Health, my ex and our son

[Emmalevine]

This is a really hard situation and I'd appreciate some advice, if possible.

I have a major health condition that affects my heart. In short, I am exercise intolerant and my heart will protest at the slight thing. This can vary from day to day, but generally speaking even just walking up the stairs will cause a reaction. Sometimes just sitting up, standing, picking up a bag or opening a window will set my heart off. I have to be VERY careful. I take beta blockers but they are increasingly not working.

A few months ago I gave up full time care of my disabled son to my ex for this reason. I now have him at weekends, with help. I can manage as long as I know how long I have our son, when he's being collected and that I have people to calll upon in an emergency. Sadly, it doesn't often work this way.

My ex is a creative person, very self absorbed and he turns up to collect his son when he feels like it, often hours late. I have tried to tell him about the extent of my difficulties but he doesn't pay attention. I was in hospital last year and this made no difference. It doesn't help that his mum is daignosed with a similar health condition but she does not have it anywhere near as severe as I do. However, in my ex's unsympathetic eyes, I should be able to manage like his beloved mum does. I have sometimes asked my ex if he can collect our son earlier, but he always says no.

I have told him that my health could get worse if I keep having to struggle with out son longer than I expect, and now this is happening. My heart is increasingly unable to tolerate small amounts of activity, and after last weekend I crashed. This is particularly because I have just had our son 9 days as well as my ex was abroad, but in som ways that was more managable due to the fact his carers are moe reliable than my ex.

My ex was recently abusive towards me and I don't want a repeat of the verbal name calling, put downs etc. But I am concerned this situation will worsen until I am unable to have our son at all.

How do I put this to someone who doesn't want to listen? Our son has a social worker but my ex complains that she is 'on my side' so getting a meeting together will not help.

I feel desperate because I'm not only seriously ill but I feel no one is really listening to me. I don't have much family who care and this is really quite difficult to cope with. I don't ask much - just for my ex to turn uyp on time and/or let me know well in advance if he's going to be late so I can try to arrange other help. I feel I am at the mercy of others - I have no control.

I try to accept he's always been that way - but in terms of my health it doesn't work. How do I cope if he won't change?

Starbuck:

First thought... Do you have someone who can take your son back to his father, since he is so unreliable?

Second thought... I don't know if you are aware of these natural supplements to nourish the heart: co-Q10, hawthorne and cayenne pepper. CoQ10 is really important for the heart. I used it successfully on my cat to heal his hypertrophic cardiomyopathy back in the late '80's. He was seven then and went on to live to be 18 when he passed due to renal failure. The herb hawthorne help with high blood pressure and cayenne strengthen the arteries and veins.

Back to the CoQ10 and Augie (my cat), he was diagnosed with stage 4-5 cardiomyopathy. I gave him 30mg of coQ10 2x day (approx. 2.70mg per pound -- he weighed 11 lbs) and when he had another ultrasound 7 months later, his heart returned to normal size. The dose for humans with heart issues is 300mg of coq10 minimum daily. You can now get it in the more bio-available form of ubiquinol. It is a fat soluble supplement. Swanson vitamins has really good prices on supplements.

http://www.vitaminexpress.com/ve_newsletter.php/nID/12

http://www.herballegacy.com/search.p...uery=hawthorne

http://www.herballegacy.com/Hawthorn_Berry.html

http://www.herballegacy.com/search.p..._query=cayenne

http://www.lef.org/magazine/mag2008/...yme-Q10_01.htm

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/3062263

http://www.raystrand.com/recommendations_open.asp?eid=1000&n_recommendation _id=226

[Silver]

Gosh Starbuck, I feel so badly, the thought crossed my mind in desperation that I'd come over there and help you out, lol. It's surely no laughing matter, but when you can't dance...I can only say how much I feel for you and your situation and will pray for you all. They always say the worst thing to do is panic, so that's about the best advice I can give...I'd say the worst pain is the guilt (unnecessary but it will happen) and helplessness. I'm so sorry, big hugs to you and your son.

Hi Starbuck,
And I thought I was in a tough situation. My heart goes out to you along with my prayers.

You said that going to the social worker won't help because "she's on your side," but...isn't the SW also on the side and existing for your son? If you could crash at any point--especially with prolonged, unplanned, and unannounced visits--then your son's well-being is in danger.

Who cares if he thinks the SW is on your side? You've got a genuine concern here.

I know that things are always easier for outsiders looking in, so I apologize if anything I have said offended you.

Nalan

[Emmalevine]

Thanks for the replies all of you.

I had a bad day with tachycardia yesterday so haven't been able to post here. Wanted to thank for responses.

Iolite - I have additional problems on top of my heart (in fact, my heart issues started as secondary to everything else) but I appreciate the links and Q10.

Silvergirl - thanks for your support, as ever.

Nalan - my social worker isn't actually on my side, but this is what my ex uses to attack me. I guess I fear his attack. I think something does need to be done now to protect my health as much as possible when I see my son, so I need to be strong and withstand possible attack from him. Hard though.

I'm okay. Believe me I've lived with my health problems long before I even had my son. I've had them for 13 years now. It's how my life is. But my son is growing and changing, and his difficulties (autism) make life that much harder bless him. I'm fortunate his dad has taken on 5 day care, so things are A LOT better and easier for me this year than they have been in a long time. The important thing is not letting me get any worse healthwise.

Starbuck...

Are you taking a good magnesium supplement for your tachycardia? This one gets good reviews, I'm going to order a bottle myself to keep on hand.
http://www.iherb.com/Magnesium-Glyci...&utm_medium=f2

[Silver]

Magnesium, coq10, two really good ones to support the heart.

Please, keep us posted, Starbuck and do what you have to do.

Starbuck, emotional issues affect our physical health. Have you done any releasing? Look into the book by Louise Hay - 'You Can Heal Your Life,

Your heart issues feel like chronic stress:

Chronic stress wears a person down day after day and year after year. It seems as if it is endless. The common causes of chronic stress are poverty and financial worries, dysfunctional families, caring for a chronically ill family member, feeling trapped in unhealthy relationships or career choices, long-term unemployment, personal belief systems and traumatic experiences.

You should try some heart chakra exercises and also get some gems/stones for heart healing.

Rose Quartz
Pink/Rubellite Tourmaline
Watermelon Tourmaline
Green Aventurine
Malachite
Jade
Peridot

I think the worry is making you worse. Try working on you for a while and let the rest sort itself out.

[Emmalevine]

Thank you all. I only wish it was as simple as releasing...my life may contain a level of stress, but I'm more content than I have ever been. I've spent a long time dealing with the past and coming to terms with things in the present. I've reached a good layer of acceptance. My current stress resolves around my decline in health, which follows physcial over exertion.

I have a heart condition called pots, and I know plenty of people who have it who lead happy lives without emotional issues. Stress certainly makes me worse, but it isn't a linear thing. I wish it was because it would be easier to deal with.

I'm hoping that my son living with his dad will take a lot of the pressure off. The difficulty is that I overdid it revising for an exam back in June and I haven't quite reached the level I was before then. I was getting more tachycardia on certain days and now it has reached a point of occuring everyday and not responding to meds. Basically my body needs to rest - urgently!

Thanks all for responding here and I will bear suggestions in mind. I have to be careful with supplements because my body is hyper sensitive and it tends to send my digestion into a panic, so doesn't always work helpfully.

[Silver]

I sure wish I could help more. I just want to say the obvious <> do the deep-breathing to help you relax. It always helps me, anyway.