and there.

As it was then I did not want him to feel pressured to get back with me and marry me and as it was then for me everything was ruined anyhow and I could not picture myself anymore do that. and if that was to happen i would not know if it was because of the baby. I was "old fashioned" then and I had a plan in my head that I would first be married and then at some point I would if I was lucky get pregnant. I think I needed to learn that "things happen" and with good intention we can work around it and solve it.

I don't think there is an age-number to when to not experience love, I don't think it is just for the young ones. I respect your opinion to think that, though, but I still think you could be missing out on another true love, but that is your life of course and your decision to make :)

[Brian100]

Asearcher, everyone has arguments . . mine told me she had an abortion and they showed it to her (insert reason not to be with me). But I have reviewed this with other girls and they are not allowed to do that so there is a possibility mine left to have a baby with the new guy and she told him it was his but it was really mine.

We had some verbal things going on but that happened b/c she started to involve a new person and then she would brag in an open room (while I was sleeping) out loud how they liked it in bed while on the phone with him. And I had told her to take that **** somewhere else don't talk like that around me. This was before she got all sorry and married me. So imagine never being told there is this kid, and her lying about an abortion. . I saw her divorce papers and there was a male child in the divorce and she got child support. . but what if she never told this boy he's mine? I can't think of the abortion thing. My girl really stuck it to me... but I just drifted farther away and let her go away. I knew she was trying to get me to start crying (but I was too tough for that or to do that in front of her). Never cry to your woman! But she cried to me later, and she wanted to marry then!

But I still loved her lots. But then she came back and married me. Then left the day after the wedding which I thought was weird. So she's going to be worse than you . . if she hide this baby from me. I saw she named it junior after the new guy!!! reallly? Could my love with her get any worse than that! And guess what she called him? Angel. His middle name.

This all has to be tied to the Shroud of Turin secrets that I have decoded, b/c only the devil could hurt me this bad.

One of my theories on her Marrying me was God had put it all in her head to marry this guy. B/c I can't account for her reason to get Married to me especially without Parents there like you had wanted.

Imagine God saying 'Ye Shall Marry this Man and you will be his Wife'. . .in secret. That was too weird! He overwhelmed her with True Love at this very moment!

Then right after the devil wrecked it all. I could not spend even one day with her Married. . . and that's why I think the devil did it to me.

So my destiny with her is in Heaven?
Mark 10:9
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.


It really makes you think!


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Originally Posted by Brian100

Asearcher, everyone has arguments . . mine told me she had an abortion and they showed it to her (insert reason not to be with me). But I have reviewed this with other girls and they are not allowed to do that so there is a possibility mine left to have a baby with the new guy and she told him it was his but it was really mine.

We had some verbal things going on but that happened b/c she started to involve a new person and then she would brag in an open room (while I was sleeping) out loud how they liked it in bed while on the phone with him. And I had told her to take that **** somewhere else don't talk like that around me. This was before she got all sorry and married me. So imagine never being told there is this kid, and her lying about an abortion. . I saw her divorce papers and there was a male child in the divorce and she got child support. . but what if she never told this boy he's mine? I can't think of the abortion thing. My girl really stuck it to me... but I just drifted farther away and let her go away. I knew she was trying to get me to start crying (but I was too tough for that do that in front of her). Never cry to your woman! But she cried to me later, and she wanted to marry then!

But I still loved her lots. But then she came back and married me. Then left the day after the wedding which I thought was weird. So she's going to be worse than you . . if she hide this baby from me. I saw she named it junior after the new guy!!! reallly? Could my love with her get any worse than that! And guess what she called him? Angel. His middle name.

This all has to be tied to the Shroud of Turin secrets that I have decoded, b/c only the devil could hurt me this bad.

One of my theories on her Marrying me was God had put it all in her head to marry this guy. B/c I can't account for her reason to get Married to me especially without Parents there like you had wanted.

Imagine God saying 'Ye Shall Marry this Man and you will be his Wife'. . .in secret. That was too weird! He overwhelmed her with True Love at this very moment!

Then right after the devil wrecked it all. I could not spend even one day with her Married. . . and that's why I think the devil did it to me.

So my destiny with her is in Heaven?
Mark 10:9
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.


It really makes you think!


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What you have been through must have been very hard and heartbreaking. You must feel things has been left unfinished, shocking etc if she married you one day and was gone the next and she then went missing all these years. Adding the confusion and painful chapter of the pregnancy and son. I'm sure you must have looked for reasons for this and because of your faith you believe you have your answers and has helped you carry on. I think because you still was in love with her nobody else could make you love again and because too of the hurt. I hope these wounds you carry will heal someday, here on earth or in heaven and that you will get the girl of your dreams again.

