... OK ... Eggs collected ...
(Yes yes, I know they are not on the diet, but no convictions here) ... Veggies watered and Land Lord giving notice ... talk about Synchronicities! I'm happy I will have time to put in my potatoes!!!
Basically I popped into the Buddhist center and left a note for the lady I was to meet that morning I freaked out and did not turn up as I said I would.
I thought long and hard about the "No Big Deal Factor"
... I even explained to the person that I left the note with just about that point ... I felt I owed it to her to apologize if not to express my insecurities. I felt better for doing so.
I managed to catch up to my friend whom took me there and to my surprise he said he was also struggling with his own convictions with regard to conflicting Christian Doctrine and so on. He was having unsettling dreams. I could only say I was experiencing similar although I tended to steer it away from the "spiritual warfare concept", as that often only leads to more fear ... instead I expressed my focus towards needing to move on and at the same time apologized to my friend for having gossiped that "he" should let go of his Christian circles and decide in which circle he is to stand. I know there is Irony in that sentence as I still feel having a foot in each camp, while seemingly makes us feel open, can at the same time screw with our minds.
Whilst we both kept talking about how much we were screwed up with the fear from our Christian beliefs, I kept searching in my mind as to why I felt such a need to cut my ties from once concept before evaluating another ... especially considering that the opposing view was hard in prayer against my efforts to search for enlightenment to begin with...AKA, my loving parents...God Bless Em
...
You know the last time I saw them ... recently ... I handed my step Dad an envelope. Inside it was a Buddhist Totem that I had hanging over my rear view mirror. Written on the envelope was "Thank You for your Prayers, I am blessed to have such caring parents as you" My friend whom took me to the Buddhist center still jokes about my parent ridicule of me and my willingness to give into them. This sadden me that my friend thinks like so ... as too my wife ... I tried to explain the reason I gave the envelope was not so much because of my fear for searching elsewhere, but out of respect and my own sorrow to see them so concerned ... however I do admit that so strong has been the ridicule from not only my parents, but from the stirct and cultish Christian upbring that I am in fact still struggling to walk toward what light I see outside those set boundaries.
None the less ... I shall continue ... Strive ... to remain open ... to be honest and so on. Perhaps I need to hold back and not be so open, however I do genuinely feel that the suffering I have been subjected to has left me feeling rather ... NOT as hung up as others, when I am so open ... This kind of makes me think about my homelessness days.
Forgive me as I have had a little ale tonight ... however am glad to have opened up a little more. Take care and if you don't mind ... I will be thankful for any prayer from anyone if it could be given with as much reverence as my own parents.
Take Care
Dave.... ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Armi ... toe foo .......or however it goes.....was listening to it throughout out this post ;) ... shalom and God Bless.
...... I didn't even know We had them, hehe.
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