Hi Sweetie!

[FallingLeaves]

it seems in vogue
to try to 'vibrate'
the correct way
to attract prosperity

or at least to pray
for prosperity

people say such things
just assuming
everyone should want one

but none will ever
address the question
of why I should?

why is it so important
to go to all that effort
just to attract wealth?

because honestly
I'm happy the way I am
why should I be greddy
and want more?

[FallingLeaves]

so
he felt a 'tug'
from someone
he recently met.

Just wishes
it could actually mean something
other than that he is going to get kicked
for a change...

[FallingLeaves]

they'd been
reminding him
of
'the girl who could do no wrong'
recently

wonders idly
how she is doing?

[FallingLeaves]

he must have been
a really awful person
in other lifetimes

he means
if it is true
and you only get back
what you put out

the way people treat him
speaks volumes
about the way
he must have behaved

(shudders)

[FallingLeaves]

he can't remember
if he said this
before

once
he was wandering around
looking for a home...

and the homeless cast him out.

pretty sad when the people at the rock bottom of the world
put you below even them...

[FallingLeaves]

he decided
he's not
reaching out
to females
again

and they can't reach out to him

just another excuse to be alone.

[FallingLeaves]

apparently
the girl
who tugged his heart
was someone
he said no to in another life

so

he can just expect
her
to turn it around on him now
just like everyone else does.

He was right
this life was never worth anything
-----------------------------------------------


he thought he had to do this oblique communication
thing
like
he had no choice
if he wanted anything at all

but it has always hurt

because

it always leaves the door open
for the other person to randomly reject him
so he's always on edge
because his experience is
no matter what they say about their intentions
that is exactly what they will do.

but
apparently
he does have a choice:
just do without

it is looking like a good choice
now

sigh.

[FallingLeaves]

he guesses
he's just going to have to accept
this idea
that he can be going about
more or less
minding his own business

only to have someone he thought nice
suddenly decide to come spit in his face.

Not that he has to continue to like such people
though...

[FallingLeaves]

he feels kinda pigheaded
and kinda stupid
like he's pulling his usual stunts
and just stonewalling people

but then again
well she told him she didn't like him
that he didn't listen is on him
but he doesn't have to
keep not listening

we can't do this both ways
can't have him not liked
and still running around trying to be liked

that just gets him killed.

she doesn't like him
that is it
end of story.

sigh...

[FallingLeaves]

so
he's not good
because
any curmedgeon can claim that
and many do
so what meaning have the words?

and
because
jesus said none of us are good
aside from god
no not one

and
because
anyway
complacency
and thinking one is better than one is
is an awful disease to have.

and anyway
he doesn't believe in
the things others believe in
which is the very definition of 'bad'

so he is not good

he doesn't want others
to be like him
because
practically speaking
any time
he shares
whatever he worked so hard to find
they take it completely
out of his hands
and send him off
to the land of the dead
once again

he's tired of that

he doesn't want to ascend
having heard
(and maybe even seen for himself)
that there are a lot of evil beings
masquerading as good beings
in all the high places.

in his view
people don't know the trouble
they are asking for
when they ask to ascend...

Besides
people are mean
any time
he even tries

and it isn't like
he hasn't found something meaningful
he could be doing
aside from simply going along
with what is socially desirable

anyway,
if they are just going to be mean
what is the point?