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[learning to heal]

I half want to scream. Half want to cry. Half want to hurt myself in rage. Half want to be hugged. Half want to be held whilst I break free from myself. I want to be contained. I want it to be ok. I want everything to be ok. I just really want everything to be ok. And it's just so hard, to be ok. I feel torn and pulled in so many directions at once and I'm screaming hey- heY- HEY I'm IN HERE!!! I am a person and I am real.... Please believe me... I AM able to feel and I am hurting so much. So much that it's covered all of my body. That you can't see what I really am. And I need love. I need love. I need love to heal me. It's all over me and who will break into me? Hold me when my walls come crumbling down? You can't, is anyone strong enough for that? I'm a fierce lioness and I'm breaking down. In breaking at the seams and I'm too big to carry. And who says that if I fall I'll be able to get back up? Who says I'll want to? Show some control v........ Nothing has ever hurt more then battling yourself. More then the war inside yourself. More then knowing you are breathing and you have to make this life work but it's just so hard. So hard. So hard when you just can't tell what is really real.