yes

I can fully understand taking defense if, when you're being disrespected to at the every beginning of an argument, fight, if let's say the person want to take advantage of your "disability" or what it now may be, and try to boost up themselves by stepping on you for some reason that is not the real reason why the argument etc is about.

When I see that people try to come to others or me in a patronizing way in real life I look them straight in the eye and I keep it there. I keep it no matter what. That is us saying we're still equal here, and I keep my voice steady and I'm assertive. I don't yell. I know that when I have talked with the individual in my life who always took defense that I did that with but I suppose even that made him feel as if he was inferior to me.

When I'm hurt etc I have not been someone who would come up to the other one with tears in my eyes and so on, he says I always look as if I could kill him (my eyes alone) which used to make it difficult for him to realize behind the anger was the hurt and me feeling humiliated by his actions. My questions were also not so innocent and neutral. It could be something like "Why you asked me to come there in the first place? To humiliate me? What did I ever do to you?" So quick questions, one after another, loaded. As for him I think he could only tell I was hurt,sad or vulnerable if I looked that way to him. Few times over long, long time was he ever seeing tears in my eyes, and then his own would show up, which he said he would never be that "soft" before. I think it had to take that for him to understand before: OK she's actually hurt. Then he would not be someone who took defense but try to make a mends, apologize, wanting to hug while I told him to get out of there. Did not want him to see that, me like that.

When I was in a past relationship with a psychopath I would for the life of me not wanting to show that I was afraid, which I was, but now I know it would not matter as if he truly was a psychopath then he would not recognize what that facial expression etc looked like, but to me it was I think all I had, because I was desperate to keep us equal, as he was trying to be superior. I know there were times he was really pressuring me and I would not back down.