My life story of trauma and misery

[shivatar]

Originally Posted by MattMVS7

You attribute joy and meaning (significance) to your way of thinking. But you must understand here that this is not the case. I explained that significance in our lives comes through a different faculty than our thinking alone. I gave an example with how my favorite songs became nothing more than insignificant streams of noise and how thinking to myself that these songs are still significant did nothing. Thinking that your life is significant and actually perceiving your life as significant are two different things just as how thinking that you can see is different than actually seeing. Therefore, this says that the significance in our lives does not come through our way of thinking alone. It instead comes about through a different faculty (a faculty that was shut down during my time of misery).

My absence of significance in my life during my time of misery was not due to my way of thinking alone; it was due to the altered state I was in due to my misery which shut down that faculty of my brain that allowed me to perceive my life as significant. When you are in an altered state, your way of thinking alone cannot get you out of it. You instead have to wait until the altered state can restore itself back to normal.

ORRRR. just another possibility. you have grown and there is no back to normal because your interests have changed with time and experience.

[MattMVS7]

Originally Posted by shivatar

ORRRR. just another possibility. you have grown and there is no back to normal because your interests have changed with time and experience.

I have recovered from that miserable experience and all the significance in my life is almost fully restored as of now. So what you pointed out was not it. I was right the entire time.

[shivatar]

Originally Posted by CelestialSphere

It is possible to find joy in life again, it is hard but trust me it is possible simply believe in it. Thats how i started...slowely every day i tried to find something at a day that i liked and with everyday i found something more. I know what it means if your "life" is taken from you. I was almost 2 decades abused of my parents, didnt knew what it means a life without that pain. One day i got the strength to break away, had a mental break down and wasnt able to live on my own. I was scared to social contact since i was kept of every outside contact eccept school but i was hideing it because i was scared. I was even scared to leave a house since every enfluence of it was just to much to me. I was in mental heath care for several years where even hope was given up that my state ever could become better. Yeah might not be the happiest person out here but who is it?! Believe me none. There is no perfect life especially no life without pain. I could cry now every day of my broken life but i dont, yet there are phases of grief of course i admit but there are these days i can experience satisfaction and peace of mind to. I told myself every day and still do every morning im awake : today is a good day. Before sleeping: tomorrow will be the best day of my life. Put every expectations aside a day might bring because this thougt may change your life, how you see and perceive it. There are so many things to be greatful for hence it is just a smile of the casheer of your groggery store etc. If you just think of the pain and injustice which has been caused within you, you will become the man8festation of it and live trough it again and again as a nightmare which never ends. You only you can end it, if you allow yourself to accept the pain and trying to make the best with that is left. Even with briks you still can build, maybe not the biggest tower but a stable fundament of a building which can stand its storm.

matt doesn't believe in the power of perception lol, they'll tell you that their brain is beyond help so it's not even worth trying. they've tried before, even though they tried nothing worked. All hope is lost.

[shivatar]

Originally Posted by MattMVS7

I have recovered from that miserable experience and all the significance in my life is almost fully restored as of now. So what you pointed out was not it. I was right the entire time.

Ok well when it returns you tell me if you win round 2 as well.

[MattMVS7]

Originally Posted by shivatar

Ok well when it returns you tell me if you win round 2 as well.

But let's pretend I had to live my entire life in that miserable state and never recovered from it, then my life could never be worth living at all since there would be no joy or meaning (significance) at all since that faculty would always remain shut down.

[shivatar]

Originally Posted by MattMVS7

But let's pretend I had to live my entire life in that miserable state and never recovered from it, then my life could never be worth living at all since there would be no joy or meaning (significance) at all since that faculty would always remain shut down.

Doesn't mean you would be able to find a way to stop living.
there are states of existence similar to that of a ghost, not alive, not dead.

I used to think I was in hell because I wanted death but I lacked the conviction to carry it out. I was trapped between not wanting to live, not seeing any reason to live, and not having the strength to want death either.

I was not wanting to live, not wanting to die, not wanting to do anything; but I was being forced along by the urge to survive, I didn't want to be homeless either so I survived and worked enough to avoid being homeless.

[MattMVS7]

Originally Posted by shivatar

Doesn't mean you would be able to find a way to stop living.
there are states of existence similar to that of a ghost, not alive, not dead.

I used to think I was in hell because I wanted death but I lacked the conviction to carry it out. I was trapped between not wanting to live, not seeing any reason to live, and not having the strength to want death either.

I was not wanting to live, not wanting to die, not wanting to do anything; but I was being forced along by the urge to survive, I didn't want to be homeless either so I survived and worked enough to avoid being homeless.

Well, as for me, I would definitely go through ending my life if I had to live in such a miserable state. The complete absence of joy and meaning and the sheer misery in my life would compel me to go through with ending my life.

[CelestialSphere]

Originally Posted by shivatar

matt doesn't believe in the power of perception lol, they'll tell you that their brain is beyond help so it's not even worth trying. they've tried before, even though they tried nothing worked. All hope is lost.

Back then when i was at the state of mind "mysery and lost hope" i didnt believed either. One day i just was feed up of being depressed and then i wanted a change. Until someone with such a state of mind doesnt have the need for a change nothing you say will help i agree. Maybe they'll remember it one day and make use of it, i needed to figure it myself. It is true you are that you think, i experienced it and some periods of times i do still fall back but the mind in my opinion is like a tool, we just have to feed it with the "right imput", there is it where a change starts. Many rater take the role of the victim out of habit, especially people that experienced a lot of painful impacts. I learned that emphaty into the external as example listening what others have to tell about their life, that everyone carries a sort of pain within them. I realized hey im in no means alone, often we feel like we are the only ones to suffer but thats simply not the case. It is possible to regain strength and will to live, life doesnt offer to us something we arent able to take. I know many things arent to justify, but we only can grow stronger and in my experience people which are able to overcome such hurdles are very strong people!

[shivatar]

Originally Posted by MattMVS7

Well, as for me, I would definitely go through ending my life if I had to live in such a miserable state. The complete absence of joy and meaning and the sheer misery in my life would compel me to go through with ending my life.

It's yours to do with what you want to if that day ever comes. fix the solution or give up, theres always a choice.

[CelestialSphere]

Add; sorry edited the wronge quote


There are people which live in a far greater misery, but you are healthy at least physical, you got food, you got people which care, got a place to live, peace in your country... some people have none of it and haveing far more reason then go end their life but they do not, they get up in the early morning fighting, trying to survive to see another day but they are thankful for all there is. It starts at appreciateing the things you got not these which you are missing ;)