On Conception and Abortions --- From A Spiritist Perspective

Originally Posted by Altair

Hey Elfin.. I just read your story. You're clearly not at fault. I think you are a wonderful person because even now you still think about this child.
I think it says a lot about you that you feel this way. It is a strength and I hope you can view it that way too.

Hi Altair.. and thank you so much. Of course I will never feel worthy of people being kind to me over this. But I do appreciate it. Yes, this child was very loved and still is. Due to circumstance I had to "do as I was told"... And I should not say this, not really, but I can't forgive the fact that that I was given no support , from anyone. And as much as I suffered , my baby suffered more. That is something I live with. But thank you so much for your kind words..

Originally Posted by Elfin

Hi Asearcher... Thank you. I don't even know how I had the strength to speak about this as I feel it is such a shameful experience , and not someone one would wish to highlight. The father of the child beat me when I told him. It was winter, it was outside in the ice and snow. He punched me in the face to the ground. He waited until I got up, then punched me back to the ground, over and over . But I did not feel it you see because my face was so numb from the cold. If he had stood by me and supported me , the baby would have born. We would have managed. But given the fact that he did not wish to know, and I would have been out on the streets by my father , in the gutter with no where to live and no money , how could I raise a child. So I was dragged to the doctor's to get it "sorted". And no, sadly my relationship with my parents never improved. The victim being in all of this , my child. Whom I love dearly to this day. I just hope he is happy wherever he went next x

God what a monster he was to do that to you and knowing you were expecting his child...and then your father on top of that...I think confessions like yours are so important and it is such that can dig deep holes in ones heart and spirit, and to finally tell it can help to set one free. I sometimes wonder how some beautiful spirits/people happen to be joined together with some that are just darn out awful in their attitude to their fellow beings. They did not deserve you, Elfin, nor your beautiful baby. I think when they have died and have it all figured out this will be a moment of shame for them.

In one of my past lives I saw a small child..and then again...and again...and I saw the background story which was that I was a female and got pregnant but was really way too young and not married..., but the beauty of it is that I remember my father in that life came to look for me. And he cried out my name. That was when I first time could remember my name back then. It cut me to the core, I could remember his pain, his sorrow, his fear, and his love. All in that cry. I was in despair, hiding away. I woke up from it teary stained.

And when I put many small pieces of memories together and did the research and thought I had finally found her there was still one problem - there was no information that she had a child...Not until I came across an official report. There it was. The child, of the gender I had remembered, had been born out of wedlock when she was really young and she and her father had kept it, all living under his roof (and he wasn't exactly rich). He hadn't thrown her out. I could also follow that this continued - the child stayed with the family and was given names from the grandfather's side of the family. Even if this was a big disgrace her father certainly had his values straight. But perhaps in another past life he didn't and he made a painful mistake that his spirit corrected in the other life time. I think that is what happens when one can suddenly chose to go the opposite direction of what the main stream consider is right, when one brush it off, when one see what really matters. When one knows in ones heart what is the right thing to do. In those days poverty was really breathing in one's neck and people already poor afraid to get even more poor and the church and society attitude did not exactly help women in trouble, it was all on them instead and they were outcast and so were their child.

All honor to you Elfin. Your story is heartbreaking. It is so tragic that you and your baby were the ones to pay the price for their weakness.

Originally Posted by asearcher

God what a monster he was to do that to you and knowing you were expecting his child...and then your father on top of that...I think confessions like yours are so important and it is such that can dig deep holes in ones heart and spirit, and to finally tell it can help to set one free. I sometimes wonder how some beautiful spirits/people happen to be joined together with some that are just darn out awful in their attitude to their fellow beings. They did not deserve you, Elfin, nor your beautiful baby. I think when they have died and have it all figured out this will be a moment of shame for them.

In one of my past lives I saw a small child..and then again...and again...and I saw the background story which was that I was a female and got pregnant but was really way too young and not married...I thought I would be married but the boyfriend's family did not approve and I guess he caved in..., but the beauty of it is that I remember my father in that life came to look for me. And he cried out my name. That was when I first time could remember my name back then. It cut me to the core, I could remember his pain, his sorrow, his fear, and his love. All in that cry. At the time as I had this remembrance I did not know what it meant. I only woke up from it teary stained.

And when I put many small puzzles together and did the research and thought I had found her there was still one problem - there was no information that she had a child...Not until I came across an official report. There it was. The child, of the gender I had remembered, had been born out of wedlock when she was really young and she and her father had kept it, all living under his roof (and he wasn't exactly rich). He hadn't thrown her out. I could also follow that this continued - the child stayed with the family and was given names from his grandfather's side of the family. Even if this was a big disgrace her father certainly had his values straight. But perhaps in another past life he didn't and he made a painful mistake that his spirit corrected in the other life time. I think that is what happens when one can suddenly chose to go the opposite direction of the road many others has taken of what they consider is right, when one brush it off what other people chose to think so important and when one see what really matters. When one knows in ones heart what is the right thing to do.

All honor to you Elfin.

Thank you searched so much. I prepared to be verbally "stoned" to death over this. I felt it may have sente packing off the forum. But I knew I needed to be brave and tell it, because it is my truth, and I could not hide away from that fact. It's no good harbouring secrets. Do you know what hurt more that the babys father besting me?.. several years later I read an announcement of delight from him and his partner celebrating the birth of their "first" child. I swear I wanted to send her a letter and say "actually love , this is his Second child".. But then again that is never the way forward either. And yes.. one day, when we all see the error of our ways, and have to learn from it, truths will be shown. Having said that, I too have lessons to learn for I have made my own share of mistakes...x

Sorry for all spelling errors.

[BigJohn]

Originally Posted by Elfin

Thank you searched so much. I prepared to be verbally "stoned" to death over this. I felt it may have sente packing off the forum. But I knew I needed to be brave and tell it, because it is my truth, and I could not hide away from that fact. It's no good harbouring secrets. Do you know what hurt more that the babys father besting me?.. several years later I read an announcement of delight from him and his partner celebrating the birth of their "first" child. I swear I wanted to send her a letter and say "actually love , this is his Second child".. But then again that is never the way forward either. And yes.. one day, when we all see the error of our ways, and have to learn from it, truths will be shown. Having said that, I too have lessons to learn for I have made my own share of mistakes...x

Elfin ,

I thought I should point out to you that you did not make any mistakes.

As an Old Soul, you have demonstrated that even in this life, you have learned not just to forgive but you have allowed yourself to love.

Many hugs to you.

Originally Posted by BigJohn

Elfin ,

I thought I should point out to you that you did not make any mistakes.

As an Old Soul, you have demonstrated that even in this life, you have learned not just to forgive but you have allowed yourself to love.

Many hugs to you.

Oh John... What would I have ever done without you? Thank you.

[linen53]

Ditto what the others say Elfin. Much love.

I've heard stories of reunions after one dies and meets up with their children that were taken from them in this way.

[linen53]

You were so brave to tell all.

Originally Posted by linen53

You were so brave to tell all.

Thank you Deb, so very much. Even I couldn't believe I wrote it! I'm usually such a coward. My biggest wish for him is that he was born to a couple that had desperately been praying for a child , and he was their "miracle"... (I say "he" as I have only ever thought of him as a boy). He will never be forgotten. I still have so much love for him. And I have cried so much in these last few days... But realistically I do need to allow some healing for myself too. X

Elfin your mailbox appears to be full - time to empty some stuff.