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Old 07-01-2022, 09:27 PM
asearcher asearcher is offline
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 1,900
well good you're not a player and chose honesty which shows respect, however it is not an isolated event the intimacy as we are human beings with an emotional life to us, and spirits, souls inside of us, there will be some sort of consequence from it.

Today it is as if it is getting more and more modern I feel to even openly talk about just going to bed with just about anyone without any emotional connection or promises, in my book I don't understand how it is done without mutual attraction and if there is attraction there should be feelings, be something.

In a way I see it as rejection, like I only like you so much that I like your body and you like mine, but it ain't more than that. I just don't think we are meant to work like that, it is as if we are rejecting the mind, heart, spirit of the one we then go to bed with and they too of us. I would never be able to have it like that, to me it is too cold. Then again it may very well be that I am seen as too deep minded again and too sensitive again and maybe too romantic for my own good. I just know myself too well to know it would never work with me, especially when one has discovered the great combination of love and sex. With that written I do feel that I am in minority in my own surrounding in life, thinking, feeling about it this way, as exes, current and even female friends has apparently jumped in the sack without serious, far from it, commitments.

It was one of the warning bells to me, when I began to look at an ex differently after learning he had for several years, had what he thought of as only a sexual relationship and the poor woman he had it with had naturally developed feelings for him, which isn't exactly something you can help, control, but he didn't care about that. I would have thought he was a much better man had he developed feelings for her, and not continued to use her like that, and she still hoping. My heart just went out to her, and that I guess was the last thing he expected. He couldn't see where he had gone wrong. He had only been honest. I just don't see sex as isolated events with someone else, there are going to be a shift, there are going to be consequences from it. I think it is just something that has become modern, as in that people talk about it more these days and make it more acceptable, but I don't think it is emotionally healthy, to be truthful, to think this is OK, we human beings are far more complex than that. No wonder it gets complicated later on.

There is yet another level of this sex-only business, that I think one should consider at first, it's not isolated to the bed only, the event only, to the time only. They've even made studies of this and it turns out 2 bodies of 2 adults having been in a romantic relationship - when it breaks up - the bodies has gotten addicted to each other and suffers a physical, inner loss, this is real, there are memories too that the body has, and the exchange. In some cultures people don't even shake hands as they believe spiritually we exchange energy. For me sex can never be just sex, I think it can be in anyone's head, that we are wired that way, but when it comes to real life and real people we have after all feelings. It has to be with someone I'm in love with, that I love, and that I feel loves me.

We also share vulnerable sides to us, it's not just sex, parts of our bodies has stories to tell and scars, it is getting to know someone, smell someone, them in your care, in your hand, a touch, your eyes meet, you're close.

Anyways if you have been mixing it like that it's no wonder it gets to feel nervous or complicated is my guess, but you're not alone, that's for sure, I don't know if i am too old fashioned (to tell the truth I think people have always done this but just not talked about it so openly, but I have a feeling it is more these days but again that could just be because people do talk about it...) or just too sensitive, could be there is something wrong with the way I am, but i have to go with what is right for me. You have to go what is right for you - but that too has to be what is right with your friend sometimes, intimate partner other times.

I don't judge my exes or current as I do believe they did have some sort of feelings, attraction for that other one, what scared me, and put me off, was really the guy who did not have that, for that long amount of time and how he allowed himself to take advantage and treat her, it was so obvious he had no conscious. Had he at least said he had had feelings for her I would be the first to go hurrah, and not be so scarred stiff as I got as I knew I was looking at someone callous, and I even felt this strong urge to protect her, stand up for her, and I guess I wasn't suppose to feel that way being his fiance. She always felt more human to me, after that, than he did.

I have talked to my current about this modern concept of just having sex with no emotions attached (which I still can't wrap my head around) and he has told me that we all have physical needs and too miss that someone, miss the real body, miss the warmth, and rather take that than nothing. Another friend of mine (female) has tried to explain it too to me, and what has been the experiences is that one is developing feelings more than the other and the agreement then breaks before anyone gets hurt, but always someone gets hurt anyhow. Perhaps even if it happens just once or twice - something has for sure changed in the relationship I think. And then the longer time one has this then it comes to no surprise to me that human beings develop feelings for the other. I just don't believe you can isolate it from the rest. It's too special.

Last edited by asearcher : 07-01-2022 at 10:16 PM.
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