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Old 24-05-2012, 07:46 PM
jenviere
Posts: n/a
 
Deep Memory Hypnosis

I am a long-time sufferer of PTSD, from childhood abuse and the like. I have no real desire to remember a lot of what happened back then, but there have been instances when my PTSD has kept me from remembering GOOD things, too. I am in a complicated situation right now where I couldn't remember something that happened about two years ago, that was extremely significant, and I know for a fact that it happened, because I have physical proof. Well, I'll just come right out and say it: I have a baby, but I have no clue how I got him.

In the beginning, I assumed that the reason I couldn't remember the conception was because it must have been a bad experience. I figured that if I couldn't remember, it must be for the best. But lately, I haven't been so sure. The past week or so, I've been having these flashes. It all started on Monday, after a session with my therapist about taking control of my life. A couple hours later, I felt my heart tugging and I had this intense emotional response, after looking at my son's face and, for the first time since he was born, seeing a familiar face that wasn't mine (he looks like my clone, most of the time). And I felt warm all over, because I could see that, as he gets older, he looks more and more like ....his father. And that didn't terrify me. I then started getting these ...flashes, I guess you could call them. I suppose I've always had a bit of psychic ability, but in the moment, it feels more like a random thought popping into my head and I sort of just go with it. Well, then I had this vision, like remembering a dream from childhood. And he was there and we were making love and I felt safe with him. But then he was gone.

The more time that's passed since having the vision, the clearer things become, not so much about what exactly happened, but about what kind of man this was. I definitely no longer think that I was taken advantage of. I think this was very consensual and I'm even starting to wonder if it might have been a soul connection, even though it was clearly a very brief encounter. It'd make sense why I might not remember it, too, if it was as intense then as the memories are, now, as they flood back in.

Well, here's the part to keep this post on topic: should I look into having professional hypnosis to remember the rest of it? I know that memory regression can be unreliable and sometimes our minds will fabricate an entire story to fit our needs. But I've already had a wave of this come at me, at a completely random time, after two years of not remembering a lick of it and never even trying to remember, quite frankly. And for it to hit me in an instant, just by looking into my son's eyes, I feel like it might be my soul telling me that I need to remember and I need to find this man. But maybe I made the original thoughts up, too.


I just wonder if, good or bad, I should know what happened. It's been two years and I am a pretty healthy person, now, emotionally. I just feel like for the sake of my son and in order to have some amount of closure, it'd be good to remember. Ideally, I'd be able to remember something as helpful as this mystery man's name.

I wish I knew why I lost the memory. That's what bothers me the most. It is possible I was high; that wasn't necessarily uncommon for me two years ago. Perhaps the mixture of drugs and a really intense moment made my brain overload? I don't even know.

Any thoughts?

Should I go to a specialist in the area (Olympia, WA) or is this something I could even do, myself, with meditation. Admittedly, I'd be more comfortable alone, since I have a feeling this might not be a memory I'd want others to know about. It's probably not going to paint a good light on me.
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