Am I really over love?

Ive been hurt in all 3 of my long term relationships. Basically I was in a 10 yr. Hurt, cheated, betrayed, abused physically. 8 yr relationship. hurt, betrayal, emotional abuse. I left them both and I was 29 and over trying. This next guy didn't get my heart easy but he made promises and said he was different. I didn't believe it. I ve heard it all before. I'm no fool, plus I'm finally happy and ok without a man. But he didn't give up and I never was treated so good. We were together 3yrs and I got pregnant and he changed. We planned this baby and he was leaving me. Why? I told him but you promised and he said, I guess I lied. I have a 3yr old from him and he is in prison till 2013. He has been there since 2007 and never met his son. I call it karma. Whatever! Anyways I'm 37 now and I never give any guy the time of day. I'm so cold! And I have huge walls. I get offended when a guy even tries to flirt. I'm not insecure and I don't need a man to validate me. I'm very intimidating to men and I'm glad. I was never so cold. I am meant to love but will I ever love again? I say I'm over being hurt, but am I really over it? Will I be alone forever cause I can't open up? I mean my life is effortless now and it feels good. I feel like I truly love myself like nobody can. Why screw it up with distractions and gambles? Could I be over love?

I wouldn't say you were cold, I'd say you are cautious and (rightly so) protect what is yours by making sure no one can hurt you or your child in the way you have been. Both of which are admirable actions.

We are all capable of love, and whilst some must go through the bad eggs to find the good, they are still there. and perhaps the reward is sweeter once you've tasted the bad?

What I'm trying to say is, you don't NEED a man to make you feel complete and that is very commendable, you have created and raised your child, nothing is more important than that. But remember too that not all men are cruel and abusive, be it emotionally or physically. Think of the possibilities and open your heart to the option. Give someone a chance, you will never know if you don't try.

There's no need to be careless, the lessons you've learnt will surely help in your finding the right man. Trust has to be earnt remember and you guard a very precious child, a decent man will recognise and admire that. Go seek.

best wishes

experience teaches us in the realm of logic and self defense. it is our soul that teaches us how to heal and move forward from a place of love and understanding despite the painful memories logic tells us to hold on to. i have been in very similar situations and am just 2 years your junior. i thought for many years i'd never trust any man again - and while i have yet to find someone to be in that relationship with, i have opened my heart and loved again and without fear. this time not because i am foolishly forgetting, but rather because i know that i am in a place where my spirit will protect me and if i love and it is not returned i accept the lesson and also know i will not accept a love that i do not deserve.

i wish for you that you are able to get to this place within yourself - for that is where it is all located. it is not something that comes from the outside, as even those that we perceive to be great to us can fail us. we need to rebuild from the inside out, and only when the inside is renewed can those walls come down and we begin to accept and invite love in our lives around us.

there is a quote that says, "we accept the love we believe we deserve" and i think that is so true. when the love in your life is not what you want, check within yourself to find your own answers and plant the seed of love.

much love and light to you on your journey!

[psychoslice]

I don't know about over love, but you might be on the road to love.

When you boil it all down, Love is what we are..., so, i'm turning up the fire!

[Xan]

I decided years ago that I'm over typical romantic relationships, but love itself, love within... we're just getting started!


Xan

[Marie]

Put your boundaries up, leave them as soon they start to be abusive in any kind. Make clear what you never will tolerate. when thats said; maybe you should investigate what makes you drawn to those men at a deeper level. Something with how your father was towards you or other significant male,when you were a child. Its not always the case of course,but in many cases like this it is something to do with that. it could also be negative self images or self worth from childhood of. what youve been through is not love by any definition. Love never hurts. When thats said we cant forget the ego and how many are so egoistical,selfish and narcissistic these days. It doesnt help on it. Maybe do a background check,with the next guy you meet. His parents,friends,past. girlfriends. If he loves you and have nothing to hide and you explain why he would agree. Maybe you have ignored signals that were sent early on that youre supposed to learn? not saying its that way,only that it could be. And some are just bad. and if they are psychopaths or narcisistic-I recommend you google it,you can find alot to look for that will help you spot them. Get information of personality disorders too and how to spot liars etc.