My 'Lack Of' Man Problem

[Shivani Devi]

Hi there friends.

First I'll begin by saying I know I am not going to find Neo The One (has a bit of a Keanu crush) by sitting around doing nothing and I also know not to be too picky and choosy about it.

Up until now, I never felt like I wanted or needed to be with a guy (and not just for the obvious) as much as I do right now. This love that I feel needs to be shared and only with one who can appreciate it and also who can appreciate me for who I am, including my mental illness, which although it's a label I detached myself from years ago, I still have one nonetheless.

I feel I am ready for a relationship, but I am also shy. I guess to some extent, not really ego but more aesthetic, the gentleman be a real gentleman (do they even make these anymore)? and at least be a little bit physically attractive, intelligent and spiritual - maybe I set the bench way too high, but I have certain standards I can't lower myself to meet.

I'd like to go out there and find a guy like that, but where would I even start? honestly? I'm in for the long-term bit now, but I don't want to set my sights too far ahead. I've been single for almost 15 years now and I have become a bit set in my ways and habits a bit too - I don't think I could share my living space with a man just yet, not even for one night.

This is why I haven't really bothered up until now, but my heart aches to feel the connection with the soul of the opposite gender who is in tune with the divine. Thoughts and help maybe?

[Lucyan28]

I feel what you're saying Necro, I've been single for 5 months and I can feel this powerful feeling of sharing the good and bad moments of my life with someone, it is increasing its intensity everyday.

I hope you meet someone very special soon !

Blessings !

[Delsol]

I am no expert, but suspect it starts by declaring the intention (which you've done) then going about your daily life with that intention incorporated as part of your default energy. Don't overthink the details; just exude the desire. Attract! Talk to this fantasy man as if you already know him. Go about your day with the desire in your heart. Meditate on it. Envision him. He exists. You just have to draw his energy to yours. I know it sounds silly, but be generous. You don't have to share your home, but make space in your life for this guy you have not met yet. Empty a drawer in your dresser with ceremony, and declare to the Cosmos, "This empty drawer is for Mr. x's clothes for when he stays over!" Ha ha. When you pour yourself a little glass of wine, put out a second glass and declare, "This glass is for Mr. x!" Put a drop in it. When you do your spiritual activities, whether it be meditation, prayer, tai chi - whatever - make a space for him, too. Then give of yourself to others freely without expecting reciprocity - not just men, or certain men, but everyone, if you do not already. After all that, pay attention. Look for the serendipities. Keep the intention ever about you. It will change your behavior in subtle ways. See yourself as this awesome woman with the huge gift of Love to give (and less about what you wish Mr. X will bring you). Someone will show up. I think. Or not - but I believe so. The older I get the more it seems to me that getting the things we want is FAR more about a mindset and intention than it is about actual action. Actions (like focussing on WHERE to go, WHAT to do tangibly) so quickly consume us we veer off in weird directions. Before we know it, we are further from the goal than ever even though we did all the right things. We have to THINK the right things, all the time. Just food for thought, subject to criticism as all things are! Best to you, me.

[Theophila]

Originally Posted by Delsol

I am no expert, but suspect it starts by declaring the intention (which you've done) then going about your daily life with that intention incorporated as part of your default energy. Don't overthink the details; just exude the desire. Attract! Talk to this fantasy man as if you already know him. Go about your day with the desire in your heart. Meditate on it. Envision him. He exists. You just have to draw his energy to yours. I know it sounds silly, but be generous. You don't have to share your home, but make space in your life for this guy you have not met yet. Empty a drawer in your dresser with ceremony, and declare to the Cosmos, "This empty drawer is for Mr. x's clothes for when he stays over!" Ha ha. When you pour yourself a little glass of wine, put out a second glass and declare, "This glass is for Mr. x!" Put a drop in it. When you do your spiritual activities, whether it be meditation, prayer, tai chi - whatever - make a space for him, too. Then give of yourself to others freely without expecting reciprocity - not just men, or certain men, but everyone, if you do not already. After all that, pay attention. Look for the serendipities. Keep the intention ever about you. It will change your behavior in subtle ways. See yourself as this awesome woman with the huge gift of Love to give (and less about what you wish Mr. X will bring you). Someone will show up. I think. Or not - but I believe so. The older I get the more it seems to me that getting the things we want is FAR more about a mindset and intention than it is about actual action. Actions (like focussing on WHERE to go, WHAT to do tangibly) so quickly consume us we veer off in weird directions. Before we know it, we are further from the goal than ever even though we did all the right things. We have to THINK the right things, all the time. Just food for thought, subject to criticism as all things are! Best to you, me.

I second this comment.....I too believe it can start from within ourselves and what we vibrate and also destiny....if it's meant to be its in our hands to be open to it too....

[Lucyan28]

Originally Posted by Delsol

I am no expert, but suspect it starts by declaring the intention (which you've done) then going about your daily life with that intention incorporated as part of your default energy. Don't overthink the details; just exude the desire. Attract! Talk to this fantasy man as if you already know him. Go about your day with the desire in your heart. Meditate on it. Envision him. He exists. You just have to draw his energy to yours. I know it sounds silly, but be generous. You don't have to share your home, but make space in your life for this guy you have not met yet. Empty a drawer in your dresser with ceremony, and declare to the Cosmos, "This empty drawer is for Mr. x's clothes for when he stays over!" Ha ha. When you pour yourself a little glass of wine, put out a second glass and declare, "This glass is for Mr. x!" Put a drop in it. When you do your spiritual activities, whether it be meditation, prayer, tai chi - whatever - make a space for him, too. Then give of yourself to others freely without expecting reciprocity - not just men, or certain men, but everyone, if you do not already. After all that, pay attention. Look for the serendipities. Keep the intention ever about you. It will change your behavior in subtle ways. See yourself as this awesome woman with the huge gift of Love to give (and less about what you wish Mr. X will bring you). Someone will show up. I think. Or not - but I believe so. The older I get the more it seems to me that getting the things we want is FAR more about a mindset and intention than it is about actual action. Actions (like focussing on WHERE to go, WHAT to do tangibly) so quickly consume us we veer off in weird directions. Before we know it, we are further from the goal than ever even though we did all the right things. We have to THINK the right things, all the time. Just food for thought, subject to criticism as all things are! Best to you, me.