[Brian100]

Originally Posted by asearcher

What you have been through must have been very hard and heartbreaking. You must feel things has been left unfinished, shocking etc if she married you one day and was gone the next and she then went missing all these years. Adding the confusion and painful chapter of the pregnancy and son. I'm sure you must have looked for reasons for this and because of your faith you believe you have your answers and has helped you carry on. I think because you still was in love with her nobody else could make you love again and because too of the hurt. I hope these wounds you carry will heal someday, here on earth or in heaven and that you will get the girl of your dreams again.

Well it matters not what has happened in this world to me and her Love.. I know God put us together. No way she married me to be gone the day after! If she will be all mine in the afterlife. I'm storing up all this treasure with God.. b.c I know he really exists now.

Even you yourself would not marry without mom there. So why would she? She wouldn't unless God forced her to!
Mark 10:9
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

I get teary eyes knowing God has given her to me. No way , no how, any woman gets married to her True Love just for that night and leaves. And without any of her family there! You had pointed this contradiction out to me.


You said:

Then got into a weird conversation, argument one time about how, when to get married. Turns out he wanted nobody there, family members. He told me if I really loved him I would have it this way. I was trying to tell him ourclose ones would get hurt. I did not raise my voice once. I had to break eye contact because I have always been over sensitive when I feel someone's mad at me. And he was holding it back. But I could still see it, very much, in his eyes. In his words. He told me we would not get married. Like: Period. Please believe me I was no bride Godzilla, financially I was no burden, working. i did not ask for any big wedding or expensive honeymoon.

This means God got involved.

[Brian100]

Asearcher, so your story proved my story. Wow its like God lead me to your topic so I would know again his hand made this all happened and nobody else's hand could. Just look what your man said to you about love.

Wow his message to you was a message to me.

Wow that is spooky!

He said:

He told me if I really loved him I would have it this way

You would do the all alone thing! Mine did that! And I never forced her to do that!

What are the odds I was able to do the all alone thing and you were not? What are the odds of two people meeting so we could share all alone weddings? Its astronomical.


So lets connect the impossible dots. I dreamt of her True Love 6 months in advance.
http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...d.php?t=136245



This all happened to Asearcher so I could meet her here 20+ years later and share our 2 impossible ALL ALONE WEDDING stories with her.


See there is a God!
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[linen53]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Hi Linen53! your reply really touched me, beautiful comparison. Yeah, perhaps he did realize that, finally, to at least see it from another perspective than his old one. I was so hurt back then I never gave him a second chance. He got close to fighting with my mom when she told him she was just the messenger when he came to the home, to tell him i did not want to see him and did not want him to call. she knew of the pregnancy and not him. She said it was strange looking at him and her knowing what he should be knowing and still she did not think it was in her place to tell him, she wanted me to. anyways, that time she had to threaten him that if he came by like that again she would call the cops. and she was someone that when she said something like that she meant it. He would say he only wish to talk to me, just a little bit.

All I could think of if i was to re open that door with him is that I would be under his thump. Plus with the pregnancy I had gone through something that he had not been part of, that he would not get what an impact that made on me.

One friend of his told me he was in a real messy place after he found out I had met someone else, and was first in denial that it was serious and would go "how could she? after I have given her everything" (His everything was not my everything by my book...more like here I am going to give you a cake, no wait a minute let me just take 80% of that cake and eat myself and you can have the rest).

I never thought it was fair on him to punish me for thinking of our families and friends, it is not like it was that many people, would cost us that much, plus his family was so supportive of us and had already made me one of the family. but I don't know if perhaps someone in his family or life thought he was too young to get married, some did think we were too serious with the engagement when just starting out in life.

I do regret not having talk with him though because it was as if he was in denial of what he had done - how he had hurt me. like he thought we could just pick up where we end things. Like he did not own it. I don't know why he was so angry with me. I was the one who had the right to be angry, but I was sad and kept things to myself.

there is something with me where I can see too that i work differently than some do. I go by my feelings. and if trouble ahead I believe we can sort it out when we get there. I was not afraid to get married and to have a baby in the marriage even if I was young.

I think he is one of my members of my soul group and that in the future we will meet in some form, for some purpose. Hopefully in what ever form it will be we will be a better success.

No matter what I never wanted him to become so reckless with his life and not taking care of himself or others and dying like that.

Thank you for your support :)

Best wishes

YOU are not responsible for his success or failures. It doesn't work that way. It sounds as if you had sat down and talked to him he would have turned it all around and held you responsible. Best to end it with a pair of scissors to cut the ties off abruptly. Thankfully he didn't stalk you. Some like that do.

All will be made clear when the two of you can sit and talk once you get to the other side. IF the two of you are in agreement to do so.