Have You Ever Decided to Just Run and Give Up

[vis-à-vis]

Originally Posted by ksjm33

OK, I think I get that. I might even be there?? Maybe I'm jus numb again. It's hard to say right now. I'm glad you're doing well though. How long has he been gone? Have you connected at all since he left?

As long as you know yourself under the numbness then it's all good. It won't numb who you really are. I feel his presence most of the time, so I'm not numb to that, but I have numbed the pain by turning it into space. In that space I believe anything can happen,, presence, beauty, freedom, the divine, creation, joy, enlightenment. I have put myself first and he will need to face his own demons alone. It can be called blocking or it can be called tough love. This also includes his loving thoughts and the telepathic kisses which are still coming through as well as all the synchs/signs which I accept but choose not cement into mind patterns. I'm currently tripping beyond the form and mind identification of the TF concept. Don't get me wrong, the TF energy is still coming through, but I allow it come through in other ways, not solely him.

He's been gone just over a month and there has been no contact nor does there need to be right now. All was said before he left that was needed to be said.

Originally Posted by vis-à-vis

I have been blocking his energy since we separated a few weeks ago and my life is so much better without all this crazy TF hoo-hah. He is still always on my mind but it has moved on from the obsessive longing. It now feels more like an annoying 2 year old child who doesn't get their way. Throwing little tantrums over every little situation or event. It now seems so ridiculous.

I also think unconditional love is an oxymoron. You are putting conditions on the love by saying that it is unconditional. Just another paradigm.

I also carry no fear of us never reuniting. That old emotion has left with him. There is so much more light in my life now without all the heavy TF drama. I don't call this running either, this is me creating my own bliss without the need of another to do this for or with me. Basically, I grew some spiritual balls.

Maybe it has only gone into hibernation or dormancy, the need to be with him, but I have become bored of feeding on all that pain and trouble. It's a rubbish addiction and I just realised that I don't need to suffer anymore.

I really like what you wrote. I understand what you mean by ''I have become bored of feeding on all that pain and trouble. It's a rubbish addiction and I just realised that I don't need to suffer anymore.'' I think there is a point where you gotta think of yourself first and, even though you can't forget about them, you reach an internal bliss and feel better about the whole situation. Thinking about the happy moments instead of all the bad sides of the relationship also help to feel better...

I've felt like this a few times and I've been absolutely determined, but she pulls me back somehow. Sometimes subtlety sometimes quite obviously.

So I guess I'm stuck on this merry-go-round with her. Which is fine by me :)

A few times... Every time it was very painful even to think about it.
Also, I doubted the connection and my sanity a few hundred times.
PS: Running from tf seems to me like cutting willingly a part of one's own body :(