Spiritual Etiquette - On Not Scaring Away The Newcomer

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some great points, Ciquala.




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[Sarian]

Originally Posted by athribiristan

I speak the Truth as I know it. Sometimes I do offend people but I am willing to live with that. Often times those same people will come to me years later and thank me for it. Most of the time people are offended because they don't really want to hear the truth, they want to be comforted. I could oblige them but I don't think that is doing anyone any favors in the long term. People also get offended because they mistake my bluntness for Judgement. I simply tell people what I see, any perceived Judgement is their own, as I decided long ago that it is not my place to judge; that belongs to God.

I totally agree with your points. For me, it's just hard to sit back and read some things without the need to wake them up. I don't mind and actually invite people doing same if they think I'm sounding deluded, out to lunch or need a reality check... but some feel that if you don't have anything nice to say than don't say anything. Sometimes I can agree with that, but sometimes it's not a matter of being mean or cruel, it's saying what are you doing? Do you really believe that? I think back on my own self over the years and I did and thought and believed some pretty stupid things myself. I wish someone told me to wake up and smell the coffee.

Originally Posted by athribiristan

I speak the Truth as I know it. Sometimes I do offend people but I am willing to live with that. Often times those same people will come to me years later and thank me for it. Most of the time people are offended because they don't really want to hear the truth, they want to be comforted. I could oblige them but I don't think that is doing anyone any favors in the long term. People also get offended because they mistake my bluntness for Judgement. I simply tell people what I see, any perceived Judgement is their own, as I decided long ago that it is not my place to judge; that belongs to God.

I couldnt have said it any better myself.
I also would like to say I havent seen anyone be rude or not respectful.
Ciquala I understand where your coming from but I think we all have something to offer I refuse to sugar coat anything,. I ask questions and give my thoughts and any information I have to the OP about the "said topic".
but I have not seen any general attacks at newbies.
I guess some are more sensitive then others if I have said anything that upset you personaly Ciquala I am sorry.. I generally think people come here for information and opinions and truths. I say truths because its plural I believe there are many truths.

Athribiristan makes some good points. A good general policy is to simply never assume that the other person has malevolent intentions towards you unless they go out of their way to prove to you otherwise. Put another way, give folks the benefit of the doubt and practice active listening. Rephrase what the person said in your own words and ask questions about it instead of assuming things. Try to do this as much as you can, but don't beat yourself up (or others) if you fail sometimes. We can't always be extraordinarily mindful of our words or how we're thinking about things; it's not reasonable to expect that from others.

[BlueSky]

Sometimes I have to allow someone to make his or her mistakes to learn, Ciqala

If you are letting people make mistakes so that they can learn then you are kind of saying that you are allowing them time to believe just as you do.

That energy will not be covered up by any amount of etiquette to the one reading when you do say something.
No?
Just saying.........

James

Originally Posted by WhiteShaman

Sometimes I have to allow someone to make his or her mistakes to learn, Ciqala

If you are letting people make mistakes so that they can learn then you are kind of saying that you are allowing them time to believe just as you do.

That energy will not be covered up by any amount of etiquette to the one reading when you do say something.
No?
Just saying.........

James

James I dont mean to be rude but I cant get my head around what you mean in your words...can you clarify this a little more clearly..?

[BlueSky]

Originally Posted by silent whisper

James I dont mean to be rude but I cant get my head around what you mean in your words...can you clarify this a little more clearly..?

Thinking that people are making mistakes is a belief that at the extreme end of the spectrums can be ugly. Ex: Christains verses Muslims, etc
When it is subtle, it still comes thru to the one listening that they are right and you are wrong..and this is not listening to the other...........so therefore it lacks etiquette IMO.

It is making what someone says about you..(I don't mean you specifically obviously)

The fact that you asked me to clarify means that you want to talk about what I said instead of why I might have said it and today that is much appreciated....

James

Originally Posted by WhiteShaman

Thinking that people are making mistakes is a belief that at the extreme end of the spectrums can be ugly. Ex: Christains verses Muslims, etc
When it is subtle, it still comes thru to the one listening that they are right and you are wrong..and this is not listening to the other...........so therefore it lacks etiquette IMO.

It is making what someone says about you..(I don't mean you specifically obviously)

The fact that you asked me to clarify means that you want to talk about what I said instead of why I might have said it and today that is much appreciated....

James

OH Ok so your saying we have to accept mistakes at all levels...and until you hold that acceptance within yourself with a solid clear foundation. the subtleness or reflection of that space, will reavel itself..energetically within the mix of the connection.

Is it an etiquette issue or simply that someone hasnt found that space of acceptance within themselvses...about making mistakes..not through ignornace but more because they dont know any different...they havent fully remembered that aspect of themselves to know its ok to make mistakes..

[BlueSky]

Agree, it is not really an etiquette issue. I like the way you explained it.

James

[blackraven]

I remember when I first came to SF before it crashed I started a very controversial thread right from the beginning. I appreciated the honesty and variety of opinions. It was very refreshing because the same topic was thrown off another forum I left because it was feared it was too "scary" for younger readers. But gee life is scary at times, that's reality. Anyway, as it turned out, many younger readers had similar experiences and appreciated the thread. And yes, some people said some things that jolted me and hurt my feelings, but I considered what they were saying and weighed it against the combined input I got from everyone. I agree you do have to be sensitive to young and new members though by feeling out what position they are in and where they are coming from.

Blackraven