Today I went to a shop to buy some candles and I bought two fairies, one for my mom, and other for me. The woman working there looked at me and asked me: do you like stones? I answered I prefered to buy the fairies, but she told me: No i want to give one to you, you are sad... you have your heart broken. She game me a pink quartz. At night I slept with it, I don´t know, it made me feel so in peace that I fell asleep really quick and I had a dream... a dream with an ex from years ago... he was back in my life, and I was not happy, so I let him go. I woke up feeling if I could let this one go, I could let my now ex go too.
During a bit more than one month I have been feeling really sad, really bad, I have been dreaming about him every night and thinking about him every single day, crying and depressed.
From the beginning I started to work in forgiveness and let things go... I made a lot of meditation, I asked God for help... and tonight (here is night) it came to me.
I wrote my ex a "forgiveness" letter. I know he cheated on me, I have realized many things he made bad to me and how much he hurted me... so instead of feeling hate, which I started to feel, I worked on forgiveness and tonight I wrote him a letter and sent it to him. I told him all I forgive, every little thing I forgive... I sent him pure love, light and blessings, thanked him for all beautiful moments and told him I knew he made his best, just like me, and that I have learnt a lot. Of course, I told him I am sorry for my mistakes too, but this time I didn´t say every little thing that I made bad, I did it in the past and he answered me that he did nothing bad, all was my fault... so... i told him this time, i know the mistakes I did and that I am really sorry, I accept my part.
I needed to do that... I needed to send him this letter... to let my past go, because this past was my present, I was living in the past, I was torturing myself and I could not more. I supose it will hurt his pride... but I needed to forgive all he did, specially cheating... I needed to forgive him because he hurted me... and I needed to tell him, to let it go. Selfish? maybe... but it helped me to close the door of my past... forever. I loved him like I never loved before, but I must love myself more, I can´t kill my heart slowly thinking why and why and start to hate... hate is not good, and I prefered to be a selfish woman and send him that letter, that every little parragraph is: I forgive you... and ends with: Light, blessings and pure love to you, than to live with hate and live in the past.
Tomorrow I start a new life... I will move to other country... and I needed to close that door forever that was open and killing my happiness, my present, my life.
People always say, don´t do this, don´t do that... but... today I thought do it, close that door, tell him you forgive him, don´t hate him, send him love and close the door, why to live crying because he cheated on me... when I can close that period of my life. Well... after sending that letter... I felt like... never before... I felt in peace... a kind of peace I needed. When the relation ended, he didn´t want to speak so I had to send him emails in order to get my things back from his house, where I was living... but every time I had to write him, I felt horrible, I cried then and all day... and when I received his answers, full of I don´t love you, even when I didn´t ask for it... I felt a really horrible preassure on my heart, it was going to explode, but today... I feel the opposite, I feel in peace, I forgave him and I forgave myself too... because I could not.
I know it is a really long post... and I don´t know really why I am writing it... but I wanted just to share that sometimes, it is better to let it go with forgiveness, even if we have to write a letter although it can be a bit selfish, that to live with hate and pain...
I feel I have close a door but not only that... I feel also that I have broken something that my soul had with his soul... a bound from past that had to be broken with love and forgiveness...
Thank you all, this forum really helped me, really made me feel better and discover a part of me I didn´t know before I had... and I like it, there is only love and light, no more darness and hate...
Again, thank you
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