I'm sorry to everyone I ever failed/hurt. I just want to die. I'm being lobotomized. Being made weaker in certain areas of my brain and character and being aware of it... having gruesome nightmares I can't be as strong against representing what's happening to me, waking up scared. Pieces of my "soul" simply ripped from me.
What does anything you've ever felt matter, if it all is contained in that which can be forcefully changed, and inevitably will?
I want to die and not have a future as a spirit, unless as a spirit I am my past self.
I've bottled up my emotions for years. Everyone I would've had as an ally or helper is gone. There is no mental escape, except that other people go on happily/have good things (I can't even fully hold it). My ability to find any consolation with that will be replaced with a nightmare.