Why are people together,if they dont get on

Sorry about the long winded title, but have you ever noticed that while many couples seem to get on like a house on fire,totally in tune,and on the same wavelength,many others seem to endure,what can only be described, as constant friction and bickering,and yet year in and year out they still stay together. What,s the sense in that,is it because,for some reason, they are too afraid to make the break,or is there some reason for them to be together. I.m thinking here of past life connections,a need to work out previous incompatability,and perhaps solve their differences. I personally believe that all the important relationships we have in this life are planned before birth.

[astralsuzy]

My parents argue a lot. My mother says things that irritate my father. She keeps doing it. They would never leave each other as they love each other. If I argued like my parents do, my marriage would not survive. My husband and I do not like that atmosphere.

[Belle]

Indeed jondav - there are too many reasons why a couple might stay together. It could be past life issues, it could be too afraid to make the break (that said, it can take courage to stay in a bad relationship), but then there are more subtle issues such as no-one outside the situation is really in a position to pass judgment about what goes on inside the relationship and so on.

The important relationships are, I too believe, planned from before birth. Namely parents and siblings. And other people we stumble across, some are accidental and some are chosen. I used to think it was all planned but that eliminates free will and personal responsibility.

There are not a single perfect relationship since life is a moving target and imperfect.

Each has a different spiritual agreement with his/her partner/spouse at the soul level.
Every relationship is unique.
Each defines what a desirable or acceptable relationship is.
Therefore, a relationship may look "imperfect" to others is actually the way it should be for those involved.
A relationship would dissolve on its own if and when it needs to be.

[DoctorStrange]

Originally Posted by astralsuzy

My parents argue a lot. My mother says things that irritate my father. She keeps doing it. They would never leave each other as they love each other. If I argued like my parents do, my marriage would not survive. My husband and I do not like that atmosphere.

Wow. You are describing almost exactly the relationship that my parents have. They love each other but my parents are actually different kinds of people. I'm happy that they are together, but in other circumstances people like them would not last.

I think fear of ending it, or being apart, might be a contributing factor, but it's a guess.

I don't know.. I think sometimes you just know you're meant to be together. My husband and I had a pretty difficult relationship at first. But from the first moment he touched me (like accidentally brushed against me, nothing overt) I felt tingles. It was amazing! I've never felt that with anyone else. And when I looked into his gorgeous blue eyes, the world just melted away and I forgot anything else.

So yeah the first few years of our marriage were pretty much hell. He was a perfectionist and verbally abusive. Many people would not have put up with it. But I've always felt like he was my other half. We have sharpened each other like steel on steel which isn't always fun. But we're both better people, and now our relationship is so so deep. It's like we've seen each other at our worst, our best and everything in between. We've given each other permission to walk. We've given each other space to grow. We've been freaking jerks to each other, and we still want to be together. Like totally more in love then when we got tingles and could barely think when we looked into each other's eyes. So now we're totally sweet to each other, and would never do the things we used to. We're way better off, and I think for the most part I would have just missed him too much to be away. I'm a romantic at heart though, so I would pretty much have to be dead not to love him. Like unconditionally love him no matter what he did. And come to think of it, even then, in death, I would still love him lol.

[Native spirit]

I think people will either know or experiencedpeople who argue all the time,but stay together,my parents were always arguing when i was a child i asked my grandmother why they stayed together ,she told me because they loved each other and couldnt live without each other.
when i got married the first thing i said was i dont want any arguing, and we didnt i was married a long time before my husband passed but never did either of us say a cross word about each other, my parents were married 54 years before my mother passed away,my father was never the same after she went.

Namaste

[John Elessar]

My best friend just admitted to me that his mom is waiting for his stepfather (400 lbs., diabetic) to die so as to collect on the life insurance. I was just like .

[Belle]

Originally Posted by John DiFool

My best friend just admitted to me that his mom is waiting for his stepfather (400 lbs., diabetic) to die so as to collect on the life insurance. I was just like .

I know a similar scenario - it's so so sad to think that your happiness can be attained by the passing of another and there's no truth in such a perception. I don't think it's good for the psyche to be focused on death so heavily - even if it is the death of another, you will be feeding to your subconscious towards your own passing and I suspect you could well hasten it. (I've no proof for that it just seems to me to be akin to an affirmation)

[Belle]

Originally Posted by Native spirit

I think people will either know or experiencedpeople who argue all the time,but stay together,my parents were always arguing when i was a child i asked my grandmother why they stayed together ,she told me because they loved each other and couldnt live without each other.
when i got married the first thing i said was i dont want any arguing, and we didnt i was married a long time before my husband passed but never did either of us say a cross word about each other, my parents were married 54 years before my mother passed away,my father was never the same after she went.

Namaste

My mother has come into her own since my dad died. I'm afraid I'm not pleased for her as she is mean to me, although it takes a pressure away from me. Her "dementia" has suddenly disappeared, she's buoyant and she's sociable and lively. Every now and again - she mentions having had a sad week and then in the next sentence she gives me a breakdown of all the fun things she has done.

Why did they stay together? I've no idea. Absolutely no idea. It wasn't a financial necessity, my father was in a home for the last 3 years of his life and mum visited him every day - she didn't need to. I am sure they loved each other, in their own ways, but some things are not my business and this is one of them.