Soul Connection Unease - Caught in Limbo

[Natively Libran]

Originally Posted by july14

What if you went for it without addressing at. As in, just let it flow without immediately talking about it and see where it takes you.
Also humour can often help too. Like find the right time, when you just pop the question, but in a humorous way?

Going for it without addressing it sounds so good! But I don't even know how I'd do it. I have a horrible poker face, he'd know immediately that something was up! And then he'd press me and the whole truth will come bursting out and I'd assume he'd pull a disappearing act again and yeah around the merry go round we go. He does this, he presses for the truth because he needs to hear it, but once he gets it, he doesn't know what to do with it. It becomes to much for him to process. It's even harder for me to let it out. I keep telling myself, we can't heal what we don't allow ourselves to feel. We have to feel the pain from our past, we have to accept and acknowledge it in order to move on and let go. Easier said then done.

I definitely like the idea of using humor. Though my humor tends to be so sarcastic it burns. But I'll do my best to be tame with him!

[july14]

Originally Posted by Natively Libran

Going for it without addressing it sounds so good! But I don't even know how I'd do it. I have a horrible poker face, he'd know immediately that something was up! And then he'd press me and the whole truth will come bursting out and I'd assume he'd pull a disappearing act again and yeah around the merry go round we go. He does this, he presses for the truth because he needs to hear it, but once he gets it, he doesn't know what to do with it. It becomes to much for him to process. It's even harder for me to let it out. I keep telling myself, we can't heal what we don't allow ourselves to feel. We have to feel the pain from our past, we have to accept and acknowledge it in order to move on and let go. Easier said then done.

I definitely like the idea of using humor. Though my humor tends to be so sarcastic it burns. But I'll do my best to be tame with him!

Dont over complicate it. Like next time ur together and the tension is there again, look at him with a grin, and say, so for how much longer do we want to hide behind our little finger?
And when he asks what u mean, just say, i dont know, just theres this tension between us...grin again...are we gonna do something abt it?

:)

[Natively Libran]

Originally Posted by YS1YS2

So, maybe you should find out WHY you keep pretending, what is holding you back?

This is a good question, one I've been avoiding answering because I honestly didn't want to face that reality. The reason why I initially pretended with him was because I was afraid to be real and honest. I didn't want to scare him, and I didn't want to overwhelm myself through revealing things I've held in for years, like resentment, pain and frustration, when I hadn't found peace with all of that yet. I've come to realize, I might not be able to find peace with it until I've addressed it with him. It's the only thing standing in between us and what could be a future together. This haunting truth, that surrounds our past which I haven't gone into detail about because I'm still grappling with it. I told myself I'll never go back, I don't ever want to be in that place again, because it was so painful. The memories and the pain run so deep. But he's the only that can understand because he was there too. He let me down, and dropped the ball, and it's a hard truth to swallow. Now he's back and we've got unfinished business, and it tough to deal with. I've got my work cut out for me.

[Natively Libran]

Originally Posted by july14

Dont over complicate it. Like next time ur together and the tension is there again, look at him with a grin, and say, so for how much longer do we want to hide behind our little finger?
And when he asks what u mean, just say, i dont know, just theres this tension between us...grin again...are we gonna do something abt it?

:)

Haha! This is too funny. I'll try it out! He's going to have a heart attack right on the spot because he hates surprises! I'll make sure to meet him at a location near a hospital.

[Ninjajms]

NatLib-i have found that in the journey of the tf-especially when they leave-it brings up every kind of unfinished grief that you experienced in your life-and I so resonate when you talk about not wanting to go there because it is overwhelming..........the thing I really admire about you is your ability to consistently face the things you'd rather not-it is apparent in your posts. you also have an honesty about yourself-but the best characteristic I've noticed about you is your ability to look at something within yourself while keeping your emotions out of it-its almost like you are objective with yourself-much in the way we are objective when a friend comes to us and discusses her problems-we can be objective to our friend-you do this with yourself.

I am greatful for this forum because it has been a great source of comfort for me during a time that I thought I was going to die of a broken heart from the tf experience. I never knew I was capable of loving her as much as I did-and still do, but its different today.

[YS.]

Originally Posted by Natively Libran

This is a good question, one I've been avoiding answering because I honestly didn't want to face that reality. The reason why I initially pretended with him was because I was afraid to be real and honest. I didn't want to scare him, and I didn't want to overwhelm myself through revealing things I've held in for years, like resentment, pain and frustration, when I hadn't found peace with all of that yet. I've come to realize, I might not be able to find peace with it until I've addressed it with him. It's the only thing standing in between us and what could be a future together. This haunting truth, that surrounds our past which I haven't gone into detail about because I'm still grappling with it. I told myself I'll never go back, I don't ever want to be in that place again, because it was so painful. The memories and the pain run so deep. But he's the only that can understand because he was there too. He let me down, and dropped the ball, and it's a hard truth to swallow. Now he's back and we've got unfinished business, and it tough to deal with. I've got my work cut out for me.

I smiled... You know why? ( and I may be wrong!) , it's your proud little ice queen protesting... And whispering in your ear " he could ignore, reject, hurt again" . I think the addressing is hard but not the toughest, it's what might come after....don't get me wrong!! I probably wouldnt have the guts, so I think you are very,very brave!

