i think i was told the name of my soul

ive felt lost, empty, missing and yearning for inner content and peace,a way of being* one with self and all around. I was a teenager when I found discovered my center.* some where I lost that,everything. had no interest in being anything spiritual. I ditched all that I knew. I still knew. I just refused to participate, maybe because when I did find myself. my soul. my spirits content...things started to happen...sleep paralasis..dreams of being possessed(speaking a different language in many voices all in sync...)lots of weird things..i felt like the more knowledge and energy put forth in believing and accepting that this all is here. that spirits or demons ****ed with me more. it got so bad I just stopped. but now. within just a week I had it with feeling alone. I need to be back aligned with my center...and then BOOM all this interest and questions came flooding in..ideas would come out of no where and I would then look further into...this lead to that and before you know it I feel like im pulling into some transitional period...ive been having this reacurring thought...to change my name...nothing I found felt like me. ive searched names on and off for maybe a year maybe more. but this pull to do so has been so much more intense in the last couple days. last night I was looking up baby names to get an idea...I kept being pulled to strange names...very foreign, but to me felt calm and familiar..it was so weird. they were all hindu names. every name I felt was near the name my soul or spirit would be called was hindu. all 9 names. 2 were made up in my mind,and turned out to be real or close to hindu names that already exhisted. makes me wonder if my soul has a type of religion or if maybe my past lives were hindu. I named my son Taj. It took me 3 weeks after he was born to name him. I found the name in some movie credits. I saw the name Taj. I instantly thought.* I don't like it. so that was casually dismissed. but somehow I later came back and decided that that was supposed to be his name. so with time I grew to like it.* My name is Tess. ive always resented the name. it doesn't feel fitting with who*I am, my nature, my one self, my ornate being, existing as a whole..my true self.