What have you done ?

Hello,

I'm struggling today. I would like to hear your experiences.
I am currently in a state of no communication with my SC, he's the runner.

However, today is the 15th anniversary of his brothers death. He committed suicide and I know my SC struggles with this. I know he misses his brother and was serving in the military abroad at the time and regrets never getting to say goodbye to his brother.

Today I am struggling to contain my emotions. I am really feeling for him today. I want to text him and say something along the lines of " I am aware of the date and thinking of you. I hope you are only remembering the happiest of memories of your brother "

I want to text , but also very aware that he asked me for time and space and that I should respect this. I have texted him a couple of times over the last few months with no response, therefore, I wouldnt expect him to reply to this text. However, I also know he will be struggling today and I hate to think he thinks he's alone in his grief.

Have any of you ever experienced the pull of a certain date connecting you ? What have you done ?

Thanks

Hiya Belljar,

One day I felt an ache in my Heart profoundly (not the ache and joy experienced during prayer time) and discovered the following day that one of his colleagues had passed away. Other things have happened over many years to he and myself; he shows his presence when I have lost a family member (ie drives near me, sits for a bit, then drives away with love sent to me via his expressions, heart to heart) without needing to say a word.

Your TF will feel the love and deep concern you have for him without saying a word, whether you see him in person or not (through the Holy Spirit) believe me; been there and done that so many times with funerals again last year and this year xx

Thanks for our reply.

I have been trying to find quiet time today just to sit and think about him and put out the thoughts to the universe that I am aware of the date and I also feel his pain and grief. I am trying to tell him that I would love nothing more that to hold him and cry along with him.

It's days like today that make being separated so hard.

Thanks again for your reply

Xx

[John Elessar]

Tripping to my life fantastic; I mean what other choice do I have? I already wallowed in the despair over her years ago, way beyond that now.

I long to be at the point where I am way beyond him.
It's all too raw at the moment and I really do feel his pain today.

Originally Posted by Belljar

I long to be at the point where I am way beyond him.
It's all too raw at the moment and I really do feel his pain today.

I sense a lot of people on this forum who want to be there (beyond their soul connection). I was where you are. I am now free.

Perhaps, if I can gather my thoughts on this subject I will try to share my experience regarding disconnecting and what I've learned. I'd like to help set others free.

Hang in there. In the end, it's all up to you and how bad you want it. You have to ready yourself and do so with an active plan instead of waiting for some force to do it for you.

Soulful, I would love to free ... But then the thought of not ever feeling the connection again.
Oh, I could have an action plan to get him back in my life, no problem... However, it would most likely end up driving him even further away.
I guess I am just to follow his wishes, give him the time and space he asked for.
Maybe one day he will stop running and wake up.... I guess it's a matter of having faith and believing in the connection.
However, today, since I know he will be hurting its just a little bit more difficult to stay away and not reach out.

Originally Posted by Belljar

Soulful, I would love to free ... But then the thought of not ever feeling the connection again.
Oh, I could have an action plan to get him back in my life, no problem... However, it would most likely end up driving him even further away.
I guess I am just to follow his wishes, give him the time and space he asked for.
Maybe one day he will stop running and wake up.... I guess it's a matter of having faith and believing in the connection.
However, today, since I know he will be hurting its just a little bit more difficult to stay away and not reach out.

I hear myself speak with what you wrote.

1. "The thought of not ever having that connection again..." Form of addiction. When we miss something as much as we do our soul connections, after a while, we have to ask, is this healthy?? I mean, there are some people who hang on for YEARS and YEARS!

2."However, it would most likely end up driving him even further away...." And if you drive him further away, what exact purpose does he serve you if he is away?

3."Maybe one day he will stop running and wake up"...maybe he won't - EVER. Do we sit around and wait and hope, or do we let go and move on; live our life? If he wanted to be in your life, wouldn't he be, unless there are barriers like a spouse, etc? And, if he has a spouse, you have to ask yourself if you should be with him anyway, depending on your level of comfort regarding such. Deep connection or not, how well does having a relationship sit with you if he is married? If he is not married, why is he NOT with you??

4. "It's a matter of faith and believing in the connection"...I think it's more a matter of faith and believing in yourself; that you can proceed without him as a crutch that feeds something in you that is missing. Finding what that is, is part of the journey on our own.

I am an honest person, and also am with myself, although it took me a while to take off the blinders to the deeper truths of why I hung on. Everyone has to find out for themselves what those reasons are.

A lot of people try to make this a journey of traveling with another, Well, if we were meant to travel it with another, wouldn't they be with us??? Why do we allow ourselves to chase, put up with nonsense, lack of communication and justify that it is part of the connection? Doesn't make sense, once you stand back and use your logic instead of your heart.

This is not meant to pick apart your relationship or particular scenario, however, your post could have been written by many, myself included a while ago.

Just food for thought.

I know it's a difficult break. You have to want it as much as you want your freedom from it. I also had to ask myself how similar this is to co-dependency, as many long to 'fix' or have their soul connection a certain way and think that this connection and involvement with them will garner change in the other or somehow make them want us. There are many fine lines and unhealthy factors in this if you ask me.

Hugs.

Hi,

I totally appreciate your honesty and respect your beliefs. I actually admire your conviction.

1. You are totally right. It's not healthy and he is an addiction. I waited 18 years to reconnect briefly with him. We have both moved countries and the likes during this time. However, during these 18 years he was never too far from my thoughts and he said the same about me.

2. I would love to turn up at his door step and declare my feelings for him. Express all the hopes I have for him to live the life that scares him so. However, that would only serve to satisfy me. He asked me for time and space and I have to respect that, I have to show him that I care enough about him to back off. If during this time, he manages to deal with all the other issues in his life then it has to be worth it ( and by other issues I am talking about his PTDS from military conflict service and issues of abuse from his childhood) these are issues that only he can deal and resolves himself.

3. Yes, he might never stop running from all that scares him in life. I haven't stopped living my life, while I wait for him. I'm starting at college next month and still go out as much as I always have. From when he left me first time round, I even got married and had kids. This was part of the problem second time round. I was still married and he struggled with the thought of being the reason that my marriage broke down. His wife ( he was divorced by the time we reconnected ) had cheated on him. Maybe he was being the sensible one by suggesting that time apart to make sure we weren't getting carried away on old emotions and to make sure that this was the right move for him,me and the kids from both our previous relationships. I cannot force him to overcome the issues of trust he has caused by other people. He's been hurt, I get that, however he needs to deal with that in his own time. By respecting his choices, if he ever stops running maybe it shows that I am one person he can trust.

4. I am quite comfortable in carrying on without him. However, that doesn't mean that I am not allowed to feel some sorrow on days like today when I know he will be hurting. I have managed before to pick myself up after being with this man. Last time, I went to University, obtained a law degree, got married and had kids. However, I still thought about him often and hoped that life as being kinder to him. It's about striking a balance of getting on with things and still caring. It's about unconditional love, doesn't matter if they are in your life or not, you know that you love them for what they have given you.

Yes, it would be easy to say if they are supposed to travel this journey they will always be there.... True... However, sometimes we just have to sit back and believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe this is the end of my journey with this man, I hope not, but if it is at both points of us separating he has made me take a good look at my life and make the changes that needed to be made.

While, I totally get how this can all get very unhealthy and consume almost every part of your life. I think the key to it all is balance. Live your life, have reasonable expectations but I don't think you should ever stop believing in yourself or the other person.

You seem very wise. :-)
So glad to hear more specifically that you have not forgotten 'you' in all this!