need someone to talk to...

[alexa_summer]

I'm struggling with a love triangle in my life right now. I'm engaged to someone I have been with for almost 10 years & yet this other person who I have known less than a year I am really really drawn to & before I got engaged my fiancé and i were broken up for a week. & I was with this other person & I probably would have dated him..it's complicated. But even after I got engaged I felt like something within me was missing..and i was deeply depressed for a while & still am. I think about this person all the time..not as intensely as it once was, but he still pops up in my head and tries to get ahold of me once in a while..I'm in a position where idk what I want in my life. I don't want to hurt my fiancé but idk if me and him are meant to be together regardless especially since i am consistently feeling this way. I love him, sometimes I just feel like it isn't the same anymore and I wonder if Im making the right decisions...

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

the best guide i've encountered for making the "right decisions" is to follow your bliss.
which avenues appear to be in alignment with your joy?
intricate plans for specific outcomes (to materialize in the future) work in opposition to experiencing joy NOW.

there's a technique for gauging where your heart is guiding you:
phrase your question in a this or that, yes or no question.
flip a coin, with heads being one outcome and tails the other.
just before you reveal the result... which answer are you pulling for?

your specific quandary is probably more expansive and full of opportunity
for exploring than simply choosing between one suitor or the other.
talking with your fiancé about how you two can ensure that your mutual
journey is going to be (entirely) fulfilling seems a possibility.

[Somnia]

I'm curious why did you agree to becoming engaged if you were having doubts because of this other person you've known for less than a year?

I personally feel it would be most unwise to marry your long term person while you are feeling conflicted...

Do you think/feel it's possible you are stuck in a rut with your long term person, and being in contact with the short term person feels more exciting because it's "new"?

[Tullyquinn11]

I think if you are having doubts about your engagement then you should either be honest with your partner or perhaps get some counselling to better understand your own feelings.
I can see how you are in a difficult position but its not fair on your partner to stay with him if you aren't committed 100%.
Is this other person interested in you too ?

[Eyeland]

If you're having doubts now what will happen after some years, when things will go mundane and grey abit (or a lot..). Stuff like that can ebcome a time-bomb. Please have a totally honest convo with yourself and consider if you're really willing to commit.
On the other hand, you netioned you don't know that other person for a long time. There's always the possibility of becoming very frustrated after the initial enthusiasm, when you get to deeply know the other. OSmeone that fascinated you when you didn't know them well can prove to be the wrong people for you when you find out other aspects of their personalities.
In the end, it's about who would stick with you in the long run i believe. It's about who would fulfill you wholly, it's about who would respect you and be there for you through the good and the bad. And sometimes these are not the people who totally excite us and make us go crazy about them. Many such cases are just fireworks doomed to fade very soon. Life is surely complicated, and usually doesn't forgive haste, wishful thinking or not having balance between emotion and logic. Perhaps you could try to get to know the person you're interested in more, find out all apsects fo his personality before making any decisions, just my thoughts.

[Mused]

Things can stop being exciting after 10 years ... Some people grow apart. Did you talk to your fiancé about it? I agree with Somnia btw

You've been engaged for 10 years? And it sounds as if you're reluctant to tie the knot for the reasons you said. If you don't know what you want out of life (yet) then stand still for a minute, like don't think getting married will be the panacea, nor will ditching your fiancé for a guy you're at the front end of knowing. It may be terribly inconvenient to think of breaking up but you need to assess where this relatiisonship going, taking into account your recent mood about it.

Because, it could be that getting married might be the answer. It sounds like not, but how much do you share in your lives - interests, views? Does he increase the value of your life and you, his. Above all, do you think the relationship has the capacity to grow? Do you want to have children? If you marry can you move to a new home?

There's a lot to think about. If it seems dead now parting company may be the only answer. Which is not to say that this other man will chime with you long term. But....you can only find out.

....

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by alexa_summer

I don't want to hurt my fiancé but idk if me and him are meant to be together regardless especially since i am consistently feeling this way. I love him, sometimes I just feel like it isn't the same anymore and I wonder if Im making the right decisions...

IMO, the concept of "meant to be together" is very bad and totally off center. What is meant to be is that both partners should know how or are willing to learn how to make the relationship work. It's about knowledge and intentions rather than some magical, mystical thing like: "meant to be" or "the one" or some other fairy tale concept of a relationship.
It's been said that relationships take work but I say they take KNOWLEDGE which might include some work but mostly PLAY.
It' "not the same anymore" because neither of you know how to make it the same and even better and the "right decision" might be to study some relationship books or google: relationship tips and LEARN HOW to make it work.
good luck learning how.