My Parents

[Sarian]

Originally Posted by Native spirit

Hi Sarian,

The best way to let things go is to release it.your dad knows he cant do what he used to, and that frustrates him he should see a doctor but this is something he must decide on, your mother is trying to carry on to keep things at an even keel for you and your dad. even though she is ill herself they just dont want their little girl to grow up,
i lost my mother 9 years ago i wasnt close to her at all. but i was closer to my dad who. passed away nearly two years ago. 4 years after my husband i was left with 5 kids to bring up alone,
i found the easiest way to carry on was to write down in a book my feelings like a diary. because when you do this you release the emmotion
that you hold onto. i wish you all the best just carry on and know that you will be allright.

Namaste

Thank you native spirit for your advice and I'm so sorry for your own losses. I've always been closer to my dad as well, we have much more in common and I'm more like my dad. I do love my mom dearly, but we had issues. I wasn't planned and she seemed to hhold that against me all my life...but with that said, we did have many good times despite the fact that some days for no reason she would lash out at me...but I know she loves me and I know my dad does too. Yeah, there are times I can see she is worried about her little girl and looking out for her, dad too. I think they are at ease now that I was able to keep my house and my mortgage paid off in the divorce, so that gives them a good peace of mind.

Thank you so much for writing and caring.

[Lynn]

Hello

This brings in many emotions. I was planning a wedding when suddely from a heart attack me Dad was here one day and gone the next. Me husband to be was away working accross country and could not come back from there.

I cancelled all the wedding plans....I just could not face it all. That turned out to be one of the BEST choices I even could have come to make. NO I did not loose the man I was to marry we just never married in that way. It was in many ways a "GIFT" I got from me Dad there as no matter how hard I have tried in 31 years now, I can not find acceptance or even really common grounds with his family. The "Wrong Side of the Tracks" to them be me. So in there not being a wedding I did not LOOSE whom I am as a person.

I held a lot of ager for a time over this happening, at times thinking of the wedding I would have had... I have the dress still. I too know that me Dad is proud of me for making things work and giving him three grandkids. He visits often.

When it comes to me Mother and I as far as I know she is still living...she choose one sibling over the other and that meant her walking away. Her and I never bonded and I know the split happened when I was but 3 months old....I embrace that simply is the path. She has three grand kids I guess she might wonder on them some...who knows.

It is said we choose our partents coming in, I feel that is true. What we do not have control in is when they go from us. Me Dad always said ye have a set number if minutes here and when your called off you go.

There are always I feel reasons for the harder life tests we be given, while when in them we are not clear in thinking when that fog clears we see WHY at times.

The only thing I still so struggle with is a message me Dad gave to me that he so does not want his Wife with him there when she goes, she made choices he can not accpet. I wonder if there is a control in that one.

Your not alone in your struggles.....and bless you for being there.


Lynn

Sarian

[Sarian]

Thank you, Ladylight.

Lynn, thank you for sharing your story. It is heartbreaking. I got a little confused, are you saying your husband's family saw you as from the 'wrong side of the tracks". That's so sad. My best friend often worries what his family would think of me...(i'm older, and they know something of my past)..I comment about my past, no, I wasn't a hooker or anything like that, lol, but (delete, delete, delete) I guess Iwill never feel okay to share stuff, but anyway...you'd think I was a a beast or a freak in their eyes, yet I'm told he feels that his family would 'love me to pieces' once they got to know me...but still it's pretty hurtful. (I once went to a woman who gave me past life readings and she said he was with me in many and for varying reasons, something always pulled us apart as much as we wanted to be together, so one 'lifetime' i was from the 'wrong side of the tracks' and his family said I wasn't good enough and forbade him to see me and he did as they wished. It feels that way even now, truth be known. Anyway, I'm so sorry that your in-laws did that to you,. and I'm soo sooo sorry about your dad's passing as you were planning your wedding. I'm so sorry about your mother. I don't think my mom ever bonded with me, but over the years, I could see she really did love me, although as a kid, I never felt much loved by her. I could emulate what my brothers did to get her to laugh and be happy, and for me to do say, I got a crack across the face and screamed at. She had issues, but I love her none the less.

All I can say about your dad and your mom, if she passed away as well or when she does....I have no doubt in my mind that we simply don't think as we do here on the other side. I could quite honestly see them chuckling over his comment of not wanting her there, but I can see the regret she would feel for not making better choices while on this earth with you.

I shall tell you that whatever life throws at us, a test? Well, I don't know about that, but when the chips are down, how will you react? Will you find out who you really are, what you are made of...see and do something positive out of it all or point fingers, get mad and wallow. Find strength, find growth, look for examples.

