Is it normal to be totally uninterested in dating... except for that ONE person?

[Plumeria]

(I post in here a LOT. Hahaha)

So... basically, my entire life, I have always had zero interest in dating. I just honestly couldn't care less about it. Even with high school crushes, I really never had any interest in actually dating them. I just thought they were cute, etc. Even now, I'm totally comfortable with most guys, but the thought of dating or being romantically involved with anyone literally makes my stomach queasy and I just feel totally creeped out. I'm the type who will generally kind of avoid someone if I find out they are interested in me. It just weirds me out big time and I want nothing to do with it. I don't want to be seen in a sexual/romantic way. At all.

And then suddenly there's that one guy... who just blows all that out of the water. All I want to do is spend time with him, get to know him, talk with him, look into his eyes. I find myself daydreaming about him constantly, and honestly, I want to date him. He is literally the only guy I have ever met who I would kiss, if given the chance.

For some reason, I just see this one single guy in an entirely different way than any other guy I have ever met in my entire life, no exaggeration. Why??? Is it weird to feel creeped out by every other guy except him? Even before I met him?

There's no easy answer to your closing questions. It could be many things. Have you actually met him at all? Been introduced and that? Had an exchange in, say, a shop or a library?

If you haven't it's an acute romantic urge. I suppose it happens to many of us. If that guy isn't available or not interested we have to bite the bullet, try to dismiss him from our minds and move on, whereon another may crop up.

If he's showing an interest already then it could be some deeper attraction - I wouldn't go so far as saying "soul mate" but just something about each other seems to mesh. Could be transmitted in a glance or a smile, an acknowledgement... Perhaps his mannerisms ring something inside you...The way he dresses? Could even be pheromones if you've been close enough to him.


I personally think it isn't such a bad idea just dating a variety of people with no commitment, just a friendly date, so you get used to just being with people. You may be different of course but once I started dating I felt generally more at ease with men. It isn't about learning their ways or body language, it's being able to handle an easy-going dialogue, less self-conscious. Well, you won't go out with people you feel you really don't like but if they could be acceptable friends your main caution is not letting them commit to you! - unless it transpires that one suddenly does turn out to be the man of your dreams.

As things are you need care not to obsess. There are heavy hints of this in what you've said. If true and you meet them you need to keep the lid on it. As you don't know him the last thing you want is to frighten him off.

Somehow you have to inveigle a date. Is there any chance of accidentally meeting them on purpose, say in the canteen or bar or at a party? Others around could keep it more casual. Have you any reason for messaging him, no matter how trivial just to get a connection going, albeit tenuous?

Anyway, you have to caution yourself - you don't know him yet. It could be that you change your mind, so take it easy and just let things flow.

[Plumeria]

(For anyone reading this who has seen my previous posts and is wondering, yes, it's the same guy I've asked about before.) ;)

Yes I've met him, yes I've talked to him, and yes I've been pretty close to him (within 2 feet) on multiple occassions.

He has shown some pretty clear interest, yes - in fact he seemed interested in me before I ever really even noticed him. But he's not consistent. I don't really have any "chance" way of running into him, and though I do see him regularly, there's usually several weeks between each encounter and most of the time he's surrounded by his friends so he doesn't really talk to me. He usually only does if they're not there. It's actually a pretty weird situation that's hard to explain. The most recent time I saw him, he was clearly unhappy about something else and was getting teased by his friends about something he messed up on, and so while he didn't talk to me, I'm also not sure if the reason he didn't had nothing to do with me at all.

I've tried messaging him twice over several months with no response, so I quit doing that. I have no idea if he actually SAW them or not but I can only assume that he chose not to answer.

As friends I am very comfortable around men unless they give me a reason not to be. It's when they start showing interest more than that that I get uncomfortable. Except with him.

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by Plumeria

(I post in here a LOT. Hahaha)
So... basically, my entire life, I have always had zero interest in dating. I just honestly couldn't care less about it. Even with high school crushes, I really never had any interest in actually dating them. I just thought they were cute, etc. Even now, I'm totally comfortable with most guys, but the thought of dating or being romantically involved with anyone literally makes my stomach queasy and I just feel totally creeped out.

If I were a therapist or counselor, I'd ask "Who hurt you?" Who damaged your feelings to this extent? I'd probably conduct an examination of your childhood and how you were conditioned and programmed to end up this way. But I'm not your therapist or any expert of the mind so this is just about as far as I could go with you.

I'm the type who will generally kind of avoid someone if I find out they are interested in me. It just weirds me out big time and I want nothing to do with it. I don't want to be seen in a sexual/romantic way. At all.

IMO, there is much pain and confusion here and I'd need to explore your past way more deeply to understand how all of this came about.

Is it weird to feel creeped out by every other guy except him? Even before I met him?

Not weird at all once you or some therapist is able to examine the events and experiences that set you up to feel and act like this.
I'd need way more information than any of this to form an opinion.
Good luck

[Plumeria]

I'm not uncomfortable with guys, generally. I just am literally never romantically interested in them. Except for this one guy.

Some of them are physically attractive but I feel no desire to try to make it anything more than that. This guy is the exception to everything. It's just magnetic - I can't explain it and I can't control it.


By the way, @Loreleyn, I've been noticing that every time he sees me for the first time, he does a double (sometimes triple) take. Sometimes he notices that I'm there as he's walking into another room, and then he'll come back into the room again a moment later and glance at me again.

Difficult...it seems almost as if he has a barrier which could be anything: shyness; he has a girlfriend (do you know if he has?); he's a bit narcissistic; some hurt from his past... you know far more of him than I. Does he socialise easily? What's he like at parties?

Still....it's magic - too much analysis might break the spell!

[Plumeria]

I definitely get the impression that he doesn't have much experience with girls. That doesn't mean he doesn't have a girlfriend, but I sure haven't seen any indication that he does.

I would agree that it's likely that HE is the one with a barrier, and that's why he's very cute and flirty with me some days and ignores me others. When I saw him a few weeks ago he was clearly in a bad mood about something unrelated. I got a wave from him, though he didn't pay attention to me beyond that. Not that I expect him to. The most recent time I got the triple-take, coming-back-into-the-room-to-glance-at-me-a-third-time thing.

Generally, yes, he is very chatty and outgoing with his friends, and at parties he's very fun and loud and involved. He *can* talk to me but he gets visibly nervous and stumbles on his words, has trouble holding eye contact with me, seems afraid to sit next to me even though he apparently wants to (because he almost does). He's distinctly different towards me than he is toward his friends, but when his friends are there (which is 99% of the time) he pays very little attention to me. Although he often ends up on my side of the room at some point.

I had added him on Facebook but he denied me. I wonder if it's because his family and friends are on there (the same people he is possibly trying to hide this from?). His ignoring my email could be anything - he may not have even seen it. But he continues to act this way in person, doing these double-takes and all of that. I can't imagine why else he would be like towards me if he's NOT interested, at least a little bit?