A sense of sufferance caused by love ... or due to beliefs surrounding love?

[Moonglow]

Hello,

The discussion brings these thoughts

Love is not the cause of suffering
Love does not mean one will not be hurt
Love can cause pain in the heart
A feeling so strong for another and at times feeling so helpless to give what the other needs
Can create a bond so deep that nothing can break the bond
Can cause the tears to flow for what is felt by another is felt with in the self
Love is accepting and allowing. Not demanding, nor expecting.
It is holding dear the memories and feeling the loss of those gone by.
If held in bitterness and despair whither and dies.
Turns from warmth into coldness, from soft to hard.
Love is delicate and to be handled with care

The suffering is when one does not let it flow, but tries to conform it to ones needs and expectations. When it turns to bitterness and resentment
and one holds this in the heart.

Expressing a point of view.

Peace

[Xan]

All who have loved have been hurt. Name me one who hasn't.

ahhh... I see, Gem... You're talking about emotional love, that so often comes with fear of loss, expectations and disappointments, jealousy, control issues, self-protective maneuvers, emotional dramas and abuses of various kinds, mental games, etc. etc. etc.

Oh no... the love I speak of doesn't have all these add on's, so yes, I raise my hand... I haven't been hurt by love itself (and no one else has been either).


Xan

[Gem]

Originally Posted by Nada

Love stems from yourself, resides in yourself, and owned by yourself.
Only yourself can let love hurt you...

Do I let my love hurt me?
Absolutely.

Do I let my love disappoint me?
Thousand times.

Do I let my love blind me?
Always.

Do I let my love die?
Never.

I rather die million times by my love… than live without feeling my love.

Thanks. That does sound very realistic to me.

[blackraven]

Originally Posted by sound

A simple question really ... no post considered off track if the word love is mentioned at least once lol

** Thanks in advance for all contributions

Hi Sound...Here is my input...

"'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."

Lord Tennyson


Blackraven

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

Regarding relationship love-hopes this helps even one person-

In the book by Dr. Gary Chapman, " The Five Love Languages",
We all feel love 5 ways.
So if your partner expresses his/her love in "his" way, not "your" way, you feel unloved, thus, pain and torment.
You know the drill.

Many relationships would still be together and happy just by reading 3 chapters of this book. I give it out to so many couples...it is in many used book stores, bec once you read it, you "get it".

A damn fine book.
During the hardest part of our single parenting days, when my kids were blossoming into teenagers,
the simple knowledge in that book resolved a lot of interpersonal clashing.
We all gained more understanding of each other and of ourselves.

Originally Posted by sound

A sense of sufferance caused by love ... or due to beliefs surrounding love?

It seems to me that it's not love that hurts a person, but when love is restricted.
It's the loss of love after one has experienced love that causes suffering.
And it seems like a natural response to feel pain from the loss of love.

Resolving the issue of this type of pain is up to the individual to determine what they decide to do about it.

[Gem]

Originally Posted by Alternate Carpark

It seems to me that it's not love that hurts a person, but when love is restricted.
It's the loss of love after one has experienced love that causes suffering.
And it seems like a natural response to feel pain from the loss of love.

Resolving the issue of this type of pain is up to the individual to determine what they decide to do about it.

I just consider the increasing emorional investment people are prepared to make depends on their growing fondness for eachother, and I doubt these relationships would flourish if that investment were not made. Furthurmore, it all seems quite beyond the control of choices, and it's more an acknowledgement of how they really feel.

Originally Posted by Gem

I just consider the increasing emorional investment people are prepared to make depends on their growing fondness for eachother, and I doubt these relationships would flourish if that investment were not made.

Agreed...no investement, no growth.
And what one values is what one puts time and energy into.

Furthurmore, it all seems quite beyond the control of choices, and it's more an acknowledgement of how they really feel.

To those that lack in self control, yes, i agree with you.
If a person has no control of their emotions, then that is the problem, not love.
If a person's feelings belong to the person the same as their body belongs to them,
why is it considered normal to be in control of said body and walk down a street,
yet when it comes to emotions and feelings, it's considerd normal to,
"oh i just can't/couldn't help myself, i just get/got so angry, sad, depressed, horny, frustrated, blah blah blah"?

A person has a body, thoughts and feelings.
Total ownership is developed within the growth process.
If a person believes they have no control over a part of themself, then that is how it will be for them.
But that doesn't mean it's impossible to achieve.