People say oh, why would god for example, allow a child to die. I will tell you I've seen and heard about children that are afflicted with a disease or dying and it's amazing the strength you find in children and the example they set and the love they possess. then you look at so many adults who could be placed in the same position and yet they become full of pity and fear... I think that to look at the bravery and love that children show is a great attribute and the child also teaches the adults who witness. Many might say well I witnessed the child being ravaged by disease...but what else did you see? Did you not notice the strength? So take something from that.
I
am blathering as usual. I often think about this and I think about a dear friend who lost her daughter on Christmas eve. I still think of that story and the strength that little girl possessed and passed on to her parents.

Anyway, thank you for your thoughts and sharing your story.

[Lynn]

Originally Posted by Sarian

Thank you, Ladylight.

Lynn, thank you for sharing your story. It is heartbreaking. I got a little confused, are you saying your husband's family saw you as from the 'wrong side of the tracks". That's so sad. My best friend often worries what his family would think of me...(i'm older, and they know something of my past)..I comment about my past, no, I wasn't a hooker or anything like that, lol, but (delete, delete, delete) I guess Iwill never feel okay to share stuff, but anyway...you'd think I was a a beast or a freak in their eyes, yet I'm told he feels that his family would 'love me to pieces' once they got to know me...but still it's pretty hurtful. (I once went to a woman who gave me past life readings and she said he was with me in many and for varying reasons, something always pulled us apart as much as we wanted to be together, so one 'lifetime' i was from the 'wrong side of the tracks' and his family said I wasn't good enough and forbade him to see me and he did as they wished. It feels that way even now, truth be known. Anyway, I'm so sorry that your in-laws did that to you,. and I'm soo sooo sorry about your dad's passing as you were planning your wedding. I'm so sorry about your mother. I don't think my mom ever bonded with me, but over the years, I could see she really did love me, although as a kid, I never felt much loved by her. I could emulate what my brothers did to get her to laugh and be happy, and for me to do say, I got a crack across the face and screamed at. She had issues, but I love her none the less.

It all comes down to EMBRACING whom one is a person and seeing that we can not change the thoughts of other's we can only be the best person we can be. Yes one can say the timing of me Dad's passing was not the best but too I know full well with the family that I joined with me mate....

Its not that I am the wrong side of the tracks in whom I was as a person, me mate is the ONLY man I have ever dated and well been with. More its that I did not come from the $$$$$ signs they would have wanted. They are all about the $$$$$ and that meant the mate had a HUGE choice to make me or money. Well he choose me....and we have built a good life. We both do not work and are 49 and 50 with three kids...no debts at all....how many can say that ? Yet its not enough. I look though at us being happy and them well not being happy. Comes down to a smile on one's face I feel.

I have made peace with me Mom and her choice, I hope that when her final transition comes that is it an easy one. Its all about that place of balance, in being able to know that things happen and that things have a "lesson" to them.

Bottom line we can be there for other's but that does not mean they want to be there for us, comes down to self confidence in whom one is. I am a strong person there.

All I can say about your dad and your mom, if she passed away as well or when she does....I have no doubt in my mind that we simply don't think as we do here on the other side. I could quite honestly see them chuckling over his comment of not wanting her there, but I can see the regret she would feel for not making better choices while on this earth with you.

Yes, I am sure that much changes there. Being that I work with Spirit and when the first ever crossing I did with a couple in me first house, where there was a death due to domestic abuse. I know well that I did not sent her to him again like she was trapped in death. There is healing to be done and I feel work to be done there too.

I shall tell you that whatever life throws at us, a test? Well, I don't know about that, but when the chips are down, how will you react? Will you find out who you really are, what you are made of...see and do something positive out of it all or point fingers, get mad and wallow. Find strength, find growth, look for examples.

I am one to always find the "Glimmer of Light" in all situations.

People say oh, why would god for example, allow a child to die. I will tell you I've seen and heard about children that are afflicted with a disease or dying and it's amazing the strength you find in children and the example they set and the love they possess. then you look at so many adults who could be placed in the same position and yet they become full of pity and fear... I think that to look at the bravery and love that children show is a great attribute and the child also teaches the adults who witness. Many might say well I witnessed the child being ravaged by disease...but what else did you see? Did you not notice the strength? So take something from that.

I have done much volenteer work before I had children of me own, and I have seen many of them sadly pass. I worked as a volenteer with special needs children and adults I worked with Aids Vancouver and saw many there too pass. I am no stranger to death and to the strengh that be there. I have recently been in hospice situations for one's and that too is hard. Its about being able to detach but too attach with compassions.
am blathering as usual. I often think about this and I think about a dear friend who lost her daughter on Christmas eve. I still think of that story and the strength that little girl possessed and passed on to her parents.

Anyway, thank you for your thoughts and sharing your story.

There is nothing wrong in blathering I at times wonder into that same path what I find at times is it shows other's they are not so alone.

Lynn

[Sarian]

Thank you for sharing your story, Lynn. It is heartbreaking all you went through, but wonderful that you and your husband prevailed.

[whitelotus]

God bless you sarian....you are doing the best u can do....and ur parents also know that you love and they also love you.............
sarian

[Sarian]

Thank you, whitelotus. :-)