Why was I shown the universal compassion and love?

[Horse]

A little before last year something started happening, where I started tuning into a sense of love and compassion so intense it had me crying tears of joy for hours. Then I experienced a massive heart awakening. And throughout the year after that, I was tuning into states of compassion so intense, I realised it was the most powerful force in existence, I would be crying tears of joy for hours and in awe at how powerful the compassion is. It was connected to a message of freeing beings from financial enslavement. I connected with a soulmate during this time period, and saw visions of her as a Boddhisattva.

And after all that, hell came down on me, and in a short time period, got completely blocked to the point that I'm no longer feeling any compassion at all. I've never been like this before in my life, I've never been blocked from compassion.

[knightofalbion]

Blocked from compassion? Compassion comes from within. And nobody controls it except you. I suspect it is just life weariness, which can affect us all from time to time.

Go to the park and feed the pigeons, or the ducks. Something curiously grounding about it.
Any little kindness lifts the spirits.

A spark leads to a flame ...

[Dwerg]

Originally Posted by knightofalbion

A spark leads to a flame ...

In this case I think the fuel burned up faster than it was replenished. Strong stimulation tends to eventually have the effect of shutdown, both for positive and negative feelings.

I've been burned out plenty of times and it's not always a negative experience leading to it. Compassion is a sense of caring, but there is such a thing as caring too much. We can only take so much before we can't handle more, even regarding good things.

I've been at both the extremes mentioned here, but I don't find the extreme comfortable, least of all in the long run. I know when I'm extremely uplifted for an extended period that I WILL come crashing down. I also know that when I'm feeling down that I will rise up high.

I try to prevent that emotional rollercoaster, it feels overall draining. Stability feels much better, I know my limitations and stop before I go too far.

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by Barnacle

A little before last year something started happening, where I
started tuning into a sense of love and compassion so intense it had me crying tears of joy for hours.

I've never been like this before in my life,
I've never been blocked from compassion.

Barnacle,
I have always related to many things you say...this is yet another.

I also know this 'Holy Compassion'...the unquenchable, painful compassion of the Divine.

I also know this block.
I immediately went to your profile...just as I thought...
you are very close to 28 now, correct?

For me it was a long terrible Saturn Cycle or Return.
Hold on tight...it will get better.

[Horse]

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

Barnacle,
I have always related to many things you say...this is yet another.

I also know this 'Holy Compassion'...the unquenchable, painful compassion of the Divine.

I also know this block.
I immediately went to your profile...just as I thought...
you are very close to 28 now, correct?

For me it was a long terrible Saturn Cycle or Return.
Hold on tight...it will get better.

No, I turned 30 at the start of the year, and the message that hit me is that I failed my Saturn return miserably, but I didn't just fail myself, I failed who I believe to be my soulmate. Hindu and Buddhist beliefs are the ones that resonate with me. I clearly developed really good karma in a past life to be reborn into this life, but I did nothing with the gifts, rather I chose to run from life and isolate myself because the intensity of it was so painful and scary. I then corrupted myself with drugs, and it was around when I quit the drugs that this year of compassion and love happened. The types of karma they say in Hinduism are Sanchitta which is the accumulation of karma from all lifetimes. Parabda karma is from this lifetimes, and Agami karma is what will be your future karma.

I now know what its like to truly hate myself. Am I baby soul, just recently born into Samsara? Born into this thing full of love, purity and awareness, and corrupted and dragged down by my own weakness and fear. And I'm completely numbed to it all, in my sensitive state, this would be the most intensely painful thing imaginable. So there isn't much motivation to unnumb myself now, kinda like being trapped in a prison, the walls of the prison are unconscious pain and fear. Thats basically what creates this illusion of separation, isn't it.

I don't know what to do or whats going to happen.

Originally Posted by Barnacle

......
I now know what its like to truly hate myself. Am I baby soul, just recently born into Samsara? Born into this thing full of love, purity and awareness, and corrupted and dragged down by my own weakness and fear. And I'm completely numbed to it all, in my sensitive state, this would be the most intensely painful thing imaginable. So there isn't much motivation to unnumb myself now, kinda like being trapped in a prison, the walls of the prison are unconscious pain and fear. Thats basically what creates this illusion of separation, isn't it.

I don't know what to do or whats going to happen.

Just thinking it's important to rely on your residual judgement right now to KNOW that it's transient. If your beliefs, Hindu or any other, don't provide an escape plan, fine, then it's "the only way out is through". If you've been doing drugs (you say no more about yourself) such were your times that you're probably undergoing a big readjustment. The important thing is to focus on the end of the tunnel and don't go back to drugs...well, don't turn back at all.

You have no need to hate yourself because of acute weariness and despair. No need to worry about running from life. These are all experiences that you can recognise, digest and eventually turn into positives. Worth a great deal more than never experiencing them....because now you know... Should you ever encounter someone burdened by similar highs and lows you can at least help (if you're so inclined) from an authoritative position.


************

[Lightwaves]

I know what you feel. It can be extremely deflating to be at such heights then go down to such lows. I understand very well.

All things will pass. All things formed into life and death will move in such a direction. If compassion has the capacity to be dead then someday it will be. If you see this then good. My life is going to be around for only a few years then I will pass. I will be nothing more than bones and then dust. In all of this death, what will live? What will really live?

[Horse]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Just thinking it's important to rely on your residual judgement right now to KNOW that it's transient. If your beliefs, Hindu or any other, don't provide an escape plan, fine, then it's "the only way out is through". If you've been doing drugs (you say no more about yourself) such were your times that you're probably undergoing a big readjustment. The important thing is to focus on the end of the tunnel and don't go back to drugs...well, don't turn back at all.

You have no need to hate yourself because of acute weariness and despair. No need to worry about running from life. These are all experiences that you can recognise, digest and eventually turn into positives. Worth a great deal more than never experiencing them....because now you know... Should you ever encounter someone burdened by similar highs and lows you can at least help (if you're so inclined) from an authoritative position.


************

What has happened can't be undone though. I failed so brutally at this Saturn return, and at connecting with my soulmate in this life. How can I live another day after what has happened? I'm dead. This was all planned by some spiritual force, there were synchronicities from the start telling me I was undergoing a death, and the last one of them, I saw a vision of my soulmate closing my eyes like you would a dead body. Thats when my connection with her was severed, and I feel like I can not live another day after that. I'm dead. The vision told me that the connection would be severed, not because of her, but because of me, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. And somehow, I still made the wrong decision after seeing this vision. Like I was being remotely controlled, I went and killed myself spiritually.

I need to pull myself back up now though, this is imperative. The reason I feel like I'm failing is because I let myself slip back down. If I can pull myself up, then maybe all is not lost.

[Nixf1]

Compassion is pretty deep, my friend... just explore yourself and go deeper within.. try to show compassion to wards others and you can open the door to that compassion in yourself... share the love...

i assume compassion is calling same self a brother- that's not alright- we don't say. i want to chance some compass 4 self to figure on as great big ape with blocks, then that's step up da limit. just calling da self ( as ) brother. hitherto that's 5 stars to me.

lots of luckey'd, so come on compassion, the world is waiting-