helping someone to trust in love again

[kindheart]

I posted a thread in the love and relationship section, but thought it fit well here.
My boyfriend and I have a great relationship, we get along great, are affectionate and caring for each other, it's awesome. We met 5 months ago, and he broke up with his ex about a year ago: he didn't trust her anymore and she was causing him pain. He is still damaged from it (I'm not sure if he still has feelings for her, he might... he misses what she used to be).

He says he has feelings for me, cares for me so much, thinks I'm so precious. However, he fears he could never love anyone again, and he says he wants to love me so badly but he fears he never will be able to (or anyone else - not me specifically). He also fears to love again, and says he thinks he might love me but is holding back, because he doesn't wanna get hurt again. He feels empty inside because he had it all planned out with her, and the plans fell short and she betrayed him. Nonetheless he treats me like a princess, is so thoughtful and caring, and is very affectionate. I have no doubt he does care so much about me and has feelings for me, as he says he does, even though he isn't yet "in love" with me.

Is there a way I can help him trust in love again? Help him move on from his ex and the pain so he can truly enjoy what we have? How can I help him heal? Are there any forms of meditations I can do to send of healing energy his way?

Thank you so much...

I've personally been where your boyfriend is now. And it is a hard road to recover from but I have seen a great deal of success. I'm no expert in any way - rather a newbie to all of this - but this is what is working with me. I had someone check my chakras and I discovered that my heart, throat and third eye were mostly blocked. The description of "concrete" around my heart was very disturbing to hear. But I was advised to do some cleansing rituals which have helped tremendously in opening back up to love and being able to let someone into my life. If he is receptive, find someone in your area who can check his chakras and help him clear them. It sounds like he wants to love but can't figure out how. Hopefully, this will help!

I wish you and he the best of luck in healing and moving forward!

I have some guided meditations in my signature link, you are welcome to share with him. They are free. Forgiving is very important for him to release the old relationship (forgiving himself as well as the other person). Learning to trust is the issue, not learning to love. Love comes naturally, it's trusting that you won't break his heart or use him is the problem right now.

He needs to feel completely safe with you and this may take some time. xo

Originally Posted by Medium_Laura

Learning to trust is the issue, not learning to love. Love comes naturally, it's trusting that you won't break his heart or use him is the problem right now.

He needs to feel completely safe with you and this may take some time. xo

I agree, Laura! Trust is so hard when you've been wounded but once you can open up, it is so worth all of the hard work to get there.

[Gem]

Originally Posted by kindheart

I posted a thread in the love and relationship section, but thought it fit well here.
My boyfriend and I have a great relationship, we get along great, are affectionate and caring for each other, it's awesome. We met 5 months ago, and he broke up with his ex about a year ago: he didn't trust her anymore and she was causing him pain. He is still damaged from it (I'm not sure if he still has feelings for her, he might... he misses what she used to be).

He says he has feelings for me, cares for me so much, thinks I'm so precious. However, he fears he could never love anyone again, and he says he wants to love me so badly but he fears he never will be able to (or anyone else - not me specifically). He also fears to love again, and says he thinks he might love me but is holding back, because he doesn't wanna get hurt again. He feels empty inside because he had it all planned out with her, and the plans fell short and she betrayed him. Nonetheless he treats me like a princess, is so thoughtful and caring, and is very affectionate. I have no doubt he does care so much about me and has feelings for me, as he says he does, even though he isn't yet "in love" with me.

Is there a way I can help him trust in love again? Help him move on from his ex and the pain so he can truly enjoy what we have? How can I help him heal? Are there any forms of meditations I can do to send of healing energy his way?

Thank you so much...

Yeah... if once betrayed and trust is damaged then it's hard to trust again... I think I wrote a song about once...

I’ve Been All Round The World

I’ve been all round the world
And I seen all kinds of girls
But I never saw one like you (not after last summer’s night)
When you broke my heart in two

Now I seen all I wanted to see of you
And I been where I wanted to be with you
And I’ll never go there again (before last night)
When you broke my heart again

Now I’ll never live my life in a circle
Not after what you did
And I’ll never
Trust In Another
Because you hurt me
So bad
Inside (yes you have)
You hurt me so ba-a-a-a-ad insiiiiide

You know what I think... all these meditations and what not are useless in this circumstance. You have to be trustworthy and in time he'll see it is safe to trust again.