[Natively Libran]

Originally Posted by Ninjajms

NatLib-i have found that in the journey of the tf-especially when they leave-it brings up every kind of unfinished grief that you experienced in your life-and I so resonate when you talk about not wanting to go there because it is overwhelming..........the thing I really admire about you is your ability to consistently face the things you'd rather not-it is apparent in your posts. you also have an honesty about yourself-but the best characteristic I've noticed about you is your ability to look at something within yourself while keeping your emotions out of it-its almost like you are objective with yourself-much in the way we are objective when a friend comes to us and discusses her problems-we can be objective to our friend-you do this with yourself.

I am greatful for this forum because it has been a great source of comfort for me during a time that I thought I was going to die of a broken heart from the tf experience. I never knew I was capable of loving her as much as I did-and still do, but its different today.

You're too kind Ninjajms. I really appreciate your support and insights. This forum has definitely been a place of great support and guidance for me as well, and I'm so grateful to get to share my experiences with others and to grow and learn from this difficult journey. Thanks again!

[Natively Libran]

Originally Posted by YS.

I smiled... You know why? ( and I may be wrong!) , it's your proud little ice queen protesting... And whispering in your ear " he could ignore, reject, hurt again" . I think the addressing is hard but not the toughest, it's what might come after....don't get me wrong!! I probably wouldnt have the guts, so I think you are very,very brave!

Yes! You hit the target here! It is the ice queen in me not wanting to cross into the same murky waters with this man again. I'm trying to protect myself, or at least give my self some time to heal and acknowledge the past, so when he and I have to confront it head on, I won't be so scared and overwhelmed, and angry with him. I'm sure any resentment I have towards him, doesn't even compare to the anger he holds towards himself. The truth is I know we've both changed and we are not the same people we used to be. I guess the ambivalence within me is looking for confirmation of the change. He's very elusive in discussions which makes it difficult, and I'm too nervous to ask the important questions. I'm trying to be patient, and loosen my expectations because only time will tell. I appreciate your support and insights! I'm going to try to be as brave as possible!

[LadyMay]

Are you sure you're not just trying to recreate the past? Often when we get back with SC's after a period of separation things aren't the same again, they change. Sometimes things can become better than the way they were before but there's a period of readjustment that needs to take place and it's not always successful...

So just be careful you're not trying to make it into what it once was and really asses how it is today and whether anything can actually become of it at this stage.

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by Natively Libran

This is a good question, one I've been avoiding answering because I honestly didn't want to face that reality. The reason why I initially pretended with him was because I was afraid to be real and honest. I didn't want to scare him, and I didn't want to overwhelm myself through revealing things I've held in for years, like resentment, pain and frustration, when I hadn't found peace with all of that yet. I've come to realize, I might not be able to find peace with it until I've addressed it with him. It's the only thing standing in between us and what could be a future together. This haunting truth, that surrounds our past which I haven't gone into detail about because I'm still grappling with it. I told myself I'll never go back, I don't ever want to be in that place again, because it was so painful. The memories and the pain run so deep. But he's the only that can understand because he was there too. He let me down, and dropped the ball, and it's a hard truth to swallow. Now he's back and we've got unfinished business, and it tough to deal with. I've got my work cut out for me.

Finding oneself in spiritual/physical 'limbo' is a natural experience for an individual enduring through significant internal growth - and this will happen regardless of whether or not there is another person in the picture. It's like you're walkng in two worlds at the same time, one foot in each - and this creates a period of feeling disoriented and feeling uncertainty, because you're not sure which direction to go. There is the familiarity of the old, physical-based identity and way of being, yet a understanding of its inadequacy and a longing to 'go beyond' that state of being. Then there is the fear and uneasiness surrounding letting go of your old identity and sense of self in order to head into the uncharted waters/territory of fully embracing your emerging spiritual nature and allowing it to become your new identity and sense of self. Surrender to the process and go beyond yourself, or stay attached to and hold onto what is old and familiar? That is the dilemma that inevitably surfaces, and you have to make a choice as to which direction to proceed.

The deep-seeded pain you speak of. I know it's a daunting task, but it will remain with you and continue to affect/influence you until you reach the point where you are ready to consciously confront/acknowledge it, upon which it must be experienced in order to finally be released (purged). So yes, you need to intimately re-experience that pain in order to finally let go of it and transcend it - freeing/liberating yourself in the process. Significant internal/spiritual growth is a process of purification and for this to transpire we must clear our emotional blockages and release the emotional energy we had accumulated and stored from life experiences in our past. In a sense it's like pulling off a bandaid - you know in advance it's going to hurt, but the pain will only be temporary and you know that it needs to be done. You can find the courage to address this deep-seeded pain by acknowledging and reminding yourself that you need to go through this in order to help yourself and to ultimately free yourself from it's influence over your well-being. You need to go through this difficult/challenging period in order to become liberated. If you are interested, there is an excellent book which goes into very clear and concise detail about the nature of the release of emotional energy - it's called 'The Untethered Soul' (Michael Singer), maybe you are familiar with it. I'll see if I can add a quote or two to this post once I submit it. I feel that closely examining and contemplating this process of emotional clearing/purging/release would serve to boost your courage and confidence to go through with what needs to be done. The pain is not a permanent fixture, it's not your identity or true nature. You exist above and beyond, and independent of that pain.