how do you let go? - Page 2

kindheart · #11 07-12-2011, 04:28 AM

Your son was beautiful silvergirl...

Silver · #12 07-12-2011, 05:32 AM

Thank you so much, kindheart.

#13 07-12-2011, 09:17 AM

Hi kindheart,

Yes, losing a relationship is a loss, just like a death. Grief has not time frames, take all the time you need. You will go through similar stages...Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Again, no time frames...

I lost a loved one and after a few months, we were told to "let it go", "move on" and "get over it"...a friend who helps with grief said...no, there's no timeframe. What people can do to help you is just listen.

All the feelings that you are feeling are natural, its all ok.

You will go through it at your own pace. There are some folks who lost a loved one decades ago and a scent or a place will remind them of the person...important not to stuff the feeling (it won't go away)...honor and cherish the moment...

Over time...it will become less intense.

As someone else shared---yes, have lots of self-compassion, self-love time for you. Be tender with yourself. Do things that will give you joy (one small step at a time). You don't have to keep it all together and orderly...all will be well and work itself out...

Blessings of LOVE being sent to you...

psychoslice · #14 07-12-2011, 09:18 AM

Love lets go, fear clings.

Sarian · #15 07-12-2011, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kindheart

thank you for your replies. your was quite helpful, FHTF. But like Silvergirl mentioned, it's more the fact that I lost someone, and a very meaningful relationship, that hurts at the moment and that makes me unhappy, not being single per se. (so sorry about your loss silvergirl... xox) I'm ok being single, and honestly I don't know that I would even have time for a boyfriend right now lol. But I'm mourning his loss, the end of something I thought was beautiful. And I'm very unhappy in this. I miss him so much.... I miss what we had (or thought we had, I guess...).

I figure I will find happiness if/when he comes back, or if someone even better comes to me and takes my mind and love away from my ex. At the moment though, even if the perfect person came along, I would not be in a state to start dating because I'm still too hooked on my ex. I can't think of him without crying. he`s a beautiful person even if he doesnt think he is. I wish I was done grieving, I wish I didn`t miss him so much...

I like what Psychoslice said, Love lets go, fear clings. It may sound harsh, but I can really relate to what you are going through and feeling as I've gone through it before, and even now, as he did come back, there's that fear it will happen all over again...fear doesn't want to let go and fear will devour you. Please don't put your happiness on him, the only way you can be happy... You are going through a mourning and one day you will wake up and realize that it's been some time since you stopped mourning. Try to change your thoughts when you think as you stated above "I figure I will find happiness if/when he comes back, or if someone even better comes to me..." You can't let your happiness depend on another person. My ex expected me to be the one to make him happy. He demanded and commanded that I do this for him...and when I was dying in the relationship because of his awful treatment of me...it was nearly impossible to make him happy. I was suffocating, nothing was ever enough..nothing ever came my way, if I asked for a day in the park with the kids, it was what are you going to do for me! Anyway, he could not get past the fact that i was not responsible for his happiness. It's a relationship killer too if you can't find happiness within yourself first. You won't ever learn how to be okay with just yourself.

I do feel your pain and understand it though.

#16 07-12-2011, 02:17 PM

You can appreciate how this is making you feel & realize it is an active choice about how you feel. What if he never gets to the point where he is willing to let go of his past hurt? Are you going to make the rest of your life a memorial to HIS issues? You can’t do all that much about how he thinks aside from letting him know he has the power to drop it, but you CAN do quite a bit about how you react about it.

Practically all of us have had past romantic relationships that didn't work out that were hurtful. This is life & part of growing up emotionally.

Move on. Date others. Have fun. There's allot of great guys out there that would love to have a steady girlfriend. Actively think about how long you are willing to mourn this relationship. 10 years? 20 years. Do you want to wake up at 40 or 50 & realize he has not moved any further towards doing his own healing? If he decides he wants to grow up emotionally & gets over this past girlfriend & wants to get back together, fine, but until then, don't waste any time looking back. The choice is yours.

kindheart · #17 07-12-2011, 07:22 PM

And this is why I'm asking how do I let go.... It's not happening. I guess it's still normal to feel this way as the break up happened less than 2 months ago, but still. I do not want to date right now not because I'm hoping for my ex to come back (even though I do hope he does), but because I'm not ready to date. Dating someone when not ready is just putting a bandaid on the pain. There;s no point in dating if I can't love the person, and right now, I wouldn't be able to love a new person. I just want to let go of my ex and be happy :(

kindheart · #18 07-12-2011, 07:25 PM

I try so hard to keep my thoughts positive, to raise my vibrations, to manifest happiness, and a new love. I want to share my love with someone and being loved back. I want someone with whom I can connect, laugh, love... even cry. I want to share my life with someone, go on trips, get married, have a family... but it's like i'm fooling myself thinking i'm ok and that everything will turn out for the best, because at the end of the day, i just come home and cry and I'm still missing him

#19 08-12-2011, 01:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kindheart

I try so hard to keep my thoughts positive, to raise my vibrations, to manifest happiness, and a new love. I want to share my love with someone and being loved back. I want someone with whom I can connect, laugh, love... even cry. I want to share my life with someone, go on trips, get married, have a family... but it's like i'm fooling myself thinking i'm ok and that everything will turn out for the best, because at the end of the day, i just come home and cry and I'm still missing him

That's the Happy Face Sticker method. Never really works.

You have to acknowledge that where you are is where you are right now. And where you are right now is just the beginning of a new journey, it's temporary. So no need to freak out if you pass through a dark tunnel on your way to your destination. It doesn't even matter where you start your journey, because you can from wherever you are go to wherever you want. And you won't arrive at a final destination anyway, on your way you have new experiences, you will modify your destination over and over again.

Don't get too specific too soon. Don't try too big of a jump, you will only land in the ditch.

kindheart · #20 08-12-2011, 02:31 AM

Thank you guys :) And thank you FHTF :) How are you so wise? lol I guess I'm gonna try to just be, acknowledge my feelings, accept that this is the situation at the moment and that this is how I feel as a result of it. Trying to hurry the process may not be better. Maybe later, once I feel better, I can work on manifesting?