[Xan]

I agree with Laura... Forgiving frees us from pain of the past and allows us to go ahead more openly.

Here's a thread about how: The Power of Forgiving - http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=3683


And I agree with Gem also. We learn to trust again when we are accepted and appreciated and cared for... without someone trying to change us.


Xan

[innerlight]

Originally Posted by kindheart

I posted a thread in the love and relationship section, but thought it fit well here.
My boyfriend and I have a great relationship, we get along great, are affectionate and caring for each other, it's awesome. We met 5 months ago, and he broke up with his ex about a year ago: he didn't trust her anymore and she was causing him pain. He is still damaged from it (I'm not sure if he still has feelings for her, he might... he misses what she used to be).

He says he has feelings for me, cares for me so much, thinks I'm so precious. However, he fears he could never love anyone again, and he says he wants to love me so badly but he fears he never will be able to (or anyone else - not me specifically). He also fears to love again, and says he thinks he might love me but is holding back, because he doesn't wanna get hurt again. He feels empty inside because he had it all planned out with her, and the plans fell short and she betrayed him. Nonetheless he treats me like a princess, is so thoughtful and caring, and is very affectionate. I have no doubt he does care so much about me and has feelings for me, as he says he does, even though he isn't yet "in love" with me.

Is there a way I can help him trust in love again? Help him move on from his ex and the pain so he can truly enjoy what we have? How can I help him heal? Are there any forms of meditations I can do to send of healing energy his way?

Thank you so much...

One of the things that makes it hard to move forward in new relationships after a poor or bad one is that there is not a closure to that relationship. In most cases it just ends. From what you were saying he had big plans for his future with his ex, but then those got cut short and he probably did not have time to process that relationship ending and have closure to it.

Now it's not always possible to speak with the person that did the breaking up. But in having closure we don't always need to. We can speak to them through writing it down on paper. Putting all of our thoughts about what happened, how we are feeling, and really talking to them without actually talking to them. To let it all out of us. The more detail we can put into the letter, or thoughts, the more we can let out. When we are done with that it's best to fully let it go. Send it to the light. Ask the angels to remove it from you. Whatever works the best to make the person feel the best.

From there it's good to burn the letter so that all that energy and emotion is not just sitting around. Plus it can cause a headache if someone else sees it. When having them write this letter allow them their privacy to write whatever they want in it. And not want your self to read it afterwards. Those are intimate thoughts that they may not want to share with someone else. If they do. They will.

Once they are able to receive closure on what happened and allow it to leave them they can take the next step in healing from an old relationship. That next step is forgiving the person. As well as forgiving them self.

It's easy for someone to say that the next relationship will not be the same. And it's easy for us to say that we will never hurt our partners. However those are things we can not guarantee. That is something they will have to learn again. As gem said once trust is broken it's hard to gain back.. But we can take solace in knowing that each person is different and even though we may lose trust in one person it does not mean the next person will be the same.

Love takes time to heal when your hurting so much. Some takes more time than others. Give him space to grieve and heal. You got good intentions but one must fight their own battles with heartache and pain. Letting go ain't never easy. It's one of the hardest lessons to master in this life. But once he lets go and forgives he will be able to breathe but he will prolly be a little sceptical about loving again for awhile. Your heart finally feels healed and to risk getting hurt all over again is scarry. Cause in lov
e there is no guarantee. Your age difference could make him sceptical and a lil concerned about a future with you. And he prolly thinks he will be hurt again. Prove him wrong !! Age dont matter. Good luck!

"Teach Only Love: The Twelve Principles of Attitudinal Healing by Gerald Jampolsky"


Each must choose for themselves to Love again~

[kindheart]

Thank you so guys for all of your comments... It makes me feel much better to realize that it is normal for him to feel this way and that there is hope for him. We communicate good together and he was able to understand that I don't need to hear "I love you" yet. He shows very well how much he cares, and it's all that should matter, at least for a while. There is no rush. It will be that much more special and meaningful when we get to say the words. I do trust him, and I'm becoming more confident he will also trust in himself again and open his heart. It feels good to be with such a wonderful man. Taurus/gemini, I'm not sure what you mean about the age difference, as I'm 28, and he 29 lol, but thanks for your kind words. Medium_laura and xan, thanks for the wonderful links :)