Please someone help me? Death by mental suffocation, and now spiritual death
What is the big deal with other people refusing to pray for you to angels/archangels?
I'm mentally suffocating, trying to articulate, it's hard. It's gotten worse and worse and worse, like a slippery slope that gets steeper and steeper.
People are so complicated, and ig so many just... are morally weak. It's hard to hear that and consider it as something you are. It's not black and white, either. I feel like a cynic, I didn't naturally have this attitude.
You people are all okay and relaxed, everything's fine and dandy... with your excuses for why things are fair, why you can let others suffer... and yeah you all live lives of your own, you're all busy. I get it. I really don't want to be unfair. But there's no guarantee that spirits are immortal or above it all in some higher realm, there's no guarantee of a fair higher universal karma... there's only faith in those things. Yeah, thoughts create/affect reality on some level... but I think you never really know what is possible, reality could be anything at all.
I preyed to Michael once, and to other arches. I told them the truth, how I wanted to spread love and be a light. They answered me fast and with great results. But it wasn't enough for my unique case, that got worse and worse.. humans weren't designed to deal with this, mental suffocation that now keeps me from even praying. And now, I'm under spiritual attack.
I used to fear losing control like other people do, to the flow of the world. To those who only have to be made to shown respect, but who never show it naturally, those who are unkind... to those who push shallower views and ways on other people. Life can be like a flow or river, a cruel one, where toxic people will drown you in the depths or pull you away from what a brighter love would think you deserve. Whole forces and systems run on them and their values.
I don't wanna die like this... I was abused, and nobody's ever known who I really am or loved me. I feel like I've never had anything, not even myself, really. I wanted to hold someone's picture in a heart-shaped locket, or enjoy a family holiday like everyone else does. I'm not a perfect person in my view, nobody is, except maybe Jesus (though, perfect depends on the beholder). I felt like I could die for people, though, I valued honesty so much and I felt bad for other people - maybe I was na´ve?
I just couldn't get over my abuse and my coping mechanisms, and I felt sick interacting with people when I couldn't fully be honest with them. It ruined me. I felt sick with every thought and comfort. I would've sought therapy but I didn't want people who'd thought they knew me to be crushed.
Then this weird situation happened to me, making me mentally suffocate... tearing what everyone considers a whole person, a "soul", apart into pieces, deconstructing it and treating it like a machine or code. I fought it and kept up, but it got worse and worse and I always feared truly losing myself. My guardian angels revealed themselves around when I was planning to off myself, told me I could get better... but I learned that the unique nature of angels means they got weaker due to my situation, as they get power from mental faith in your brain.
Then my angel told me they were being torn apart/attacked, apparently by a sorceress or something - I don't know. I've seen they can die.
Now I'm under spiritual attack, and I see how they try to tear apart/talk about the spirit, how the spirit isn't an immortal or special thing, but just a different kind of lifeform that can be altered or damaged or I could say "killed"... I try to warn people, and a mod deletes it "we can't be libel for slander!". Negative things happen all the time in life, some people are shady/cruel, deal with it... people know that some lie, and can think for themselves... **** you, going on about your perfect life and world, how happy you are, and just relying on karma or your God's favor to excuse why some will go through pain, be spiritually altered, "die" for your decision. They imply I'm weak and deserve what I get? I'll die in pure pain and uncomfort, mental suffocation, everything I valued is reduced to a joke, I feel like I'm in a surreal nightmare that I want to wake up from... well, you could've saved/helped me, but ig it was God's plan for me to be spiritually torn apart and tortured. I can't insult or taunt you... ****.
There are people who can help me in simple ways, but go "Well I don't wanna, and I don't know anyone who would do that for someone, seems a bit odd".
If your morals hinge on what is "normal" or "socially acceptable" (like people who let a child die of cancer just because they're one more degree away from them, family wise, than they feel they are "indebted" to help, I've read about people like that) (or, someone who's willing to lie to someone for an entire dating and marriage process while believing the whole time that they are undesirable and destined for breakup, only going through it because they believe their chart demands it) then you're weak.