Oh my geez!

[sunflwrdanzr]

So after yesterday's frustration, I decided to blow off some steam hanging out with the guy I've been having a fwb thing the past month or so, this morning. So we did and then crazy thing happened. We were getting intimate and I look up at him and time like stops and it's not him I'm looking at, it's my tf! And he says "Why are you doing this, you want us, not this." and then everything returned to normal and the guy looked at me all concerned and was like "are you ok? you have a weird look." I just kissed him and shook it off, but grrr, just grrr! If I had enough guts I would ask my tf if that ever happens to him when he's with his girlfriend, but I don't. Don't even wanna go there. And I totally think it was him and his energy, not something in me because I enjoy the time this guy and I spend together! I don't feel guilty because why should I when tf has been with his girl for at least a year, possibly longer?! I do know that when this guy and I first kissed all I could think about was tf and it did make me miss him, but nothing else even like that has happened any other time we've been together.

Has this or something similar happened to you all? First experience for me, but then again, this is the first guy I've really spent time with and been intimate with in 10/11 years since meeting tf. Hmph.

[gypsymystique]

Sun, I'm not sure if my answer will help or not. Energy moves during sexual encounters (often in strange ways). I think this was a product of energy moving and not JUST a twin flame phenomenon.

There's a book called Transcendent Sex by Jenny Wade that talks about all the things that can happen during and leading up to intercourse. Mmmm... just guessing that your tf connection just happened to be a part of this transcendent moment for you.

That must have been awful!

Originally Posted by gypsymystique

I think this was a product of energy moving and not JUST a twin flame phenomenon.

I would just add that the mind is incredibly powerful and one has to be careful not to see signs in everything. Having read quite a lot about how we create our reality, it makes me wonder what is a sync and what is a recreation of our powerful minds in action.

[sunflwrdanzr]

Interesting gypsy. May have to check that out.

And yeah firefly, that's why after he left I sat and thought about the whole thing. Sometimes like you said since I subscribe to the we create our own reality belief, I question everything weird. lol. But this was just different than anything ever before. Just not sure. Could have been either of the above.

Wow. And here we've been talking about interference from the universe as of late!

Something I've given a lot of reflection to (both on behalf of many of us here and in my own situation) is that balance between what we have and what we want. A lot of people are talking about how, since they can't be with their TF, they just want to be with someone and why won't the universe let them? In my own situation, I'm being given the choice to be with someone else or no one at all. And the more I've thought on it, the more I realize that of the two I truly want no one at all. I spent my whole life worrying about how I was single and how I'd never get the ball rolling on all that and how I wasn't good enough. And now I'm ending a long term relationship, and it's given me a lot of new perspective about the expectations I have for my life and the future.

I'll admit that it gives me somewhat of a different vantage point on this conversation we're all having. I think a lot of us maybe feel like someone else is making the choice regarding our relationships: we want to be with them but they don't want to be with us. But since I'm choosing to walk away from the security of a committed relationship, right into the open arms of no one, I don't feel like this decision is being made for me, and I don't feel the sadness and loss of control over the situation.

I know my heart is with a certain person, and I feel unable to promise myself to anyone else knowing that. Once I realized that, I felt that I had to stop lying to myself about the way I had been emotionally relating to other people.

(This thread just sparked my thoughts on relationships as of late! I really really hope it didn't come off in any way as a judgment to people who feel differently or choose differently, because that is the last thing on my mind! I've agonized about this every day since I've decided and gone through every thought and feeling anyone has shared here about relationships, believe me!)

Regarding sunflwrdanzr:

You've always given the impression of being pretty level-headed about what was going on with you and your situation, accepting where he's at right now and being willing to explore other options. I know you're not crazy about finalizing the divorce but you're willing to let him do what he feels like he needs to do. I also remember something you posted that your daughter had said, something like...you'll be alright in the end, that's why I'm not worried about you guys. Your post made me think of that. Like deep in your heart you know you'll end up together again, but it's frustrating to trust that while simultaneously trying to be supportive of him ending things. And seeing these other men is like a step towards being supportive, of okay, sure, let's try other things for awhile. But then you get that message, and it's like.....grr, am I supposed to let him end things while also hanging on myself? That seems like mixed messages, lol! And there's also that feeling of...he's sort of making this decision for both of you, but only one of you wants it. And he doesn't....even seem like it's what he really wants.

Is that it? Is it that your soul knows that what he really wants is you, rather than separating?

[Kiwigirl11]

Sunflwr.....i'm glad you brought this up as something similar happened to me a few months back .....i was at the moment when you are kind of in between being awake and asleep ,if that makes sense ,you know you are awake ,but you can stilll feel like you ar in a dreamy state ,hard to explain,but i'm sure you get what i mean ...anyway i had this sudden vision of my TF having intimates with someone (i couldn't see her face )and it was like he suddenly looked at me with shock on his face ,then the vision was gone ,i felt like i was in the room with them and that he had seen me .It didn't feel like a dream ,it was really strange and rather awkward ....and i had forgotten about it until i saw you thead ......I hope it doesn't happen again ,don't want to see that again in a hurry lol...weird !!!

[Teal]

weird. I the 5 senses play a lot into things. It is like You are going along and wham a reminder of tf.

[John Elessar]

IIRC someone else related a story virtually identical to this earlier in the (previous) year, someone who may not be on the board anymore.

[smARTistic girl]

I believe it was Jatd. If it was, I'm sure she will weigh in if she feels like it . If not, you could always look back thru her posts. Best of luck sweetie. That has to be difficult to deal with.

[sunflwrdanzr]

Wow Iseke. The part of your post that you directed to me and this, is EXACTLY how I feel and thoughts that go through my head! Very spot on for sure. And to answer your question, well I ask that to myself too and I do think the answer is yes. But still yeah why do these things, phenomenon seem to pop up when I think I'm doing good or "in the clear"? (not over or moved on completely because I don't think that's possible here. I will move on and I will find happiness and a peace in and with what I can, but there is no end to this tf connection. You just deal I suppose.)

Teal - yes! Totally agree with the 5 senses connection. Happens to me a lot too. I'm a big person on smells.

Very glad to hear others have had some similar experiences. SmARTistic, I do now remember Jatd having something similar not long ago too! Thank you guys. I love this family, community, crazy house, whatever! lol. Would for sure have lost my mind a while ago without you all and these forums!