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A realization I had today
Thanks everyone for your thoughtful replies.
I had a realization today about part of why Joe's behavior set off red flags for me:
My parents have never had a good relationship. One of the reasons is because my mom is a very independent person, and my dad can't stand to do anything or go anywhere alone. And I mean that very literally. Even if he's just going to the grocery store down the street or to the ATM, he will want someone to go with him, usually my mom. But if she didn't really want to, he'd ask me and/or my sister to come along (back when we were both living in my parents' house).
If no one wanted to come with him (even though it was just a mundane errand that would take less than 10 minutes, and he could easily do it himself), he would pout, sulk, and make sure we knew how disappointed he was in us for not wanting to come along, even if we were busy doing something else. It just seemed to be his expectation that we'd drop whatever we were doing and do whatever he wanted us to, which has always come across to me as very demanding and controlling.
If this behavior had been limited to going places outside the home, I might have been less bothered by it. But if both my dad and my mom are home, he's always seemed to expect her to be nearby, even if he's not actually talking to her or paying attention to her. For example, he'll be sitting watching TV, and if she goes in another room to do something else, after a while he'll be like, "What are you doing in there?" and will seem to take it personally that she's not in the same room with him. So she will sigh and bring her computer or whatever else she's working on back into the TV room in order to placate him (even if it is more convenient to work on it in the other room).
So my mom essentially has no personal space, and no real "me time," and it clearly bothers her. My dad doesn't seem to "get" that she needs this, and demands that she always be with him, even if he's just staring at the TV. He demands nearly all of her time and space, and this has always seemed very unhealthy and dysfunctional to me.
So I am terrified of ending up in a similar kind of relationship to that, especially since I require a good amount of "me time" and personal space to do my own thing.
And if someone won't stop texting me after I've said I'm busy and in a meeting, and seems to have an expectation that my whole weekend is free to spend with them (when we've only just met), I worry that it could end up becoming like my parents' dysfunctional relationship (if I let it go on long-term).
So I just thought I'd share in case this realization could be helpful to anyone else, and to organize my own thoughts about it.
Wishing love and light to all.
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