I really like this advice Delsol, certainly this is how the law of attraction works

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by Delsol

I am no expert, but suspect it starts by declaring the intention (which you've done) then going about your daily life with that intention incorporated as part of your default energy. Don't overthink the details; just exude the desire. Attract! Talk to this fantasy man as if you already know him. Go about your day with the desire in your heart. Meditate on it. Envision him. He exists. You just have to draw his energy to yours. I know it sounds silly, but be generous. You don't have to share your home, but make space in your life for this guy you have not met yet. Empty a drawer in your dresser with ceremony, and declare to the Cosmos, "This empty drawer is for Mr. x's clothes for when he stays over!" Ha ha. When you pour yourself a little glass of wine, put out a second glass and declare, "This glass is for Mr. x!" Put a drop in it. When you do your spiritual activities, whether it be meditation, prayer, tai chi - whatever - make a space for him, too. Then give of yourself to others freely without expecting reciprocity - not just men, or certain men, but everyone, if you do not already. After all that, pay attention. Look for the serendipities. Keep the intention ever about you. It will change your behavior in subtle ways. See yourself as this awesome woman with the huge gift of Love to give (and less about what you wish Mr. X will bring you). Someone will show up. I think. Or not - but I believe so. The older I get the more it seems to me that getting the things we want is FAR more about a mindset and intention than it is about actual action. Actions (like focussing on WHERE to go, WHAT to do tangibly) so quickly consume us we veer off in weird directions. Before we know it, we are further from the goal than ever even though we did all the right things. We have to THINK the right things, all the time. Just food for thought, subject to criticism as all things are! Best to you, me.

Necro (love the name & avatar pic BTW)

I think the main thing here is to love yourself and to nourish and open the heart.

If it helps you to visualize or think of a particular person in order to nourish and open the heart, then that's fine. However I find this approach to be very limiting of the heart's core energies and thus not very helpful at all. I find those that do focus on this sort of approach will most often get a very limited sort of connection or outcome (or perhaps a series of them)...which is unfortunately the predictable outcome of this method or way.

For many, guidance to picture a romantic partner doesn't necessarily help them in any concrete fashion to come to a place of love or to open the heart. Instead many respond better to the idea of being more loving toward all, particularly toward the self. When you are more loving all round, and particularly to your own self, the main focus and all the benefits accrue to you regardless of what you're doing and who you are with...if anyone.

Whether you are or are not partnered...it doesn't even matter when you love yourself fully and when you love others fully -- in the sense of agape or authentic love...where you actively desire & seek the mutual highest good of all

What we want is love, at core...and it doesn't really matter if someone is spending the night or whether you're just having tea and talk with one or more folks who love & care about you. The drinks and the copulation aspects can be always be arranged and usually pretty easily, but of course this alone probably falls far short what you're looking for.

If you want love, them you can just concentrate on the love and on nurturing and opening the heart, I'd say...and mainly on the love of self and the love of all.

Peace & blessings
7L

[Unseelie Queen]

Hmm...
Based on my experience, such lucky meetings seemed to always be preceded by a shift in me. What Delsol said is very true, about setting your intention, vibrating within it, expanding it outwards and letting it ripple throughout the world like some deep-sea scanner, scanning for that elusive one who will fit your heart like a lost puzzle piece.

And remember, they tend to have the same hiding places we do! (Which is why I am not surprised so many people have found love on this forum, for instance, and online in general)

Still, though.. in my experience it--these people, rather-- will always still come unexpectedly, a little bit after you've set that intention and have stopped thinking about it quite so much. (Not sure why!) It's almost as if... before anything perceptible happens, love finds you first-- not the man or woman, no, but love itself. Love has a presence like God and it feels every bit as elusive and shifting yet ever-present and all around.. A well to drink from, a distant song singing in the blood (and yet, we don't hear it, we're too used to our familiar archetypes of love, and viewing it as something to pursue rather than something to swim through and breathe and feel so it can guide you)
When summoning the ideal person toward you I feel it's less like beckoning them and more like surrendering to love, and letting it unfold you until you unfurl into the lap of your own true love as if falling out of a cocoon.

Oh and I'm sure there's plenty of heart chakra-business that affects all this; there can also be delays when the hearts desires are in disharmony with one's negative unconscious (or conscious) self beliefs-- those things seem to act as a wall of resistance, a blindness, so that our radar is thrown off, making it harder to sense the one that's already calling to us. Love calls you by your name..

Er... hope that made sense!

[Shivani Devi]

Thank you all so much *hugs*. I'd reply to your posts individually, but there would be nothing to add or say. Your advice and kind thoughts are touching. Appreciated...

Yes, It's all 'heart chakra' stuff in the end and I occasionally surrender to love, but it's more than just a 'warm cocoon' for me, so I don't do it too often....if I do that...

I understand what you are saying UQ and it makes perfect sense. I guess it has something to do with coming to terms with my own isolation within before without....let's just say I'm working on it.

[Shivani Devi]

LOL...yeah, 'spiritually passionate' they said.

[Shivani Devi]

Gawd they are being smart alecs tonight - "Not only Heart Chakra, but Sacred and Root Chakra too" :p
Go away! lol