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A little bit of ranting (not angry though)
Please do not tell me to be in the present moment, or to fill my heart with love, or that there is a higher power, or that it doesn't matter because we'll be together for eternity after...or any spiritual stuff,I know all of this already. Tired of hearing about spirituality. I just need to write this.
Ok first off...It's just that not a day goes by that I don't see twins, or animals in pairs, or two of something. Like today I just went out for a very short while and there were adult twins in the store. I see both twin babies, twin kids, twin adults. Or I'll be watching the news and there's a story about twins. Or a family member is talking to me and says something like "...and they had twins". "they were twins". Since I cannot be with my twin flame right now (he's married and I'm in a relationship), this feels like the most unbelievable annoyance. I know he's my twin flame, so whats the point of reminding me if we can't be together...
The other weird thing that's driving me nuts is the number 5 & 6. I am shocked that everytime I watch or read something, like statistics for example, the numbers always turn out to be 56 or 65...like I'm watching the news and it says "tornado causes 56 deaths", read a book and it says, "56%" or a family member of mine will say "he was 65 years old". AND GET THIS: EVERY FREAK*N TIME I GO TO A STORE, it either adds up miraculousy to 15.60, 16.50, or i get 5.60 back in change, or it costs be 56 bucks etc. My dad will say, "it's 6:50", my boyfriend will turn the TV to channel 65 etc etc Every....single....time. What shocks me too is that no one seems to notice this except me, like reality is being manipulated or something.
The other thing that happens, ALL THE TIME, every day, and it drives me nuts, is that I see a bald man with glasses and a blonde baby (and sometimes a girlfriend or wife). My TF is a bald man with glasses with a blonde baby and a wife. And we usually end up looking at each other. And please don't tell me that I am just paranoid or that there are many people with those characteristics out there. This is more than a mere coincidence. My boyfriend took me to a restaurant and the waiter was bald with glasses, and the only other person in the restaurant sat next to us and was guess what? also a bald man with glasses. Every...single...time.
And then there's the fact that everyday there's some kinds of spirits or something that are trying to make me doubt our connection, but I figured out that it's some kind of test. I have no doubt left in me that he is my twin flame.
Yes I know that this is supposed to be a spiritual experience and that maybe we'll never have sex but I still want to have sex with him, and he does too. We've actually both made it clear to each other.
I imagine having a family with him. I imagine taking him home to my parents for x-mas, being a step-mom to his kid. Despite the fact that there are atleast 10 good reasons as to why we shouldn't be together. So sue me. As wrong as it sounds I am still human with human desires. I may not reach the spiritual enlightenment that is asked of me in this life...
I'm not angry I just wish I could understand why this is happening to me if we can't even be together. It's almost like rubbing it in my face, like "great you've met your twin flame, look at alllllllllllllllll of these signs, but guesss what? you can't be together". I am doing things to keep myself busy, never been busier. And it helps to a certain point. I was very lonely before I met him and there's a part of me that doesn't feel lonely anymore but the other part of me still does...because it's been difficult for me to even be in the same room with him. Before it was just running, now it's that I want to be with him so bad in a human way as well as spiritual, but I do not want to ruin his family. I love him so much that I'd rather stay away than be tempted to stray or tempt him. I keep seeing a picture of his family lately on facebook and I just want him to be happy (I know that negates everything I wrote up there, kinda messed up).
I guess what I'm saying is that life put me and tf in the worst circumstances ever (I haven't described the whole situation but let's say there are so many obstacles). It's as if some higher force doesn't want us to be together in a physical way, just spiritual. But here's the problem: me and tf want each other both ways. How can we be together spiritually if we keep apart physically from fear of doing something wrong.
Finally, I have this theory that my tf is actually either from another dimension or something, or that his soul group is the one responsible for whats going on. Because I feel like I am continuously being tested, as if they want to make sure I am 100% ready for "us". Now I get that this is a valid thing. My "ego" though is angry about it because my ego is tired and would like to rest sometimes and be happy. Whenever I feel like "ooohh this is gonna be a relaxing day", something happens to test me. Just thinking about it is making me angry, sorry lol.
I am sorry for complaining so much, it's the ego...thats what most of you would say. And I'm sorry to the angels or guides too, I appreciate their help because it hasn't been all bad. It's been a combination of good and bad. Tonight I just feel like ranting on the bad. But thank you for helping me in times of trouble.
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