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Originally Posted by struggling_sadhaka
One of the healers once told me this:-
A soulmate is not strictly the concept of ur life partner, sometimes it may be a close friend of u. Also ones soulmate sometimes may be ones sister or brother. Soulmate just means something same (may be behaviour or something) in common to two people on the soul level.
One feels a strong feeling/urge to enter a realationship when one has found a soulmate. Some people have many soulmates not limited to one.
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I have read that.
I met her through a mutual friend, she was his "woman." She got "intense vibes" from me when she met me as she called it, and asked for my number from him several months later in order to contact me, which she did. After that phone call (a small discussion) I felt something familiar too and in my heart area specifically (she did too.) It was a very friendly feeling, as if connecting with an old friend. Since that day I stopped craving junk or food to fulfill me, stopped self-pleasuring myself, or listening to heavy music...listened to very soft songs and felt them after that, and etc.
I tried to stop it with logic but it was impossible and frankly I didn't want to lose this feeling that followed me ever since, but I kept thinking about her. It affected as an outward spiral my whole world in a positive way and I became a changed person. I dreamed about her in a fashion where it was very intense and I will admit "romantically" (we even kissed) and woke up thinking "what the f**k." The problem was she was in a relationship with my friend, plus had my own uncertainties because "on the ground" it appeared to be different. So I didn't act, MANY times where my soul itself was called to, and eventually the regret was out of this world (am certain I have betrayed something very divine and Ancient.) So I went mad, it all turned into a delusion and pain, and when I tried 'fixing' things later, I blew up all my relationships, again as a outward spiral. I wasn't myself because I betrayed part of myself.
"On the ground" a relationship perhaps wasn't in the cards, and she is just a very old soul who is paralleling with me (or used to.) But I feel as if I have held within me 'a piece of the puzzle' that was my purpose in this lifetime to manifest through me (my Divine Masculine, although I am not certain if this is the right terminology.) By keeping it to myself, I suffered. And at this point after going nuts and obsessive because of it, I don't see "how" to fix this, but perhaps not seeing how is better this way.
It is difficult and maybe impossible to put into words what took place, and the Judgement I felt from the higher planes for not doing "my job." But you can see, in a way, why I have such trouble letting go. I DO have to turn from the inside out, and became who I am once again. It's just a lot of maya (illusion) manifested to sort through.
And yes, I do have to take responsibility for my actions. All I want is the Truth though, and I have such a hard time accepting that ALL was my own projections and had nothing to do with the other person. But how would they know and recognize the higher truth, if I have not shown up? And kept it to myself not manifesting it instead.
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